Theories Behind The Female Race
Whhyyy do women talk in those riddles sia? What do they mean when I feel, but I understand. Or when sometimes life begets problems, but we're causes of it. I think helping peeps like Rachel out is a good taste of the femalehood.
My mum's worse, she'll blow these bad tempers and then they'd go as immediately. When she doesn't approve of what I'm doing, she keeps zipped up. And then start talking loudly about me to Dad. Lol, then Dad just flashes a heck-i'm-not-interested-so-i-act-blur face, and returns to his newspapers.
What about Josephine. I try to talk to her, she gives me frigging one word answers and then after awhile start talking loudly to me. Then give her biscuits la, water la, she'll just give a cold shoulder.. then suddenly we'll start laughing madly and talk about the crap they like to show on TVs. And she still owes me my Goblet Of Fire.
I think must be I always say the wrong stuff. I dunno how to please women sia. Go out with them, will just shy shy and turn away, then start talking the worse crap like "hey that movie was nice," , "cool jewellery.." and stuff like that. Then they'll keep smiling to themselves. I'm shrugging.
Maybe times of the month really make them more moody and stuff. And when they talk emotional, I can catch the easier meanings.. but even this emo freak is stunned by the deeper meanings. I'm no loser at stuff like that, but I'm no female intepreter. I'll just rub the back of my head and sigh.
Even Elaine low - she's damn queer. We wouldn't stop talking although she shove her excessive threats at us... her old tricks like turning off the fans etc. Then she got desperate and said the most stupid and meaningless thing a teacher can say:
"Alright, if you don't shut up. You will have to pay $1000 for SAV,"
Desperate man!
And her. She never talks in class, does all her work, keeps mum, wanna go home on the dot, always having a straight face. GM says she's unfriendly and cold. And I tried defending her. But now, I think she might be like that.... I always have this scenario playing in my head when I start talking to her she'll dao me in class, cause she's always on her trance music (TRANCE MUSIC!! which girl listens to trance..). Then I'm gonna get embaressed forever la.
I know this feeling... like one side telling me.. "Come on Shan Yu!!! Give it up!! You're too ugly, you're younger, you know she's daoing everyone.. what chances have you got?"
Then the other goes, "This is an infatuation, but it tastes candy sweet. Even if it's meaningless maybe in the end there'll be a glimmer of hope,"
Step Into The Tuckshop
I've noticed her la. Sometimes when she just sits there, wonder what she's like. Come on, so she might be old and all... doesn't mean she ain't human. And I ain't interested in her sia... just wondering what another human being is like. We are all united as the human race!!
So! With some creativeness, here's a tribute to the cafeteria cleaner in school.
Don't go wtf at me... lol. Just that I think a lil credit given to her is neccesary.. Aww man, just remember if you were in a self-demeaning post like that. I mean, just share abit for others isn't so bad.
--------------Time Schedule--------
7.00 am - Came to school, took the tray from the vendors and start to wipe the tables. The lonliness is overwhelming. Sitting there, waiting for just tables to be dirty so I can clean them again to kill boredom. But now, I wait.
8.30 am - The first recess hasn't begun yet. I'm talking to the drink stall lady. She says the Integrated Resorts would be spectacular, and she'd gamble all her assets away. What am I to do but laugh? Money is hard to even come by... and these people younger than me...
8.45 am - Trying to remember the past, when I was still a kid. I've already spent two-thirds of my life already.
9.00 am - finally lower secondary recess begins. It's pecuiliar why students just throw their food around. Discard them all. They'd attract all the crows. Nevermind, it's practically none of my business.
9.30 am - Security Guard came and pointed out a table isn't clean. I don't like that group. Especially the other indian guy. He'd be better if he spoke lesser.
11.00 am - 2 recesses gone. Was asked to help carry plates upteenth times by boys. I'm not exactly a cleaner... and then this big 5 Normal guy shoved me to get pass a crowd. Remember those days when I was in school..... everyone knew their strides.
1.00 am - no one said thank you. no one appreciates. Just a careless character, with a careless background. Cleaning up the mess they make, clearing all they've left behind. Time to go home, lie down and smile abit. At least the rubbish for tomorrow can wait for tomorrow.
--------------------------------
Mics Dented In Obscurity.
Woo hoo! I have promoted to ushering for sonicfest! Some Gerald guy called Ben and I, and we're now in ushering, keeping track of peeps, and reporting. I'm gonna miss da girls... especially the new friends...Ushering also means you get to be in the thing... but of course I'll wander around in the end. Heh.
Anyway, hopefully Hanif and I get through to the Stars Wars stuff on national day. He took so much effort to go and remember all the words and then recite them at ultra-speed lah. He reminds me of a black girl arguing on TV when he does that. Like blacks have hidden genetic abilities to move their lips fast.... no wonder some of theirs are kinda thick.
And I couldn't even remember the lyrics for Jesse McCartney's Beautiful Soul. That I was gonna sing.
I guess I pulled through kinda okay cause they didn't say anything about the higher notes. Man, high notes suck. I remember those soprano days... you'll have to fake-voice all the way. You know those opera singers? The females... it's like impossible to make your voice sound like that, high, quavering, but yet whole. People who do that have extra big lungs. Personally, I don't enjoy female opera singing cause it sounds like dramatic women being strangled.
"wooooooooO!!!!!!"
I think I pulled through the auditions rather mildly. I did this for 2 years straight but my heart was still thumping like mad sia. Maybe cause Ms Goh was infront... she just stares and stares at you. But everytime I see her I'm reminded of Daoli's desperate attempts for her.
*shudders*
It's kinda amazing already that Seth likes Ms Chew.
Sonicfest 2005
Sonicfest 2005. You gotta be there.
It's one of the most happening christian arts festivals!
Ben and I went to the crew briefing last night. So took train to Yishun to take 851. And then we realise that it took an hour to reach The Third Place. Instead of worrying if we're late, we started worrying if we'll be there at all. Lol. Then suddenly it dawned on me that we could've taken NEL to Outram and then take a bus. It was practically a tour of Singapore. So we were wussing out when we got there la, walking around, watching what's happening inside.
I think we would never forget that bus ride. Funniest and weirdest I ever had. I think God just really wanted us to have a good laugh.
Anyway in the end did grow balls to get in. Haha, the pastor's a Western guy... we took random volunteery roles and I can't believe my luck. Merchandise! haha... means must sell CDs, fest shirts etc. And that kinda my last year part-time job deja vu. More stock-checking. Lol.
Ben Ngeow left early, and our group's first job was the distribute crew shirts. Then there this other guy, who had black fingernails and all - the only other guy -he damn what sia. He wanted a transfer to ushering section. It's a job closest to the Givestage. So you can basically watch the whole thing from there. Wow. Specific volunteery work. That's quite oxymoron.
Made a few friends... a kindergarden teacher and this other girl I don't really know much of. Took NEL back together. Haha, told them bout my kindergarden days... the love trianlges, the feuds and stuff. School, medicine etc. I was numb when they ask what church I come from, cause I'm just Christian now.. cause I know myself I'm not Catholic.
Man... gonna waste 24 bucks today not going to the dance. But it's ok... take it as my donation to SAV.
Bands like Vertical Rush, Sonicflood and Planershakers! Here's the schedule.. :]
Sonicfest 3-Day Schedule
Understating Part 2: Welcome To My Life
I find the show 'Welcome To my Life' damn interesting. It was funny, there was this support actress Lulu (real name Cindy) who acted real well. Haha, characters like her are hilarious to watch. She's got talent sia... can go be like the next Patricia Mok (in character!!! not in looks!).
Ben's church has this amazing spirit for God. It's surprising. There was a gig after the show, and they all raised their hands in praise... they didn't care what other peeps thought of them, and when the band (amazing gutairist seh..) played songs of celebration, they all started jumping and hopping and screaming. Kinda lunatical, but I think it's cause they really understood something - that God is no. 1. And so nothing else mattered; their pride, their willfulness, all just disappears.
And I just stood there in awe, at how God makes such things powerful. How he unites everyone.. I never expected teens to be able to bow down in His favour whole-heartedly. Maybe you can say I've lost my trust in humankind, but who hasn't been disappointed by another before? So that night was pretty amazing. Till now it still is, I will never forget how the woman behind me raised her arms and sang her heart out, even though not in tune. It just sounded beautiful.
When I went to church the next day alone, then did I realise how empty the praises sounded. How hollow the hymns rang in the church's walls. How I've been deluding myself that I'm a great Christian. I know I don't believe in the Catholic faith, will never truly believe in any. Cause to me, God is Love. And no rules or regulations or rites can differentiate us who believe Him.
Like in my church, I've always been to adult services and it's kinda boring... you see people there as ingenuine, fake, empty praises. As if they go there for duty, for a menial task of making sure their place in Heaven is safe. Loving God isn't just spending a few hours in church, well, that's what I think.
I feel alone, alone to fend Satan. Alone to pray, to worship, to praise. Alone to try my best to comfort myself, because there's a part in everyone where you can never find consolation to, unless you find the right people.
Understating Part 1
Today's gonna be a long day. I can feel it!
Cause after tuition and swimming it's Ben's church concert! Well, my mum's always yodling about, "don't trust other churches ah!" and she reminded me again when I told her about the concert. It's okkaayyy mom. I know she's worried i land up in a cultist church but it won't happen man. I think I can see for myself.
I've been having loads of dreamless nights these days. It's either my creativity has left me or I'm damn shagged recently. Hooper says you only remember dreams when you're not exactly asleep. Then I rather not be exactly asleep. But I remember like bits of her. She does appear sometimes, in my dreams. Yeap. I repeat - In my dreams.
Tuition sucks. I've gotta prepare for it now.
Kill A Mocking Bird
Evolution is God. Or God is Evolution?
I tried to simplify my thoughts these days into that sentence. You should get the point if you think hard enough.. if not, then welp... too bad. It's kinda seconday... like actually you can just care less and the theory would be meaningless.
So if I seem like lost or dao or like not talking... don't bug me about it. Cause it's a metamorphosis. Woah... nice word. Words like that intrigue me, like ensuage. I read that from a To Kill A Mocking Bird today. I think this is my third attempt to try finish that book. What a lukewarm moron I am.. heh.
Welp, this is THE original soft cover version of the book. hmm, if I remember correctly I got this off a bookshop in a hurry cause my folks had a MPH voucher and we needed another book to balance up the cash in the voucher ($50) or else we'd be losing our own cash. This came up as a good squeeze-in.
I just realised loads of peeps in school are killing themselves slowly by smoking, sex, soon-to-be-pot and stuff. you just look at Ray. Word is he had sex three times. This is called carnal desires gone bad sia... I mean, I would lust but I won't like actually do it. You know some people have the weirdest fetishes? I remember I had a friend who said his friend would get turned on when he touches a rusty surface...woah! That's rare. Hmmm, and I know some peeps who have fetishes for panties, cause its a peice of cloth closest to we-all-know-where, but hell, doesn't mean you keep staring upskirt la. I also heard some who have fetishes for shoes... they actually masturbate in a shoe.. A SHOE. My point is all people have weird fetishes... hmmm.. mine must be long slender legs. What's your's huh? Lol..
What the heck. None of my damn business. You better keep your fetish to yourself if it regards anything quirky.
Anywaayyy, decided to be in Stars Wars... in the end I'll just give it a shot. Hope i can get a consolation prize this time.. then can get at least like 10 bucks off the next Hillsongs CD I'm buying. Wooooo! Gotta have that new Hillsongs United Look To You. They're super experts la... especially Joel Houston... he can really compose. Of course we can't delude ourselves in just music.. it's no point, there's so much more than just music for Him.
*Advertistment* *advertisment*
Heh, I know it's pink, but who cares, they can put brown/black/purple, whatever. Matters is what's inside!! >:] The music!!! Cheahh!
Man... I'm going to shove off now... gotta study chemistry.
God Bless.
Growing Up Bashed Up
Hmm.. been blogging about some random thoughts over the week, now they aren't really readable are they? Haha, it's for my own reference... like it's good when you look back on what you write and see how your mindsets change over time. It's quite a cool experience!!
I mean, like maturity seeps in on ya.. then you realise... "OH! I've got breasts!" or "Hmm... armpit hair sia..." that kinda thing. Maturity is actually like another way to say abnormal hair growth. And of course it means stuff like weight loss, height, character, more sports blah blah blah and all those stuff.
I remember how I thought I would never make it on without digimon. And when I think now, it's like haha... sure. Digimon. And sex to me at Primary 6 was holding hands. Then I realise it's impossible to diffuse any kind of reproductory cells through skin, so I changed my mine and thought it's by kissing. Cause maybe saliva had those cells. Imagine saliva that has sperms. LOL.
Now, 4 years down the road. Seems so damn fast huh? It's like more things happen between ages 13-16 than your life before that. Wohoh! And Mr. Acne has been accomapnying me since the beginning of Secondary Education, and we became very very very good friends during Sec 3... but now I can feel he finally wants to say goodbye. :] I won't miss him.
And this is my final work today in the art room! (Done out of boredom)... presenting my form teacher ELAINE LOW!
Well, haha... it's actually a group effort.
Going Bonkers
Maybe if I was a little better to my family it'd be better. I realise I've just been a selfish moron to them.. just commanding, then spending money, then talking back to parents. I feel like I owe them too much, too much to even repay. Then it dawns on me that they are there cause God saw significance to them being there for me, he could just easily leave me alone, with no kin. They mean alot to be just there. And I should stop wishing everyone would see my view of the world, and keep my view as - just a view.
Maybe because I'm quite dominating, that's why I keep telling myself I want a really decent and shy girl. I realise I just want to dominate over my spouse, and I scares me... I know I'm scaring myself. So right now, I'm going to change to be more calm, and let people stay above me. Because being dominating is a form of selfishness, no?
So if she is reading this (which is a chance of 10/100), I really wanna ask her if she likes me or not. Cause she looked at me again, and I just skipped a beat. I think I'm going crazy... maybe she was just looking casually, why am I going crazy over some girl who shows no interest? Maybe she wants me to take initiative? Or maybe I'm freaking myself out. Man, whenever I listen to 'I Drive Myself Crazy' by Nsync I'd think of her.. I think I am driving myself crazy, thinking about her... remembering how she spoke, how she laid down on the table and told KPS she's tired.
Crush? Haiz.
Ex-2B 4SA peeps
Dead beat. Wow... swimming at Jurong sure takes a hell out of you... The other time going with TL and Wen Song and Walter was much more shagged. Cause we had to go finding Wen Song's goggles and all.. (that dope! drop his goggles in the lazy river..!) and we couldn't find it. This time was kinda fun too, cause SH and I took the pink slide 3 times continuous and were mimicking dora lee, sofy, fann wong inside the slide. Damn hilarious.. haha. Damn loads of peeps there on Youth Day, and the lazy river was green and foggy... like real river water sia. Then the four of us went to the wave pool to cling on the side, then the guy kept slapping Hanif, Dan's, Sh and my hands. What a wussy... we sprayed water back at him. Haha.
Heh... enjoyable stuff for once.
Jeremy lost alot of weight sia... he said he did 100 push ups and 50 jumping jacks everyday... wth. I mean he could go for some Mary Chia advertisment la... he lost like 5 kg in half a year. From bullyable to not-so-bullyable. Damn. One less person to cut short on. Tehah. He's quirky, and looks like that small kid from the starhub SCV ad.. the one at dhoby ghaut mrt... I can still remember his toxic fumes breath. He could kill a horse with it.
And I haven't even spoke to Tim for months. Which is kinda good! Lol, cause he's the famous backstabber so at least I stayyy awayyy to avoid self-intended mishaps. And of course to peeps like Jing Hao (whose birthday's coming so Happy Birthday!), Yi Siong (will buy the pokemon books) and so on... seems like only peeps from 4SA huh...like I said, 4SA-ians will remain 4SA-ians. Once you go there, it's like getting dumped into a pile of zombies. Hahaha... kk, I won't be so bad la... they are all just smarter. Now that is a VERY big standard-jump from the rest of us.
What about Adrian and Matthew Lin huh? All I know about Adrian is he's still selfish and conceited... he really should go back to Shanghai. At least he'd be so cautious he won't get cheated by any chinaman. Then Matthew Lin, haha... must congratulate him for his failed attempts for DSA. Just work hard like the rest of us, it's good enough.
Hmm.. seem to be missing alot from the Ex-2Bs. Like recently I found out Yong Hui listens to My Chemical Romance sia... I can't expect 4SA peeps to listen to good rock. Shit, I must admit that some of them are over-achievers, like good in studies, sports, and aren't outcasts. They exist pretty much... cause they can always find something to do with their lives. Not like us.. or like me.. who slacks alot, so much until I'm a dumbass during chem..
But! All's good, I will work hard!
Well, - tomorrow - that is.
Across Cinematics
*stares blankly*
I watched War Of The Worlds yesterday. It went just like the book - the alien buggers did die of bacteria. Maybe they could've spiced their deaths up instead of just letting them die, and their tripods just stopped moving. Man... it sure was quick and sudden. But the movie was still excellent... Dakota Fanning's a child prodigy. She acts hell good. I think she has guts to make it into the entertainment business, it's hard to be a child and act too.
If you've watched it, I think the part where they blow up into dust was cool, you know? I thought they turned into bones or something, so that was rather unexpected.
Here's a memorable moment from Mean Girls:
I just find the fakeness of that part amusing... anyway, Good Charlotte's coming to town! Woohoo! 69 bucks a ticket... hmm, I wonder if I can save up enough by the concert and watch, but it would be damn enjoyable to see them perform live for once. Whose up for it? haha.. well, if no cash then I won't go. But- but GC rocks.
"LIVE IN SINGAPORE!!!"
Is The Border Really Life and Death?
Damn worried about lao ma... she slammed her head on the ground a few days back... it's the second time this year. It's not exactly okay to fall backwards and land head-first when you're 100 yrs old. I think she's pretty lucky... but now it has really stunned her, she can't walk around that much anymore. Hope she gets well soon.
I'm already glad she's still around, and though I haven't really talked ot her one on one, but she's always been there as a barrier... you know? Like setting the limits of what you can do and what you can't, right and wrong. I guess everybody is more wary of God around her. Cause she's so holy and faithful to His love. She depends on Him for her existence. I really don't care if she's a Catholic, cause I believe there's no boundary, or categories to His love. You can stay a Catholic, an Anglican.. whatever, I think it all comes down to if you live for Him, or live for the rules you think comes with Him.
That's why i guess I wanted to do something about her for 'O' Levels. And I know she'd be happy when she leaves for Eternity.
When I read Purpose Driven Life today.. it says we are preparing ourselves for Eternity. Everything we do, is a test of character and a leap of faith. And I guess I'm not up for it. Everything we have - even ourselves - are God's loans to us. Somehow it bothers you, to do something up to standard? But He is the Lord. And everything is for Him.
When people cry over lost ones. It's because we love them so much, we don't want to see them leave. It's always sad when someone has to go, the way they leave everyone and everything behind, and move on to a better place. Maybe you can call that selfish, but that's all just human.
Just imagine, what would life be like if there isn't this person there anymore? When I ask myself that, somehow, I then really understand their importance to me.
HEY MY BLOG!
I think reading XiaXue blog is pretty pointless.
As we all would know, xiaxue is supposedly Singapore's most famous blogger. And Moses says she asked people to vote for her to have this supposedly Singapore's most famous blog. It's just about her screwing theories about life. What is so nice about some lame snapshots, some queer captions, which isn't very entertaining at all? I'd rather watch World's Funniest Animals.
Miss 'Supposed'
And when ever peeps question her idiocy, she'd retort like hell. Ok, fine madam... then I wonder why people even try to comment. Be it screwed up critisism or curry favours, you should read it carefully. Ponder if you're really what they say you are, and even if you're not, take it as being constructive. Isn't life a pusuit to be better?
Besides, blogs are just personal stuff. Sure, they're on the net... but it's something you keep to yourself and a bunch of gd friends, not "HEY!!! This is MY blog!!". Like people give a damn. Maybe abit of humility would do everyone good. It's good to be confident, but not to actually ask why people worship your blog. It is just... absurd. Your popularity is just a benevolence from a partial group of humankind... and doesn't mean you have a higher accord or anything.
Bah, what am I to say...
For a sight of pink smear and conceited self-portraits, please visit xiaxue.blogspot.com
Asian "Blondes".