The Shoestrap.
HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!
Time for the festivities to kick in! We're gonna bring down the house with non-stop party and mandarins and sweets and hong baos and so on! Wow. I tell you the reason why being a Chinese is so great is because there is such a thing called The Chinese New Year. I'm not very superstitious, but I definitely am traditional! And very soon, we'll be meeting alot of old relatives, and I'm intending to talk alot lot more to those distant cousins and make friends with them. Cause this is a phase of change - 16 to 17 is a big leap. So no time to be introverted!
Two days ago, Xiao Hui, Vanessa and I went to make contact lenses. The shop was pretty rickety, but it would be of that obvious state after it being in some rundown place along Paya Lebar. Vanessa introduced me there cause it was much cheaper than alot of other places (because it's old = fewer customers = cheaper... You get the picture), but after several tests, the guy told me I had to wait after CNY before I can get it. Since I got astigmatism, they have to specially send the deal to the factory to make me a pair.
And after we got out, Xiao hui kept nudging me to do something with Vanessa. Cause I told her I found Vanessa kinda cute, and she being a close friend of hers, really wanted to be some part-time matchmaker and pull us together. So she told me to talk to her, to bring her across the road, to send her home etc. And I was pretty stunned. I've never courted anyone, so what she told me to do I usually didn't carry out, or I would say something crappy and make a spoof out of myself, and vanessa would giggle at my dumbness.
I didn't send Vanessa home, but I did walk her across the street and walked back, just to make sure she didn't get hurt by the traffic. Then Xiao hui and I took a bus to bugis so she could meet up with soem other friends and me with Iven. Xiao Hui thinks I'm only mildly interested in Vanessa. Which I am. I mean I'd keep quiet around her, and feel great after chatting with her over the phone etc. But it's just not the right time to invest in a relationship.
Anyway, when Xiao Hui and I got off at Bugis, she sort of tripped over a step on the bus while alighting, and her heel strap tore. I was stunned by the situation, so I ran to a nearby Cheers to find super glue, but they don't sell it. Then she suggested Kinokuniya, I told her to hold still at the bus stop while I run around Bugis Junction trying to find a store that sells super glue. I found a gift shop that did, and ran back to her. It's hilarious, cause I was practically running around like some crazy baboon in the shopping centre.
She got the glue all over her foot though. Luckily there was the cardboard the super glue came in to wipe some of the glue off. We laughed. I was in sweat and she in glue. I never expected something like that to happen... I guess that moving away from 10 years of all-boys schooling, gotta learn to be more chivalrous.
Well, here's to CNY! *raises a mickey mouse cup*
CNY EVE
Whooooo.. it's Chinese New Year Eve already! That's pretty fast, considering how the first month of 2006 is already ending. Tonight, would be the first night
Alright. I know hexane doesn't cause brain damage. I went to do some slight research.
Bought the Just Like Heaven novel yesterday. It's a pretty good read, just that some major parts of the movie didn't tally with the book. So.... it was somewhat disappointing. I shan't go into details, I know loads of peeps who didn't get to watch it. No point me ranting about the storyline.
All I have to say is, the way authors depict their characters are really awesome. You can imagine yourself living the life they're living, down to the very sock colour you're wearing. Walking in the streets of London, Manhattan, NY, wherever. And doing the things they do - in this novel, the dude's an architect - and getting into the situations they find themselves in.
That's my temporary high; living out someone else's life. But in books only, of course. Trying to escape from reality... and hoping some miraculous situation would happen in my own life so I don't find living my own life boring.
Message From God: You have to live your own life. What I gave you. Be appreciative, instead of trying to run away from your life because you think there's too many problems in it you can't solve. And wishing you had another's cause you think he's living off much better than yourself. It doesn't happen like that. The only reason why you think your life is boring is because you don't try to make it interesting.
So who have I got to blame? No one.
Sometimes I wish I don't think that deeply into matters. I wish I was less emotive (if there's such a word), then I wouldn't string so many problems out for myself. I would burrow deeper and deeper and deeper under the skin of things, just to WISH I find something wrong with it.
As usual, I'm writing alot more horse-nibblewitty-radish than usual. So ta-ta! Enjoy your reunion dinners! I'm thinking steamboat with abalone and dumplings. Mmmmmmm...
Brainwobbled.
Suffering from a headache. I think it's because I smell too much hexane at work. Seems like hexane is a form of cleaning agent for most plastic manufacturing companies. Meiban uses it, but they store it well... so I never got to smell it. But at my current worksite, they use heaps and heaps of it (exposed), so the pungent chemical odour engulfs the whole place.
I think it causes brain damage. But well, who knows? Jisheng suspects it too, he said that if most chemicals have toxic smells, why not hexane too?
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Matthew 18:12 - 13
12"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? 13 And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.
God Is My Strength
Went for some CNY shopping today (distant audible females echoing: SHOPPING!) with my mum. Man, I didn't know a pair of Levi's cost so much - 139 bucks! You can get a brand new skateboard with that kind of cash... But yeah, I did get it in the end. The sales assistant over there was like choosing the colours of the jeans for me... "Faded blue? Or this blue? This blue has more fade spots...blah blah blah" and so on. My mum went along with what he encouraged. So I went along too.
Anyway, we walked around Bencoolen's OG. Got some random shirts. Then my mum went to get her stuff and I went straight to churrrrch.
Chinese New Year is really great cause you get to see people pack up all around Chinatown, buying melon seeds, or crowding about to get fake flowers to decorate their homes... and so on. You can feel the vibe in the air, the swarming crowds and fanatic bargain hunters, like as if you gotta be a part of it. You gotta transform yourself into a full-fledged Singaporean Chinese that chirrups the original Singlish slang to be IN the mooood. I dunno, maybe because my family's really Chineseeey and we keep traditions going, so I've inherited loads of cultural genes.
All the teachers know I'm a traditionalist. I've even chided Miss Chew for not having an authentic chinese wedding ceremonial when she intends to marry. Tsk tsk... HOW CAN DON'T HAVE?!
Ok where was I? Yeah. Church. I must really really thank God. Pastor Jennifer did the speech about Thinking Twice Before Speaking. And it felt like as if God wanted me to BE there, to hear her preach about God. The topic she was on was exactly the same one that I was having insecurities about.
When I was worshipping, I heard God say, "Shan Yu, I'm going to take away your burdens and insecurities, and remove all these walls you've built up around yourself, leaving your true, most inner part of you for the world to see,"
And with that *poof* No questions asked, no reluctance needed, I was a changed man. The presence of the Holy spirit is hard to explain, it's like you get drained off your blood, and fall into a state of levitation. And then you can feel like you're floating... and the old you disaparates behind you, and something takes over your body. (No, don't think possession, it's more divine than that) Okay crap. Don't listen to me and my gibberish. Let's just leave it that you can't explain the presence of The Holy Spirit. I bet T.H.S comes in different ways with different peeps anyway. SO DON'T take my word for it!
Then our NEW cell group, comprising of Esther, Cheryl, Liane, Jeng, Yong Jin and I went for DINNER! At Holland V! I got into the talk about cheerleaders...(let's not go there) and I saw Lor LiPut again! Jeng and I noticed a dark alleyway near this POSB Bank around the Holland V area, and at the end of it, illuminated a large blue banner that says "HYPNOTHERAPY". It scares the monkeybones out of me. I've always associated Hypnotherapy with cackling witches or black browed mafias with black polo hats....
*Slaps myself*
Me and my crazy imagination. o_o
Poparazzi
Relating to my previous blog entry, I have no idea how I suddenly became so bare. It's like I stripped down all my facade, all those barriers and spoke from within. The quintessnce of Shan Yu. As I put it. I think I was too caught at the moment, then the words start stringing into sentences, and it went on and on and on and became paragraphs and paragraphs. Blah blah blah...
Anyway, I hate my work. This is supposedly my second job from this agent William Kung... after working in Meiban. The new working area is like some Chinatown slum, equipped with dusty fans, black walls and pungent chemical smells. It's like some retard-manufacturing factory. The people there are absolutely speechless. They hardly murmur a word to one another, let alone us.
Anyway, I went Temasek Poly open house today with YK and Hanif. The design school was kinda a disappointment. I really was expecting much more from an established school. I don't think I can fit into Visual Communications... I know how indecisive I am.. and having to choose a specific course (photography, aparrel design etc.) in Year 2 of poly isn't very appealing. I dunno, I just might have to stick with JC Life. Gotta PRRAYYYY about this! And hope He finds me a way.
Well, Hanif's gonna quit his job cause his Dad is buying him an N70. Gwarrsh, wonder how deep his dad's pockets are man... that phone definitely causes a bomb. I don't even think about that, I mean... my salary's just enough to get me through the holiday expenses. And its $1600... cause I owe loads of poeple cash, and on top of that $400's going to my mum as tribute. Wei Min says that's stupid, but hey... you gotta give tribute when you're older and working, so might as well practice giving now... see how expenses build up and reality crash on you when you have to improvise on your cash. Hahaha.
I'm gonna start wearing contact lenses soon. Even done some extensive research on monthly soft lenses... and it's suitable underwater! Yay... swimming with contact lenses! Hopefully I won't open my eyes too big - like in shock or something - and the contact lens drift out of my eyeballs. That's only if I don't see people stripping underwater in a public pool (which is higher unprobable anyway). But since I have astigmatism, I need to get some specialised contacts that cost a hefty 180 bucks for 6 months, the spectacles shop tells me. 180! Where am I gonna get that kind of money before CNY? I dunno... and I'm also kinda scared of the idea of putting it in your eye and pinching it out. You have to pinch the contacts out of your eye. That's kinda scary.
I bet I'm gonna spend hours in the shop trying to put the darn things into my eyes.
Pastures
When Pauline asked us a week back during cell, how far do you accept change? I just felt really dumbfounded.
And I still am.
Cause I don't think I can accept change. Not every single part of it. Recently, YK has suddenly resurfaced himself into my social circle (after two years of very random and rare communication), and the times when we were really close friends - that dated back in sec 2 - just suddenly came back to my mind. Well I sure don't wanna think about how we came into cahoots and how I screwed up the friendship. But all I can say that until now, he was my only true best friend. As in he was the only one that I felt most comfortable with in my own skin.
We used to call each other every other night and talk about girls, or really interesting stuff. He always seem to know alot...so he tells me alot of things I don't know, and trust me, I just gave my feedback on the information he carried in his brain. But it was fun, and he didn't press me for anything, we were just simply great friends. He was really something - he was the one that made me stay good and fun and cheerful. Perky little Shan Yu! Walks down, confidence oozing from everywhere! Because I have a friend who would always pick me up when I go down.
But I guess it doesn't mean much to him now does it? I mean I bet his girlfriend makes up a whole lot more than how much I mattered to him then. And I just wished I had his life; a girlfriend who would simply click with me - just like how he and I clicked together as friends.
And all I can blame is myself. I've screwed his life up then, and my own life up when we got off our friendship. A long story about how we detached ourselves from each other. It was painful.
But, he's moved on, and I should be moving on. Why, I've been standing at that very spot where I've failed him. And I can't seem to take a step forward. I've always tried to move straight on, but then seem to reverse and come back to the same spot. The very same spot when Yk and I weren't even friends anymore. Maybe because I've not yet found any other friend whose like that - really close. Close to the extent that everything can just come clean. That you won't have to hide secrets from one another.
I'm just tired. You know? From how everyone seems to be able to ditch the past and walk straight ahead into the future with no worries. While I worry about everything - about new friends, new environments, untable relationships, whatsoever. I'm scared of the past, afraid of the future. Maybe when you've invested into a deep friendship, you'll suddenly realise that when you've lost it, it doesn't feel the same anymore. Because you suddenly have faith that some people in this world actually take effort of their time to care about you, and then you hope that you'll always have that feeling.
I sometimes dream that I'd get a surprise birthday party. One where there's all the lights and champagne, in a small restaurant. And maybe a small group of people (maybe 10 close relatives and friends?) come together. Everyone's clapping, and smiling, and really glad that I'm here - on Earth - with them. And we'll all talk and laugh about happy times. And then play loads of games and sing karoake.
I know that doesn't happen in reality. But it definitely does appear in my dreams. Lol. It sounds crazy and lame and stupid. But that's kinda my affirmation to all my insecurities. But till then when it will actually happen I'll be a truly happy person....
Wait, or when I find the One Right Girl For Me. That too.
Chalet 2006
Okay, the chalet was kinda flop. I ended up paying 40 over bucks from my own pocket to get it going. And that's on top of the $30 I paid. And also I still owe some people that wanted a refund of $30 that they originally paid... cause Nicholas overestimated the amount of food we needed for bbq. So we had to do a 2-say bbq instead of the intended 1 day.
Well, that's kinda good cause it was so much better on the second day than the first.
Anyway, it went relatively well. We went out to watch the sunrise, to find out in the end we couldn't see it from where we were standing in the beach. Haha... damn jack. So we waited for quite abit, and I fell into a sleepy dose there, just threw myself into slumber on the beach bench. Seems like East Coast is really really cold at night, the wind was worse than the air con back in the chalet. The beach was fun at night, people actually fished at night, and we saw two guys playing guitar and singing (GAY). So we sat and talked about stuff, very random stuff. And we saw VJC camping out in the open.
East Coast Park, Wei Min, Salty, Me, and Eugene.We didn't even get to play basketball, and wm brought the ball along. This is probably about 2 am on the first night. Then we decided to head for the beach.
GHOST! GHOST! As usual someone would bug an almost perfect shot. :] hahaha... just joking. We just went to the beach to wait for the sunrise. Then decided to do some stupid stuff like Chicken Dance!
Marco and I were abit high that night. With those big smokey clouds fogging the strong beams of the moonlight- it looked like East Coast was just a replica of some cheesy horror movie. So we had some fun with my handphone trying to do some self pics in the ghostly scenery. It was a flop though, as you can see my camera sucks at night.. all those coloured pixel lines... Haha
Well, this is exactly what I meant. I mean, YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE COOL EMOTION I HAD OVER MY FACE.
*Hello*? Team Tuls on the line, come confess your obnoxious behavior or prepared to get gyrated. (This picture is so gayyyyy.)
I really wonder why there's a platform for peeing. It's even too short for young kids. It's meant to practice squatting. IPPT shit or something. Well, that's what I think the stupid platform is for. :]
It's 3 am and we're having fun!
The next night Colin and Ernest came, but really late. They had to clear the food, and we had so much leftovers, all gone to Mr Rubbish Bin. We even cleared this whole tray of fried rice in there (untouched, mind you) cause it went bad after the first night. Dedric kept saying how could fried rice go bad? Hah! It does ok.. cause their eency weeny bits of cooked meat that can rot. Ernie went to have some maggi mee with us. I think he actually likes Pussycat Dolls! Cause he kept trying to sound professional for Don't Cha. LOL
Preparing the Charcoal for second day bbq. The fire just couldn't start cause the firestarters kept diminishing before it burnt any charcoal.
We had to thank Mr Ernie Sia here who actually had some experience with BBQ. The rest of us just sat and watch as he made his houses for those firestarters. Though professional, those firestarters were the ones that diminished in the end. Well, he blamed me and my amateurism. I agree, I shouldn't had played with his charcoal houses.
All these happened outside while this bunch of slackers barred themselves indoor playing a stupid football/basketball game. Uber tulssy. Manchester City 3, man U 0. HAHA! Man U sucks.
We kinda screwed up the fire, and Dedric was going nuts at how things should be done. He's always such a hilarious bugger. The rest of us? Just looked as he tried to revive the fire. Adn finally we had the barbecue going. i did alot of prawn shelling. And Ded ric said it was stupid cause that made the marinateed flavour go off. Aiya, heck it. Marco and Wilson and Ded were the Barbecuers. They did all the food. So must thank them for their effort!
Then we went to sleep. Kind cramp in the chalet room, and we were tulssifying each other. Like we would say crazy things about each other and laugh. Like gar meng and I were labelled tulssifers/sisters/whatever. And we took pictures of Nicholas' butt cleavage. VERY FUNNY. But sadly, I can't post it up because it's public humiliation. And that's the last thing Nicholas needs.
The next morning. Attack Of The Bees. There were so many bees outside that were attracted to our honey jar that we've left open outside overnight. (I dunno which stupid bugger did that), and when we went near the honey jar, there was this mass number of drowned bees in it. And we did everything, we lit tissue papers to smoke them off, poured water, swipe them with paper plates, squish them with tongs... okay, the last one was fake. I just grabbed that honey jar with bees flying all over and dump it inside the rubbish dump. It was one HUGE battle - The 40 over bees Versus Seth, Jy and I. But at least we won! HAHA. But after an hour of tormenting bee-shooing.
I guess we won't have anything close to this next year, or the year after already. So this is the end huh? Of a long 4 years, and of any event that's gonna hold us together. Actually, the very fact that we're not gonna see each other again, is somewhat comforting. Comforting in the sense that you know, some of us are gonna make it in life, others will fall... but our paths are finally having a bent. There would be no more time to come back and reminisce and remain friends, cause there wouldn't be a chance.
Maybe I'm too sentimental. I don't think it means much to many of my class peeps.
Oh well, what am I to do? I am part of a dying species man! Any woman can see that. ahahahaa.. Well, the chalet was overall fun, and like how Wei Min put it. It was better than nothing. :]
So guys out there, 4ST was really better than nothing. :]
The End.
Situational Responses
I love situations.
Don't you love how things build up and a situation is formed? How something unexpected happens and a spark ignites to set something on fire. And no, I'm not saying all this because I'm in some deep shit - no situations have formed for me in the past few months.
But I do crave for something to screw up.
Not because I'm a perverse person with a freak-headed mindset, but because I think I had too much of the norm these past few weeks. And its getting boring, almost monotonous, there isn't anymore driving force to push on with life.
Well, there's God still right?
All I can say is that, I'm too tired of betraying his trust. I'm too tired for being angry with myself for not staying on track, reading my bible everyday, and loving Him. I always stop and sin before I think of the consequences. Somehow, this has become a vicious cycle - plummating into wrong-doing, getting back up, and then doing it again. He must really be heartbroken.
Maybe I do have a situation then. With God. with church. I think either I'm too unsociable in church, or that the people in church are unfriendly. Cause, it doesn't feel right... to just hang out with your churchmates only on Saturday. No one calls anyone else to chat on weekdays, no one wants to meet up for a movie, or sit down somewhere in starbucks and have a chat. There isn't commitment. We just find time on saturday, squeeze in cell group and service, worship, sing, pray, and then it's off to our busy lives again. For some reason, I feel like I'm being labelled The Worse Christian in cell, cause Pauline (My CGL) always seem to target her advice on me. Pauline is an adult, she's busy with her own ministry (since she is the head of a children's ministry), and I can understand she's juggling her exasperating work with us - a bunch of teenagers. And maybe because of that, she don't have time to sit down and actually be our friend. I dunno, there's no concern coming out of this.
Anyway, why am I lamenting about church? It's not like I'm such a perfect and wonderfuullll person to find fault in church. People always says there's no perfect church... sometimes, you'll have to compromise yourself to be in it. Myabe I should try compromising. You know sometimes I find myself always putting on a front, like before I left my Catholic church, I was convinced me - one person - would have the ability to change catholic ways around, and make the catholic community more fun and united. Stop all those people from just attending a Sunday mass, and then leaving for a God-forgotten week. But I couldn't. So Chia Shan Yu, what exactly on earth are you doing?
I don't want relationships in church to remain stagnant, and so what do I do? I'll just have to be a little more friendly, a little more open, and see how it goes. Take baby steps at a time. And try improving my relationships, instead of just saying I would.
If people still try to barricade themselves, then I guess I'll have to resort to change. No matter what, God is there. He'll show me what to do.
OK! I think I've said enough for one day. This shouldn't be up and about on the internet! What if I get ostracized by what I say? Oh no.... ahahaa.... okok enough about this. So goodnight for today! It's really getting late. 2.34 am. Lol
You Can Put Your Weed
Ooooo It's been a crazy week since Aaron's arrival. Like, I've finally seen Chornicles of Narnia - the show that everyone knows I'm going crazy for. It's pretty cool! Cause the way they've made Aslan was fantastic. I was sure the director (former director for Shrek 1 and 2) wouldn't be up for such a big masterpiece, cause Shrek was a disaster.
But The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe was AWESOME. I watched it with Jospehine and other aunties. I thought the witch was a great actress. Her name's Tilda Swinton or something, she looked interesting cause even though she was hazel haired, she had them most amazing black pupils. They were just jet black, like those of any normal chinese.
Of course there were some parts they've changed, like there was no fox that rallied troops in the book. Peter didn't try to kill the wolf on a melting river. And loads of other stuff. Mainly they've tried to capture the essence of the book, yet modifying it to be more audience-friendly (like more action packed scenes and stuff).
I watched it again later with Gar Meng two days ago. We had a pact on giving me a free movie ticket. It was super funny cause we were making fun of the SIA Airlines commercial that aired before the movie. The one where they travel around places? Well, there was one part an Indian woman gave this SIA lady a pink flower. Then Gar Meng cracked into the Indian woman's voice, "Here's my eggs inside the flower, let's blend them with yours,".
There were loads of stuff we were laughing about. We were such bastards, I'm sure the people around us were really pissed with us.
Then one night Aaron and I met up first after my work to go Topman and get Hooper some nice clothes... we were talking about loads of deep stuff. Like how we felt about some people, what experiences we've got with relationships, what strange things have we've seen and not told anyone. And because we were so caught up with all these emo talk we somehow strayed from Tangs to Scotts to God knows where before making a detour into Lido. All this while it was raining. It was pretty weird, we've only met a few days before and already one night we were talking about our crushes/gfs and how much they meant to us, and the next night about aliens and God etc.
It's funny how we clicked.
Been to Hooper's quite abit this week. Still as amazing! The penthouses! Wow! I mean, if I got a whole apartment to myself I'll go crazzzzzzyyy. I think Hooper got into the idea pretty much earlier than me cause he's not amazed by how lucky he is anymore. Lol.