Used To Be Proud
I screwed up!
I've been blaming alot on the mic and everything but I guess it had something to do with my confidence. Anyway I know when I don't sound good, and since I probably won't find any song that fits me.. I'm just dropping the whole idea of singing. The prefects told us today the scores were on:
1) Confidence (10)
2) Skill (20)
3) Appearance (20)
I have nothing better to say..
I didn't know that 'self-decoration' was so important and I couldn't care.. anyway hanif should deserve it; he had a coach (his cousin), confidence, clothes...everything.. maybe his singing was not as good as mine without a mic but at least he chose the right song, and good moves.
I think I'm too proud, it's time to eat the humble-pie from now..maybe because I pinned so much hope on myself and then I fall flat on the ground and shocked myself. Miss Low maligned me by saying I was really big-headed my English was good.. I never thought so, never. I don't speak good English, don't write good English... and she backstabs about me. Unbelievable.
This feels like Primary 6.
That was a year I was terribly unhappy with almost everything... frustrated how life went and all.. been pushed and prodded and everything else in between. I'm not going to resent that historical fact, so I'm saying now - I'm such a loser. Actually it has a deep impact on how the results came out.. didn't win anything.. but that's okay. I guess it's my punishment in life.. like what I've been saying - it's all about ups and downs. I'm not going to brood about it.
Like they all say - be content! The yabadoos are all over, and even if I suck, 'must think got confidence can liao! Nevermind one..'
The Microphone Turbulence
It's 10.51, and I have the worse feeling that I'm going to totally flunk tomorrow's performance. I wonder why the microphone had to have so much turbulence and deliberately alter my voice to this low-grandmother-ish pitch. I sound horrible on the microphone. Horrible.
I have a feeling not only I'm not going to win, but I'll do badly; the sec 2s (Devaraj is so cocky.. and he literally scrutinised me.. mean mean mean..)are marvelous...well, most of them. Other juniors like Devaraj, Lester and Hsien Long were really really err... loud, not literally. As in they just had lots to say..Great songs that suited them (apparently I can't fit into any known male song..next time I'm just going to sing mandarin)... and well, I just sound totally hoarse and superbly low in 'All You Wanted'. I lost all my concentration of what message I want to bring across... in short, I just felt like a china-ish stupid dope.
I wanted to change the song, test the other speaker (which has NO turbulence TKVM..) and all that but Jason just didn't have the time. I can't blame him for that.
Erwin couldn't reach Maroon 5's 'She Will Be Loved', he literally blew up infront of Darrell.. it's perfectly fine.. I mean when your friend chides you for your inability to reach a note, of course you'll get agitated.. it's ok.. so say they drop the song altogether. Hanif sounded much better with this new song, but problem is we hear Craig David's voice almost all the time.
Anyway I'm going to embaress myself tomorrow. Definitely.
Wasted.
I think I'm staring too much at this monitor, I'm running out of inspiration, being run down by age-old parental policies, voice-cackled, and listening to too much female soft rock (But I still like Michelle and Sarah McLachlan no matter what). Been trying to get my hands on some Bjork music stuff because she's really arty, very abstract and beautiful.
Anyway I met up with my old friend virtually on DA, he had this really nice photo of himself hooded with a grey jacket and staring at the camera maliciously.. I know he looks good and I don't...I mean he's from Finland and all that (that's some western country). I was just wondering what people felt when they looked at me for the first time, I bet the word 'ugly' comes in mind..not that I look like a pig or anything... no I'm not being down-trodden here I'm just guessing.
My mind is blank, the word 'C-R-E-A-T-I-V-I-T-Y' just isn't there, and I'm being forced to go Korea while the exams are round the corner..sheesh! I think I'm going to get chided again on monday because I'm not even going for art. Life is a very dead and dull struggle now.. I always feel like that when I'm energy-less. SO after a relaxing drive (which in simple terms means more sleep) I'll be ready for tomorrow's rehearsal.
*Yawns*
*Drops on the bed and snuffles into a blanket*
Michelle Branch - Tuesday Morning
I remember,
Stormy weather,
The way the sky looks when it's cold
And you were with me,
Content with walking,
So unaware of the world
Please don't drive me home tonight,
'Cause I don't want to feel alone,
Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I don't wanna go
Tuesday morning,
In the dark
I was finding out,
Who you are… oh
I took your picture,
While you were sleeping,
Then I pased around the room
If I had known then,
That, these things happen,
Would they have happened with you? Ho ohh
Please don't drive me home tonight,
'Cause I don't want to feel alone,
Please don't drive me home tonight
'Cause I don't wanna go
Tuesday morning,
In the dark
I was finding out,
Who I was…
And if you turned around to see me,
And I was gone… oh oo woo
Should have looked outside your window
'Cause the sun was coming up… ho oo woo
The sun was coming up… oh ho oo woo, ho
Please don't drive me home tonight,
'Cause I don't want to feel alone,
Tuesday morning,
In the dark
We were finding out,
Who we are
Tuesday morning,
In the dark… oh, oh
We were finding out,
Who we are, who we are… ho woo oo oh… ho woo oo oh
Who we are, who we are… ho, woo oo oh
Who we are
-----------------------
It's time to notice the ones around you. What if your life was given the perspective of the follower, the invisibile person that helped you up in your life? It isn't only your friend, it might be someone you'd taken for granted most of the time; maybe your mom, your maid, your teacher. Believe it, there are many many more people out there who show their concern to you in one time or another.
I remember last year someone in class got a terrible fever, and everyone was so anxious to call a taxi and sending him to a clinic, no one remembered to stay by and just watch over him. It's a long time ago, and I was just happening to be free... but that incident - waiting silently for 30 minutes outside the class as he wallowed in pain in class - has taught me something, sometimes people care when you don't even notice, when you don't even realise it. I know he won't remember me standing outside at all waiting for the form teacher to bring him down... but it's the silent aid I gave what that doesn't even matter.
Sometimes we've got to turn back and remember who we owe to be where we are today, thank them for their efforts.. even their smallest ones... and be grateful that you're never really alone, you just draw a blind over everyone else.
Michelle Branch's composed a song for all the people who once gave their all to bring someone else back on his/her feet, and had walked away after he/she became strong again, not wanting any acknowlegement for their efforts.
"And if you turn around and see me, and I was gone, you should've looked outside your window, for the sun was coming up,"
Because your sun has dawned again in your life, your friend's responsibility is done, he/she begins to fade away from the scene, so that you can return back normally to your life and forget all about them. They don't mind you not remembering them by your darkest moments, but as long as you continue staying on your feet and being strong... that is all they ask for.
About The Real Me
Tomorrow's a very crucial day, there's a whole lot of chinese and I'm having a mild headache already. Everything's so chaotic at home, Mum wants to go some restaurant with my Dad's friend and then bro kept screaming.. then I'm using the comp for awhile I get lectured.. it's going to end soon! Let me just finish what I wanted to say for the whole day before I forget again tomorrow.
There have been people asking me why I'm so much different in school and out of it, I'm not trying to squander my pride around here but I guess I want to say it all out once and for all.
School is a place where not anyone shows a 100 percent of his/her true self, it's a place where some parts (or for others all parts) of oneself is covered in shadows, away from all the rest of our friends. It becomes so natural for us to switch into 'school mode' that we don't really ask ourselves why.
I don't know why others automatically do this sub-metamorphosis but I can clarify for myself. Why do I do it? Like many others I can come up with no thorough explanation, but I know one thing it is not.. it's never because of fear, never. I guess I do it as a test of faith, to see if people really accept me as being the harsh character around, the one that spoils a perfectly-sane ambience. Whatever distant friends know about me is usually ficticious; I'm not irritating, I'm not loud and demoralising, and I'm most certainly not some illiterate and ignorant chinaman. I make myself look that way because... in a way is to shun people, I just don't like most people to know how I'm really like... and I know people hardly take time to figure me out, I just find out about myself and my friends by accicidence.
If you've been following my overused blog, you'd realise I tend to talk about sensitive topics and emotional scandals, put my views into the size of a small little URL-address and hope it remains this way - not very much known. I know there are some who drop by here and never leave any signs of their existence, I thank you people for actually taking time to stop and read, maybe just to read something or coincidentally come upon this place with no intentions.
Welps, it's just me here, waving my tiny hand to the sea of people out there.
"Remember to eat your green vegetables!" :)
Badam Badam
I realised I failed SS and got a borderline pass for English. I don't know what's up with myself by it seems like I couldn't achieve grades as well as the previous term. I know it has to do with my slackening attitude, but I don't wanna fall back anymore. So maybe this grades are my wake-up calls to do better.
Was really really tired today, couldn't even concentrate when Ms Chan was talking about tourism, I was leaning on my hand and my head just kept bobbling up and down in between slumber. Ryan was like laughing about it and he was kind enough to lend me lean over his bag, then got his artefact jutting out somewhere in the bag then I kept complained la, then he really take out man.
Anyway, I was pretty stressed today for the auditions because I had to curb back from and hour and half of choir. Miss Gan was trying her best to improve our bass notes and everything, imagine having to sing with a focal point! That's like what we're learning in Physics now. It was straining day on my vocal cords and it turned out they didn't have any teachers as judges for the Saints Idol thing.. it was quite a relief actually.
At first infront of all the prefects I just started to get really nervous, Jason gave me a few minutes to prepare and I just slotted my CD into the player and the microphone was screeching almost all the time until I stood at this specific spot somewhere. He then asked, "Why do you think we hold this event?" then I answered that it was for students to let others know their talent or something like that (I was too tired to remember). At first I got really edgy singing the first verse of Michelle Branch's 'All You Wanted' but it became better when I didn't thought of them looking at me and focused my attention on who I might wanna dedicate the song for. They told me I was the only one who was allowed to finish the whole song and some other praises, I thank them and left. I'm glad I made it through because I switched to Michelle's song only yesterday, luckily I had always been obsessed with her music to remember her songs... maybe I made a good move to not use Lindsay's song because in the end it might not had been as well, oh well..at least I managed the first round.
I actually made it home in time, had to 'steal' Federick's umbrella but in the end I shared with him, got super soaking wet, harsh weather after going home.
Bleh, tomorrow's the variations test, chinese oral and art class... panic panic
Chinese Tradition?
Chinese tradition. It's something vague, something that's not really present to the teen world - but it still exists, well, at least I know it does.
My family took the bus and we walked into Bright Hill Rd, the new main building of the temple loomed infront on the right of the curb, it was spectacular; huge to be exact. Sometimes you wonder why some people actually bother to worship a practice we aren't even sure exist; I carried that impression into the aged altar-building beside the new construction.
Dad suggested we go pay my Grandma's ashes a visit, so we headed down the parking lot and into the other altar-site opposite. It was packed with people, offering their respects, bringing down their customs and their beliefs and praying to the gods for peace and stability in their homes, their families and their work. I've never seen such a range of age groups on a specific religious ground, there were teens, lumbering down the walkway to the burnhouse with paper money. There were young adults, kneeling down before the god statuettes and moving their jossticks in a linear momentum. There were middle-aged homemakers, laughing loudly to the vendors selling fresh flowers and fruits.
We headed down a hallway and into the basement, there were neverending rows of yellow boxes, with pictures, names and death-dates of the respected deceased, the holy buddhist music chanted from the back speakers as we squirm through alleys and alleys of these boxes, behind uge and broad glass panels. The place wore a sad and diminishing touch. My Dad bent over on one of these shelves and pointed. "There's Ah-ma," he said. I bent over and saw my late grandmother's picture, on the side it wrote the year she passed away, 1998, and then I realised why people still carry on such age-old beliefs.
We, Chinese were faithful to our ancestors, even those that we don't even know, we stop and pray to them, hoping they find new peace wherever they go after they pass on from this world. When I was younger I always wondered why during funerals, adults pour and cry their hearts out, but now it's dawned on me - if anyone close to me had left for somewhere else, I would've wallowed in tears as much as they had. So for some of us, even if we don't believe these taditional rituals and rites, we just go and worship because we respect the ones who had passed on, as a form of filial piety, and a form of faith, and hope this dying heritage doesn't fail.
Bad Bad Hair Day
I hate that barber around here... he literally cut me bald for 9 bucks. Now I look terribly like what Sin Teck looked a few weeks back..it's stupid, Gar Meng cuts his hair for only $8 and I look like a dork for a dollar more. I guess I have to put up with it until the auditions on Wednesday, which most probably I won't gain any respect from the teachers at all because I'm looking so 'chinaman'. Look at me, I've actually lost confidence in my looks, it happens. Sometimes I wonder why some people are better looking and all that. But that's okay, there's been a study showing that pesonal ugliness towards other people decreases as they get used to how you look, so I might stand a chance being recongnised.
Whatever it is, I won't feel ugly as long as I get used to myself.
We're going to visit the temple again tomorrow, it's another annual offering that somehow I realise... I think it's not going to be packed again like the other time, then you could stay by the balcony, and gaze and reflect about what has happen. I know I've been a bit naggy and literal these days, it's just that life is busy and you can't scoot by and pause for too long anywhere.
By The Cornfield
I just got back from school, and my comp is finally working again (Yes!).. I've been hogging my brother's com for awhile now and it feels so good to have the whole PC back to myself. Anyway, apart from my 'cheap thrill', the great news is.. this week is FINALLY over! It's been such a long and unpleasant week stringed with so many corrugated deadlines (some that I've very politely pushed back), I would and now am huffing a huge sigh of relief.
The stress has made me entirely different in school, laughing and joking much much more than before, it's been fun, it's been whacky..3STians are always whacky. I'm glad I've actually enjoyed myself so far on the ST journey, at first I thought I'd never really get to relate to any classmate because everyone was too different, but the class turn out to be so much more cool than 2B could ever be. It's because of the spirit I guess, we have a good balance of everyone; from the softees to the meaniees to the slackers to the nerds.. we bond because we don't care how bad each other is. Colin and Sin Teck are really funny people that I've learnt to be very friendly and queer (no, NOT the american meaning for queer) and unique. They are like the first few people that I've ever met who call me names and I don't mind, because they don't really mean it, we just tease each other.
I've seen the 3SE, everyone is harsh, harsh in the sense there are alot of strong characters in the class, and when you have too much of them, attention becomes very competitive.
I was at the DnT Lab, slogging out on my hopeless artefact when the SE boys came. Apparently Jason is the head for the Saints Idol thing, and that great relief because at least it's someone I know whose running this event. I don't know if I'll pull through but I guess I might just give it a shot, try my luck, and get rejected.
Saints Idol: Yes or No?
I applied for Saints Idol... I know it's something very UN-grand, the fact that no one actually realise I sang last year was a great fortune, I won't know what to expect to have a worse situation and have people bugging me about names and all that. Hanif got alot of attention, I bet it's that 'strip' part, but he's really good and he's popular lah, I'm not *chuckles*.
Well I don't know if I should go up there and strut my stuff, one side my class has been really supportive about the idea ("Go make 3ST proud!" Junyi says) and the other side there are the Normal boys (as usual) going to scrutinise every cord I hit while I'm up there. I'm going to sing another female song.. but this one's much more meaningful, and I'm keeping mum about the details because I don't want people to "Chee, I've heard that song before", and partially because I'm still abit indecisive about even singing.
Well even if you support or don't support me going on-stage and perform, please.. PLEASE leave my a note or something.. because I go with the majority.. mmmhmmm. :]
Have You Noticed Clovis?
I know Clovis is under loads of stress.
It's all in the work, the tension, the class enviroment, the CHOIR enviroment, the music lessons, Miss Lee, DnT, friends and everything else, that piled up to what it is now. Everytime Ezra cracks a joke somewhere he just forces a tired, forlorn smile..his face suddenly changes to a solemn expression and his eyes juts around the noisy room shouting loudly, "Oi! Can you all listen?"
Under all that smiles and laughter, you can tell he's really irritated with the choir's lack of discipline. I can give up just trying to make choir orderly with everyone jabbering away like no one's business. The choir's now just a place with several groups of people just gather and commote. Clovis' life as student conductor is hell; if no one listened to you while you wanna try teaching, is the worse feeling you can receive.. ignorance. Today, I think he literally shouted twenty over times and I myself almost lost my voice. It's true, he told me "Just stand here and listen to the choir, you feel like giving up,". Juniors like James and Jonathan are people you can qualify hopeless, we want people who are enthustiastic about singing, not defiant and obnoxious brats who are too spoilt to be the least bit respectful about critisism. I used to accept people's comments about me from my seniors all the time, but these 'younger generation' just talk back if you even dare scold them in the first place.
I know at this moment, Clovis' must be experiencing harsh times with the DnT common test tomorrow (I KNOW I hadn't study it totally) and that student conductor role in choir. If I was the student conductor, I would had dread choir and just walk out on it right then. The fact that he's still able to smile and joke and stay strong proves that with peserverence, we pull through anything.
Take for example Shaun, who got so upset with the noise the choir was projecting, he bent down and cried. And instead of wallowing in his troubles, Clovis when to help him. Clovis is a person who at first looks really normal and hysterical, but with age, he matures. and his life is as busy as mine (he's taking music as a subject, mind you).. but he still can look through it without hardly blinking an eye makes his character really admirable; to be able to carry himself, his burdens, and the people in need around him.
The Clovis back then would had avoided responsiblities, slack, talk about girls and can't be bothered with issues concerning himself. Look who he is now, the exact opposite. Unlike some people who has turn for the worse as time pass, he has accepted the challenges life throws at him, and learnt from them. He's no longer that "Watermelon" everyone used to call him. It's strange how we call him a playboy when he stayed so loyal to his ex-so-called 'wanna be only siblings' girlfriend. Unlike some people, they pale in comparison in him.
He had obliviously grown leadership qualities, I mean I might've not cared for my junior as much as he did. I think he'll make a great partner and friend, but maybe he just doesn't have time for it.. in secondary 3, we're just shoved all these trivval problems and we're expected to sort it all out by ourselves. Clovis has done it, regularly, and I have faith he's going to turn out some great musician or someone definately outstanding in the years to come.
Actually I have alot more things to write about him, but for once I'm going to cut short (yes I know..this is NOT as long as I intended it to be) because of tomorrow's series of test. Just think about this guy, and apply.. have you actually been like him? Well.. God Speed.
Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen
Fulton Avenue
I still remember when we were at Fulton Avenue a few months back. It was my late grandma's (father side) aniversary and we were paying out visits. The chinese temple was alarmingly huge, and it overlooked the set of private estates there.. it was a beautiful place; the serenity, the peace and the silence was filled with magnificence of its own.
The day was rather mild, few cars jutted out from the single roadlane that connected the nucleated set of terrace houses. Then my fourth uncle came across the aisle, softly scraping his feet on the old tiles as I greeted him.
My forth uncle is a very simple man. He was a elevator repairman, hardly aware of the complexity of life in modern Singapore. He has a beautiful daughter, a great wife (My Aunt is a very understanding lady) and he owns a simple flat in Bishan, but - what separates him from all his other brothers (including my Dad), is his concern.
I'm not trying to say the my other uncles and my dad aren't concerned about other people, but they just don't show it as well as he do. He's that sort of guy that everyone can just relate their problems to and he gives very practical and useful advice. Every year, he gives a piece of information (to me) that makes up the concept of life.
Last year, it was the idea of competition, about the difference of striving for the best and actually doing your best. And apparently this year, I appeared with with my usual tired face and he asked me one simple question.
"Are you bored with life?"
Now I revert the question back to you (the person(s) who actually bother to read this.. that is); are you bored with life? When I first heard the question I didn't even understand its meaning.. usually we associate boredom as a temporary pause in life, but some people can experience it for ages. We tend to just take breaks everywhere in life, it becomes a habit for us to slacken down and give up the pace... eventually falling back in the end. Boredom becomes an excuse to let go of things we never would have.. your dreams.. your goals.. your friends.
He told me that being bored with life at such a young age is no good, and encouraged me to go out more with friends or arrange some gatherings. I know it might seem so possible to any adult but in teen world, everyone's too proud for anyone else. I don't really have good mates that understand the simplicity of life like my Uncle, his words never fail me, even if I do fail myself.
Dnt's up the corner and I've haven't officially done part of it. I guess it's really time to say I've been bored with life. Don't give in to the boredom, find something to do.. anything, it's the interests in us that cultivate us and it's that that makes us all different.
Sine
I'm in love with herbal tea eggs (the eggs that are soaked overnight in a huge pot of herbal soup) and I've no idea why no one likes it. I just got hold of two from the coffeeshop downstairs (thank God I don't have to wait till a night market swirve in around here anymore), so I got the eggs and went down to the bookshop to photocopy Junyi's DnT folio notes.
It's been an exhausting week, skidding pass classes, doing alternative work and then trying to brainstorm ideas for deadlines. I think I'll get permanently head-damaged if school continues.. I've been deprived of leisure these days, but it's harder to maintain undeemed by mishaps (theoretically, of course) in school. Diet-wise, I don't know... guess those extra snacks do transfer to pounds in the end, I can't care less anymore about weight-losing, it's some highly cultivated act that I have no patience for; as long as I satisfy my appetite, I ain't at odds.
I'm annoyed with myself at the end of it all.. nah, not sad or depressed (I've gotten over that, remember?) but just some inability to straighten out my thoughts and they just bundle up into problems. I can't be myself at school anymore, it's the whole mental-pause syndrome, can't get over it.. I know I might seem conceited, irritating and loud.. but I guess there's much more about myself I don't even know. Well, at the very least I'm contended with life right now, even with the many many disadvantages it bundles along with it.
Ritesh is uncontrollably funny, he has these jerky actions all the time..I can tell his always edgy and you might think he's unpleasant but until you know him, he's quite an easy person. I imagine the Ritesh I knew a million years back had changed alot..from that boy who cried before entering pool water to a weird laughing kid, we're all winners..*ponders* (that's too Miss Universe)..we're still skeesey!
See? You can stay upbeat even when you aren't in the most favourable group of people in school, just accept the fact that you are who you are and what can others do? I'm not going to be brought down just yet..you can ignore or run away from yourself as much as you want, but if you can't turn back and see what your life had been..even you can't save yourself. I know alot of people out there just feel emotionally drained, it's time to regain that vitality and hit back on stuff you've never dreamt you could do, so I guess I'm reverting back to that folio deadline...
Right now, don't hate me because I've stopped talking about psychological stuff, I'm just too too drained out to even continue intruding into the fundamental blocks of humanity..no matter how complicated I make it sound.
Bleh, should I still eat dinner? :X
Status: Still Busy
I realised today my workpiece's bottom half has NO hole drilled in it.. I'm not going to able to stuff a bolt and nut in like this, it's not even buffed around the edges, and I haven't filed the sides of it.. the day after tomorrow would be that last day I can actually work on it.. and I hadn't even touch my lid. I guess I'm going to flop on artifact. There's also the malicious art deadline looming ahead.. the good old days are back.. haiz. Right now, what's more important is the Geography test tomorrow, then the Math common test.. followed by a physics and social studies paper. School here is absolutely chaotic, I guess this time I'm going to put in extra effort because some people are becoming better than me and I'm slipping down... time to improve lifestyle.
SY wrote at 10:24 pmMaroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Try so hard to say goodbye
----------
Who cares if you look hideous? It's time to look up on life, you aren't going to be more beautiful if you sulk about it. I know at this point when society seems to edge towards an era of vanity, we all tend to doll up in someway. But at the end of the day, it's your soul that counts, not that perfect skin or flawless smile.
God doesn't care about the way you put your hair, or the shirt you wear. He made you to look the way you are, he carefully arranged your face to be what it is like. No matter if your good-looking or not, those are only expectations men set for themselves. I know to alot of people, life is about looking good, about being self-concious of your physical appearance, yes that is right, but how far is far?
God loves you no matter how you look, no matter how tacky you dress. We are all fair in His eyes, he won't mind all those scars, the baggy eyes. Don't spend too much time on that mirror, it's useless anyway.. when the heaven opens you'll never be able to find your reflection anymore. So drop that make-up, that hair wax, those bright orange ankle socks and think about.
If a girl with a broken smile talked about daisies the brightest yellow, the stars the palest white, the meadows the most vivid green... and another gorgeous babe who only cared about money, world damnation. Who would you choose?
We let ourselves get blinded by the most humanly of choices, that we forget about what really matters; the inside, the source of our character, and our real personality.
Maroon 5 revives your senses with this song, 'She Will Be Loved'. It talks about this girl who isn't as beautiful as the others, but her character reveals the most gorgeous thing there is; love.
The song writes about a guy's faith towards someone who isn't as pretty as the rest, but at the end of the day, it's her that makes him contended with life. That immense urge of making her loved, and loving her traits with her flaws. She might think she's not good enough for the guy, and run away from him, but he doesn't care.. because he knows, no matter what, he'll always love her.
Are you going to give up someone because he or she isn't as attractive as you?
Let's turn the picture around, even if you were the most handsome guy on earth, would you want someone to love you just because you're good looking? Love is such a vague thing, but it's one definite object - something to pull open the covers and see the inside. The ones that keep their faith are the ones that can see through the most human of thoughts; beauty. When time ages, you'll no longer be that picture-perfect model, that photogenic teen. Your youth shall fade away, but your spirit won't; it would hold there till the day you meet Him.
What you are now you might not be in a decade, trust me. God wouldn't care about your dreams, your manicured nails, your yellowing teeth, but only what you have to offer him within you. Look at people like God does; unveil the surface and see what's more important; the human soul.
The Rainbow's Gold
I saw Daniel Goh today! Remember the most hated guy in school who got kicked out back in sec 2? Well yeap, I saw him.. I was straggling up the bus with my brother after watching 'Double Happiness' at my Grandma's. And he was in front of me, wearing a shirt with a phrase from the bible, neat jeans and combed hair, silver spectacles and looking really decent. He was talking to his friend, and he greeted Stephen warmly when he saw him on the bus. I'm amazed and glad for him, he's finally changed for the better. I remember he used to insult me and was seriously defiant; now look at him, he's a respectable guy with good christian background. Whoever changed him, I'm ultimately greatful to you.
It's showed us (or at least me) that those cheesy bad-guy-changed-good in movies and on TV do happen in real life. I know he probably doesn't remember me and all, but I can tell you these stories happen all the time in life, it's just that most of us don't realise them. No matter how evil you are or how punky you might be, there's always a lock to your good side, you just have to find that key. Alot of people become who they are because of their friends, who cares about them? They can't change who you are, if you choose to follow the trendy, you come with all the tenacious cons they face.. and you'll never come to realise who you are.
Alot of people love to hide in their shells, block their emotions and show their tough side Guys do that, all the time.. alot of them have too much pride. Strip it... I mean the pride. Are you going to give up on your inner self because you had too much of it? I know most teenagers give up too much to be themselves. You are who you are, we don't depict you, the people around you can't judge you like that. We just live by our rules.. are you going to stop yourself from helping an old lady because of your macho image?
Sometimes you have to drop your pride to do what's right.
I'll never forget that. :]
Where I Belong
Last night the song 'More to Life' from Stacie Orrico just kept playing in my head, and I realised that I didn't have it on my playlist. How did it spark my memory? Maybe someone around me is feeling empty and lonely, or that I had a premonition of some sort, I know I'm becoming my mom; seeing cryptic stuff on absolutely normal conditions, haha. But I'm concerned, I just read this article on angels the other day, it said angels try to send their message across through the most vague of things...
Well, maybe someone out there you're feeling really down and out.
Whoever it is, don't give up on life because there's always more to life. I know I don't sound very encouraging now, but maybe I'd make my next post dedicated to those people... yea, I could do that.
I've not been exactly pleasant to my brother, he's making these mistakes in life that people make when their fourteen years old. The laziness, the lack of motivation and all that is terribly upsetting to see from my angle. I know I've been harsh with discipline on him because I don't want him to turn out like some sore loser down the street pondering about life. I hope he turns out to be a fine guy, I'm just trying to teach him all those values that he doesn't learn in school.
NATIONAL DAY'S TOMORROW! I'm too patriotic, but it's been a good one year, loads of perks and crashes in life, but we made it. Singapore has been a great place, I know there's many different people here that can't co-exist, but without all kinds of people with different ways of life, we wouldn't had been known as a society, as one multi-racial country. I know this year's National Day isn't that big, but it's the spirit that still exists. We can't make things happen on our own, but it's what life is - to be together and live by each other's existence.
Saved!
I'm still abit groggy (forgive me, I just woke up from a nap) but I really have to finish my message before I'd go watch 'Taking Lives' finally. I know, that VCD has been stuck in some front pocket of a khaki bag for close to a month now and I finally have enough time for it.
Anyway, today most of the time in school I spent at debating thingy. I mean I would glady participate if it wasn't for the lack of a member's commitment. The fight was rather predictable with 3S1's huge prospects on voice clarity, direct points and effeciency compared to a milder and softer 3SA group. 3S1 created propoganda with firmness and big-scaled examples and SA failed to captivate the house. I thought our 2B's was much better, at least Jonathan, Hanif and Viresh followed rules. The whole thing would be summarised as a huge success if it wasn't for Kevinpreet's idiocy (I mean, when is he not?)who had busted him by Mrs Chandran but continued acting like a candle-eating madman. Fahreeq is so much more mild, he's like preet's clone in making.. someone please stop him.
I was surprised when this primary six boy came up to me and Tim and asked where could he find his brother. He didn't even know his brother's class, and when we asked what was his bro's name, he said Isaac. He looks much much more decent than his brother, as athletic, but not as vain. I wonder if he'd turn out as the next-Isaac, but we aren't going to guess. I know Isaac's character now is partially because of the people around him (Ray la, Kenryu la), said to say I remember those good old days when Ray was still a really funny nerd and Kenryu was one of us; the Pro-Digimon Lovers. I mean even Mr. Poon said 3SE's attitude was worse than ours. Things have changed. People separate now to form the different fundamental personalities; people. We were close when we're young. Bonds just end when people change and don't understand each other.
I want to watcth Saved! The lastest christian flick coming up, I know it looks corny and U.A isn't an established movie company. But they make low-budget ones that create alot of impact on their viewers. So it's time someone go up there and thank them about it. Anyway the movie's coming out about next month, so all those Christ-followers let's go oodle doodle! Besides, Mandy Moore is starring in it, who doesn't wanna watch her loveable face on-screen? I heard she's the baddy in the film, but I don't think there's anyone whose exactly the bad guy in the show, since it's trying to promote christianity back to teens.
I know it's a dying trend right now, and alot of people just go to church since all their friends and stuff are there. But hey, there is so much more to church that some snazzy one-day happy fun. It's about respecting the Lord and worshipping Him.
Status: Busy
I know I've seem to be away for a few days, I was a bit busy with everything else; a bit of web-making, a bit of forum-posting, a bit of gaming and a small bit on homework. Anyway, a group of us are busy anticipating the gradual building of our class website. It's really in an alpha-phase right now so there's really little to see; I've been working on the html of it, and there's alot more ot it then I realise. I know I'm such an amateur in encoding and java and all that, but I'm trying.
I was thinking the other day about what Mr Poon said, the purpose of life. I know the purpose seems really rather invisible and insightful to some, but I guess it's right here, right now - what you do now depicts the days you live later. I'm really exhausted the pass few days, running errands, homework, listening to classes and all. I know I still have loads of stuff to go through, sort and complete.
You know the funny thing about people is how they act infront of people. We all love attention to a point of another, it screws us and makes us vulnerable to manipulate our personality. I know alot of people who are different talking to friends and alone. And we're all like that. Question is how capable are we at minimising this side-effect? It sounds impossible, but I'm trying, and there's an improvement.
Oh, I'm too tired to continue, maybe tomorrow's halfday could knock some vitality back.
Chocovanillioberri
It must amaze some of you how different some people are away from school and by themselves. I realised that Dominic was just like me; one of those that don't actually show our thoughts because we know no one would actually listen and thus we have this 'secret' blog where we just pour out the real us. What lies in between the obscurity of being real and unreal is what I guess is a form of insecurity we feel.
It matters not if you do, because I can name a very recent example.
Brian Tan might look like the craziest, zaniest and most heartcold bitch in the whole of the Sec 3 Express. He might toggle laughter with every word, under-estimate fellow classmates and mock at the rest like what Fahreeq does. But fun is not a middle-name for this guy. I know, I don't know him well, but through one incident I know he isn't as born-crazy as you think... what we have are insecurities that make us attention-loving and different. He might mock or scorn at me as much as he like, but my impression of him remains steadfast; just a normal, quiet and mellow guy.
Other people have insecurities so huge it leaves a gaping hole in their soul, it manipulates their very being and makes them permanently people who are scornful and proud. Fahreeq and Kevinpreet are two perfect examples of what you call 'morons' because they had finally lost their understanding of the human race and perceive that life is about pushing the ones below even lower and pulling the ones above down. I don't scoff both of them, but hey.. can you both like get a life? If you don't understand I can explain EVERYTHING about it beginning from the fictional Big Bang Theory.
Quench A Thirst
I'd be here to listen to everything, anything you wanted to spill. Your secrets shall remain secrets, and I'll try helping anyone. As long as you don't hate help.
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Well, yesterday Teddy was like promoting his wonderful trance website. Did anyone actually know he liked trance? People who likes trance music usually have quirky actions like tapping their fingers too much, rocking their chair etc. Anyway it was good effort. Ok, so where was I? Ya. He was promoting it on his msn messenger nick and I decided to promote my blog too.
Then I realise I had nothing to offer on this blog except my thoughts about stuff and all my experiences. All I could let people see is how I feel, but I want to know how everyone else feel about their life so far. 'What did I really want to do?' I know what I wanted was to listen to others.. and not commit my life solely to myself. So I'm going to make this site as 'people-friendly' as possible.
How? I'm going to actually start this system, when anyone has a problem, or they have no one to talk to.. or just to share what they've learnt in their lives to mail me. And I would write a blog entry dedicated to them. Your name and your problem would not be disclosed. I would try to help. Really.
I know not alot of people would do it, and I don't intend to make this site super-popular and everyone to send me their problems. So I'm going to make this a small system on the blog, as long as you got something you want to spill about... I'll be there there to listen. That's what we are here for; for each other. We form an intricate system where someone means something else to another. That's how we support each other and live for the best.