Think.
Think about your best friend. Think about how long you've known that person, how you've built up a relationship with him or her over the years. You've probably known that person for quite a while, you've maybe forgotten about how you met and some of the things you did together to make you best friends. The bonds you formed and opinions you forged together.
When you count up all the time you've spent with that person, all the words you've ever exchanged, all the ideas and emotions you've shared, it probably adds up to quite alot of interaction. Now think about the people in your family. The chances are you've forged some strong bonds and interacted with members of your family on the same sort of level.
Now think about your best friends family, they've forged similar bonds with their family. Imagine that each member of YOUR family also have best friends, your parents who are older than you have been around longer than you. They've interacted with a hell of alot more people for a longer period of time.
Include your extended family. We're building up a pretty complicated picture where there are ALOT of webbed bonds, all with links to each other, right? All with years and years of history, communication and interaction. All extending back to periods and places you've never been to, never heard about.
For every cool story your parents, grand-parents and friends have told you, there are another 50 they haven't told you about, or have forgotten about. All those places you've never seen, that will never exist again, all those ideas and certain situations and set of circumstances that existed for a fraction of a second, and were captured in someones mind many years ago, now forgotten and irretrievable.
Imagine all these pictures, people, faces, places, emotions, ideas, interactions and bonds, all creating pathways in life, all crossing over each other, winding madly around the surface of the Earth like animated pieces of string or neural pathways in your mind, all buzzing with electricity.
And while you hold this huge complicated image in your mind of all these people and moments which may or may not be linked together, which have existed momentarily or will exist forever, of all these thoughts and concepts which will never exist, which are only ideas created in someones mind. While you recognize the immense quantity of things going on here, understand that this is but a minescule fraction of ONE mind: your mind.
Everything which you've thought of, all the images thrown up in the back of your eyes, racing accross your brain, thousands and thousands of objects, real and imaginary, all existing for different lengths of time.
You've imagined so much in such a small amount of time, created so many possibilities. And yet throughout your whole life you'll do this time and time again. A second is an immeasurable amount of time for the human mind, an eternity.
Now factor in that there are around 6.5 billion people on this planet, each of them capable of what you've just done, and yet each entirely different from you. Each forging their own thoughts and ideas on different situations, creating new experiences from old ones, from their pathways. Their piece of the string randomly twists round this corner, and that one, edging close to that of your best friend, accross yours for a fraction of a second, and then off round the other side of the world.
6.5 billion people with an average life-span of 60 years, when 1 second is enough to imagine the whole world and all the people in it, all interconnected, breathing the same air, buzzing with the same life and energy, and yet each with their own history, their own situations and their own future.
Why Do We Have Blogs?
Ok, tackling the Why-Do-Peeps-Have-Blogs issue, I have a few comments. Cause I know of some people (in and out of school) who are bringing up the issue, and how everyone's destroying everyone else with a mere - dot blogspot dot com. You can't actually call blogs a 'private journal'; they are online, so they are communicative publications, nothing even close to private.
Hey, we have blogs because we want attention. Is that primitive enough? I like to get hooked onto a blog about someone else's life. It's like a storybook. Just that it never reaches an ending. We are all humans, we love to showcase ourselves, and also butt in into other people's affairs. Some of us just wants a piece of net space where you can actually see your accomplished entries, nothing else. Hey, most of us aren't xiaxues. We don't bother if this page looks nice and attractive so we get more readers. We don't care if the topics we talk about are meer happenings in our boring life, and not about hot political/teenage/sexual/scandalous issues that would attract a crowd. It's simply prosaic.
I put one up because it's easy to see what you write. You know, navigation? So I won't have to go through thousands of documents to look for a singular blogpost. Or had to scroll ages to find one singular post dated ages ago.
And also, it'll be interesting when a stranger gets to know another stranger through some crazy journals, huh? A person with probably no relations to you, happen to stumble on your blog, and was ridiculous enough to take time to read what you rant about day after day. And from there slowly get to know you, understand your life, your personality, equate your experiences and situations with their own, and regard you as a friend they never knew, even though he or she is probably a million miles away, has never communicated with you, and has absolutely nothing to do with you. Did I just made you notice how powerful blogging can be?
Cool huh? The idea of it? Blogging can really make the world a whole lot closer. That's if you are willing to go out there and read what others write. Of course you can argue that it also does the reverse, it brings people apart, allows people to voice insensitive comments about others, blah blah blah, but let's leave the minority.
I always worry about the day blogger.com collapses.... hey, seriously! Imagine the information wasted! Imagine how millions of accounts written by millions of people around the world go down the trash.
*scurries to make a back-up*
Freaking Rollercoasters
Whooooo! FINAL DESTINATION 3.
Went to watch it today. It's definitely more blood and guts than the first or the second film. But hey, if you like spooky, mystique, and dead original storylines. This is a must-catch.
Went movie-ing with Fabs. I haven't caught up with him for years. Well he's still pudgy, but he has an ambition in life today! To look like Tom Welling in 4 years time! You should know who Tom Welling is... the guy in smallville? Well anyway of course I laughed abit at his hilarious comment. But I wish him all the best! I really do!
Well the movie was cranking everybody up, and I was cranking up because of the crank ups. I don't really care about death. If you die, you die. Grotesque, morbid, peaceful, euthanasia, impact. It's all death. Fated, sealed, ended. No use being scared about it, I thought all of them should have tried dying in a car, you know, carbon monoxide? Then you could just suffocate in your sleep. Fabian suggested drowning.
Wahahah, we're weird folks.
We know whose at the end of the journey - Him.
.
"Marching Bands Of Manhattan" - Death Cab For Cutie
If I could open my arms
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan,
I'd bring it to where you are
Making a lake of the East River and Hudson
If I could open my mouth
Wide enough for a marching band to march out
They would make your name sing
And bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings.
I wish we could open our eyes
To see in all directions at the same time
Oh what a beautiful view
If you were never aware of what was around you
And it is true what you saidThat I live like a hermit in my own head
But when the sun shines again
I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.
Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown
Your love is gonna drown [4x]
Your love is gonna...
Come Undone.
Was up at 6 am this morning.
That's a record time of waking up for this year y'know. Considering I'm having holidays till April. Wahaha... I know... I just had to say it, to rub salt on the wound of those who aren't having holidays. But I miss school as much as you peeps! (Distant voice: "Yeah, right,") So work hard for your Final Years and 'O's and JCs!
I guess I really have alot of free time to spare.
Hmmm... I've started doing art again recently. Sketching, drawing, sketching, drawing. It's all effort to pack up a combo portfolio. When you go to Poly/University, you'll probably need a portfolio - consisting of artworks, sketches, paintings, photos - things you've compiled over the years. No.1, they want to see how skillful you are. No.2, they want to see how consistent you are in art. So I'm fretting trying to make out a cool one.
So I'll be visiting Ms Chua's art room pretty regularly from now onwards. I got a hunch I'm being too fake in the art room. Cause Ms Chua always sees me as a person whose very critical on everything. She called me aside during the day of O Level results and muttered, "Eh Shan Yu, later when you get the art O level results, don't make fun of anyone okay?"
She's a pretty good teacher, and hearing that from her is appalling. And I realise whenever I step into the artroom, I just switch faces into this very sarcastic and critical person. Trying to poke fun in everything. I admit that I'm fake, masked and unsure of myself. It's just sad to see myself being disliked for that. You know? Have you ever been maligned? I feel maligned. Although I pretty much made everyone dislike me. But I can't stop this evil side of me from surfacing, overwhelming my own self. He won't give up until it's got the limelight and destroyed everything I've tried building. Then in the end, he would have won, and everyone would think I'm incapable of being friendly.
Just the thought makes me unwell.
What you see written on this blog, is about everything you get from me. The real SY. The one whose taken his mask off at the end of the day, and whose taking the trouble to type a few silly words to justify himself.
People say I inject too much sarcasm sometimes. And I guess I do, and for all the times I have, I apologise.
You know, Pastor Jennifer was talking about being real in a fake world just last week. And I guess that was the closest topic that's ever been touched on for me. When I went up there to the stand, to confess my bogus self, I didn't cry, I didn't even tear. Everything just felt normal. Absolutely ordinary. As if I've been numbed of all my emotions. I'm sure that meant God wanted to distant Himself, and let me try to stand victor to my own fakeness.
Well, if you've reached this sentence. I must thank you for taking the trouble to actually read all these gibberish. I just felt like releasing alot of verbal diarrhea - more like texted-based diarrhea - so yeap! You've been a good buddy to actually spend 10 minutes of your youth here. :]
From one person in a sea of people
L-U-G-E
I like luge. Do you like luge? I've been flipping through channels these few days, and I saw quite a fair bit of the Winter Olympics. Then I realise there's this sport on it called The Luge. It's something like a sleigh-ride, but you try to get olympic medals for it.
This is how a luge looks like.
I've been rotting at home for a week already. Nothing but eating, sleeping, going out to walk, eating, then sleeping again. I NEED TO EXERCISE. I feel like i'm depriving myself.
Poetry 101
I'm digging alot of poetry at this point. Poetry is awesome because there's some that's super simple, but because they rhyme, they create this nice, pleasant cycle to read them, over and over. Like how nursery rhymes trick children into addiction.
Then there are others that get you to think and think through the words. Like literature. There's a certain hidden meaning you try to decode. And when you come up with what you think is right, it gives you a certain sense of success. Yea? Agree? Hmmm... maybe that's abit too complex. Not like I was ever a great literature student or anything.
It's like early in the morning when its just cold enough to make you want someone to hold. And the light is just waking up or fading out and you can't tell if it’s the beginning or end of something beautiful. It makes me think of you. And I can't help thinking this is something beautiful and I think of you, I think of you. It's like early in the morning when it's just cold enough to make you want someone to hold. And you promise me a new day. Please promise me a new day. Today is going to be a brand new day. And it makes me feel like I’ve never seen a sunrise before. And you make me feel like I’ve never seen a sunrise before.
Cool huh? Well don't just sit there and pout your lips at me. Sit back, grab a snack and read it again. Slowly. Or you could try reading this:
I can tell by your come hither gaze that you want this more than anything, more than anything. Let's knock a few back just to loosen up, not a lot, but it's just enough for me to make my move. Is this not what you have wanted? You can have your way. I never was much on standing up, standing up for myself. Noisy, smooth, beautiful and not nearly as disappointing as I have always heard. Once is good, twice is better, but now I've had too much time to think and this sounds like a bad idea. I know right now you cannot understand and I apologize if you are offended. This is a breakdown in communications, but please understand what I don’t want this to become. This comes so easy for you, but things are not so simple for me. I might take this for granted, but is it really a necessity? I can't help but question your intentions, and I often wonder if you ever hear a word I say. Please hear me out, I must apologize for I am finding any excuse I can. Noisy, smooth, and beautiful, but it's much more disappointing than I have always heard. I can tell by your come hither gaze that you want this more than anything, more than anything. It’s good to know that people care, because I can't help but think of all the good advice that I'm about to forget. Noisy, smooth, and beautiful just like you, just like you. It's just like you.
I dunno man. I'm in a chill out mood right now. It feels like Lush 99.5 in my head. I find describing small things in great detail very thrilling. Like you're giving everything the real credit their worth it. Maybe every emotion you ever felt, for instance.
Anyway, I've looted this cool declaration-poem from Liane + Esther. Whose done me justice by putting it up! I wouldn't have been able to find it. It was something Pastor Jennifer put up for us during last week's service. More about that another time. But for now, THE POEM!
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I was lost"
That is why I chose this way.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
And need someone to be my guide.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And pray for strength to carry on.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And cannot ever pay the debt.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are all too visible,
But God believes I'm worth it.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
Which is why I speak His name.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.
when I say..." I am a Christian"
I am not claiming to be holier than you.
I am saying that by God's Good Grace
i've been redeemed
when I say..." Would you like to come church"
I am not patronising you.
I am saying would you like to share my joy, peace, laughter and the most loving Father with me?
A Missing Piece
When I was younger, I had this nice auntie as my neighbour.
She lived right above my apartment, and as a small kid she would always give me sweets, or wave and smile. Usually I saw her when I was leaving for primary school in the morning. I had to walk upstairs cause the lift was there. She'd be outside, holding her jossticks towards the sky, and worshipping some deity.
And whenever she saw me, she'll turn and smile. And stop for awhile, and ask me how's school, family, homework, and all the other things that are in relation with a primary school child. And of course being a child, I'd tell her everything.
She was the only other adult person other than my parents that I converse to everyday.
She had a husband, but we hardly talked - because I hardly saw him. I didn't know how they got their income, but I supposed their children gave them an allowance. Because I never saw the auntie step out of her house. Maybe the uncle worked, I don't know. I never thought of asking them that as a kid.
I remember once during Christmas, she gave me a box of car toys. It was amazing. I hadn't gotten anything more cool than a box of miniature cars. Anyway I was 10 then, so it was really awesome to get cars. CARS! I took it home, got a scolding, and the box was returned to the neighbour. Of course I did feel sad, but now, it's a different kind of sadness - it's more of regret. That I wasn't able to keep it in remembrance of her.
Why?
Because slowly when I grew up, I saw less and less of her. Maybe because I wasn't as intuitive to meet her every morning. And I would either be really early or really late for school. But when I do see her, we'd still talk about school. School's what all aunties would ask first right? It's sort of an ice breaker topic.
Anyway, when I reached sec 3 -4. I've never seen her again. I was puzzled, but I always thought she was somewhere at home, and it's just that I didn't have an opportunity to see her. 2 years past like that. But I still do regularly see the uncle. He's old now, he's needs a support as he walks. I realised that his right leg's kneecap is cocked and it arched towards his left leg. Sometimes I'd help him carry his stuff. He collected drink cans to sell, so my mum would pack all the drink cans we use up, and give it to him. And it was only once while I was at a coffeeshop at Bdemeer below my friend's house, did I realise he was working as a cleaner there. With his bad leg, and struggling to sweep and clean.
A few months back, one time during lunch, I asked my mom where the auntie went, and why I never saw her anymore.
My mum told me she had a stroke. And she was full body paralysed. Her children brought her back to stay with them, so to look after them. That shocked me of course. I wished I had thank the auntie for her Christmas present seven years ago, I wished I had spent more time to talk to her, you know, just to really befriend her.. and take time to be friends with her. Instead of staying as acquaintances.
Now, I guess the uncle lost his job. Cause I see him standing outside Potong Pasir NEL Station, begging for money. And he'd stand there for hours, with his bad leg, trying to get people to donate. My mum says he uses the money to eat and gamble, trying his luck at 4D, hoping he strikes rich before the end.
It's sad to see how a plesant life can breakdown, and humans can fall into a rut they can't climb out of. How we waste our life away when we think we're worthless. How situations can turn so drastic. How everything comes to an end.
How sometimes you take for granted the simple things.
To realise that when it's gone, it's like a jigsaw puzzle missing in a complete picture.
The Post "O" Level Results Survival Guide
Whoooooo I'm back! Yeah, I took a break off obligations and I'm feeling better than ever! Well I promised a post 'O' level results survival guide... so I'll write one before I continue ranting about life and stuff..
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A Post "O" Level Results Survival Guide (it's a long name I know)
by shan yu
1. Once you get your results, don't let yourself get engulfed with disappointment! If you're happy with it, good for you! If you don't like it, remember to always look on the brighter side!
2. You MUST MUST MUST think of where you wanna go before the results are out.
This applies especially to peeps who are enthustiastic about going polytechnic, cause you're basically choosing the path of your career life already.
3. Do not be afraid to make the wrong choice! If you do go poly don't be afraid to take the wrong course because ultimately, that's one more course you can add to your portfolio of experience.
4. JC/Poly? If you're caught in this, ask yourself are you more of a mugger or a project person? And are you also ready to choose your future career life? Which one God beckons you to?
5. Is JC Cert worth less than a poly diploma? Yes. Definitely. But that shouldn't be your biggest choice between a JC and Poly. It should be which environment you could thrive more in!
6. Finish deciding your courses on the result slip in two days! So you can give yourself allowance to make amendments.
7. Still can't decide? Try this. Barricade yourself for a few days/a week. Stop communicating with anyone who might influence your decision. And during this period, don't go out, don't fufill obligations, and ask God and yourself what you TRULY want!
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Hey this will come in handy for you sec 4s this year!
Lol
sy
Grass. Greener? Maybe
Leaving 10 years of St Andrew's is kinda sad.
But as always, we gotta move on. Everything's gonna change. No more uniforms, no more heavy school bags, no more school bells, classrooms, and homerooms.
It'll be a pretty big change.
Like someone once said at cell, we all look forward to change. But it's the insecurities of the environment, the new people and everything else that's new... that's the withdrawal. I'm sure poly would deviate quite abit from secondary school life.
Right now. I'm as clueless as anyone else... about the things that's facing us.
I'd definitely post a guide to post O Level survival soon! That's if I'm still mentally stable by the next time you hear from me!
The Dilemma Dissolves
The tormenting wait is finally OVER! After all these time kept in the dark, shrouded in mystery and of such, it feels pretty darn good to finally KNOW the results!
When I first held onto that piece of result slip, my head was going wild la. All these emotions started to drown my head. Feelings like anger, joy, sadness, laughter all mixed and merged together to eventually combine into this weird humourous feeling. I just suddenly felt like laughing. I DON'T KNOW WHY! I was laughing and giggling and snorting and chuckling.
You all must be thinking I'm going crazy... maybe I am a little monkey-bonkers.
I GOT 18 POINTS!
*hears distant "cheeeyyyyy, keep us in suspense so long..."
Okay, fine la, not very very very very excellent.
So yesterday I really didn't know where to go with my marks. I was already hoping before my results came out that the marks could CLEARLY tell me which to go - either JC or poly. But it came out AVERAGE. In between the two! So I was in a huge dilemma. I carried it all the way to Marina Square, where SH, Marco and I were suppose to celebrate. Celebrate what? I don't know... maybe my dilemma? Hahaha. Then we were eating Seoul garden and I laughed so much I kinda forgot all about it. We had alot alot alot of fun - partially because we played with our food. Oops, boys' secret revealed! haha...
So I got back home at about 11 at night, showered, laid on the bed and prayed. And I told God to give me a sign tomorrow to show me where to go tomorrow. And I fell asleep... thinking about The Dilemma.
So tomorrow came (which was - present tense - today) was SH's Yishun JC fun fair. Marco and I went. We intended to just look around, and make friendship bands or some other lame random thing and just scoot. But somehow we stayed, we mingled, we DANCED like mad pigs at their campus dancefloor stall. That was when I asked myself - do i really want this? All these secondary school-like uniforms, secondary school-like campus grounds. I don't really think so. From then I sorta got the line drawing.
After church, I knew where was I going.
Temasek Polytechnic - Visual Communication
It sparkled like a gem in a sea of thoughts! Clearer than anything else!
So before I jot what I want down on my option form, I'd like to tell Hanif and YK - who are also going there. "HELLO FELLOW CLASSMATES!"
Saturday Night Fever
Saturday was great!
We had this cluster meeting at this guy's place. He's called Zi Zheng. And he has the most amazing house, I'd rate it the best I've ever seen. It's definitely in the top 30 houses in Singapore or something. His house is situated at the top of this hill, so when you look out, all you see are fir trees and sometimes the houses of other roofs. It was like a snapshot out of Finland. It's Amazing!
Everyone there were fussing about food, about games and just being funny. I almost don't know anyone there, except Pauline and Esther. It was fantastic that Esther went... because I was freaked out when I realise I was the only one waiting for Pauline to go to the cluster meeting. I thought I was the only person going in cell! And Esther was relieved too. We were the only two people representing our cell! I kept reciting in my head, "I shouldn't have come, I shouldn't have come..." then I guess it was better when I actually reached there, and the people weren't unfriendly. So I relaxed.
Zi Zheng has these almighty stairs that reach up to his bungalow, and they were very Cinderella-ish. According to some peeps like Ho Wi (who I indefinitely gave an English name to, Kowen - cause I didn't catch his name properly). Elaine suggested Pauline to have her wedding here, I would think that's a pretty good idea! Then we can have a pool party and push everyone in the pool. Haha... I'm being stupid.
We played a really fun game. Which was pretty easy to figure out, loads of spoofs. Sam kept laughing and laughing at the retarded actions we were doing. Like when I was leader, I kept making everyone jiggle their hands, and it became very very Parkinson's. Hahaha...
Esther was so high about pool! haha... I passed it out cause I got sick of pool since class chalet. Then we had fantasitc home-made cakes. This girl... she's called Alina if I'm not wrong. She made the most fantastic cheese cake I've ever tasted. The cheese tasted like ice-cream. Alina is a professional... Wow.
Unfortunately, I had to leave early to go to Hanif's cousin's wedding. Took Elaine's car back to church, since it was easier for me to go back home to change from there. Elaine was going bonkers at the traffic jam... she's pretty fun loving. The ride took longer than I expected. 45 minutes or something. So I fell asleep. In a stranger's car. That was not very polite... let me smack myself for that.
So I finally got to go back home, change, and head for the wedding.
I think I got my information wrong, because I mistook the wedding to be at Fort Canning Park. So when Hanif came up to meet me and pointed it out to be at the neighbourhood CC at Serangoon, I was kinda stunned. Nevermind about that, I'm always that blurrrrr.... *sotong*.. Hanif did a dramatic hairstyle. It looked exactly like the one Austin had. But he was well dressed. I just came in untucked long sleeves and black waist-downs.
The wedding was rather untraditional. Instead of the bride wearing traditional malay costume and waiting for the groom to come, and she covering her face with a fan and all those big hoo-ha, The bride and groom came together in a car, in western wedding outfits. Haha... I pointed that out to Hanif. And said he knows.
He told me the history of all his cousins. And there was one who came over to flirt with us. Ahahaha... she's 16 but her hair's dyed, and she's wearing blue contacts. Wonder how the school allows that... anyway he pointed out the cousin that can see ghosts, and this other cousin, who was really sweet. She giggled like an innocent girl. Charming.. very very charming girl indeed.
Indeed! The groom was an African American who was even paler than me. He didn't look very african cause he's actually very white. But the bride and groom made a very good couple.
So, this is the second Malay wedding I went to. And as chinese custom, I gave a red packet and got this snazzy pen and fruitcake as wedding gifts. OH WAIT. THE FRUITCAKE. It's still unrefrigerated! I just remembered!
Ok, I gotta run.
Bye!
The Human Acceptance Problem
Wow. I didn't know Bedazzled could motivate me so much. Have you watched that movie? Well, it's about this guy who sells his soul to the devil for 7 wishes. And in the end, he realised that no matter what he did, he could never get what he wanted through magic, or by the click of some fingers. Everything's got to be earned by hard work. And life is seldom a hppy ending.
I'm sometimes like that. I wish I was smarter, I was more handsome, richer, less hot-tempered, more sociable, happier. I also wish someone could grant all those wishes. Don't we all hope sometimes, just sometimes, our lives take a turn and we become more fufilled? Then we don't have to keep lamenting about things we don't have, and stay completely happy. No more running after things. Actually all that we want, are just reflections on the acceptance we need from others. We need to stayy conformed! We need to be somebody to be popular! Yea, that's the whole issue about us homo sapien sapiens.
How many of you guys gave up some time just to look more handsome or prettier? Or be accepted into a new group of friends? Well, if you do, then you are just like me. Yay. Poor old us.
It's as if the world runs on people giving each other approval and acceptance!
More famous, richer, poorer, uglier, shorter, taller, nerdier, dumber, prettier, wierder, funnier, what does all these matter? They are all - theoretically - expectations we humans impose on one another. Even the words are man made! I don't think anyone of us would reach to a point in life that we crave for no more desires, become saintly, and start to feel nothing. Even Buddhist monks desire - they desire to reach to a state where they would no longer desire. We don't completely get fufilled. Ever.
The movie was trying to prove out a point: What we have now, is more important than what we want. What we have now, is part of us! I'm part of me, and you're part of you. The things that we wish to change in our lives - like our fashion sense, my big nose, your small eyes, her smart brains - are things that make us different from the start. Everyone can start wearing fashionable clothes. Then where's the fun in that? Can you imagine walking out of your house and the sea of people you meet are wearing the exact same things you're wearing? Or they have the exact same perfect face you have? Then won't we just be a horde of clones?
I really thought God was trying to tell me something through the movie. He wanted me to know I am me! And people are people! We all can never transform ourselves to become someone else without feeling miserably out of place. We are never going to reach the perfect outcome we all hope for.
It's all about compromise.
To end this off, here's something someone said to that guy in that movie, when he broke free from his contract:
"Actually, the conflicts that lie between God and satan? The end result doesn't depend on them. "Heaven" and "Hell" is right here on earth. Inside you. You pick which side to be on. Good or evil, it's your decision."
It's our decision!
Swam Swim Swum
Wooooo, I went swimming again today. As usual, doing 20 laps of freestyle. I tried going in with my contacts today, its pretty okay. It doesn't fall out of the water as long as my goggles are on. So that puts my fears at ease, I thought they would slip out and drown in the abyss of pool water. Nothing to fear now! I like contacts actually, they're convenient, and I don't have to bother so much with glasses. Always afraid I break them when I sport and stuff.
Accounting to swimming, I'm intending to do some daily training, but I can't go that extreme. I was reading Esther's blog, and I'm flabberghasted. Okay, I don't know her background that well, so I wasn't wary she was some professional swimmer! O_O. Who know's mark chay and some other national swimmers. WOW! Esther you're my idol! Okay, no la, God forbid idols.. lol. I'm just kidding. But I didn't know she was this professional in swimming, and she knows all these peeps that are national swimmers and stuff. It's amazing.
I read through some of her blog posts. Wow. Excruciating training schedule. No wonder sometimes Esther laments about swimming. Haha. Seems like it's even been taking a toll on her academic life too. But Don't Give Up Esther! I'm here rooting for yer!
Esther inspires me. Time to increase training hours.
:]
Island Sun-shutdown
The VIP Island, cool huh?
I couldn't sleep, look at the time. It's way past midnight. So I guess before I try to curb this temporary insomia with blogging!
Two days ago, Yi Qiang, Jeremy, Hanif and I went to sentosa. It was supposed to be another ex 2b outing (there's suddenly so much of those these days), but somehow, everyone was busy - busy with school, with ang pao collecting etc. And only the 4 of us stuck up. I was suprised that even though I said I would be quite late, I was the second earliest to arrive at the meeting place. From that, I'm pretty sure it's a guy-thing to be tardy, not a girl's.
Anyway, Jeremy was VERY late. By an hour. So we waited around for him by going around the Habourfront mall, and when he finally came, we all went................ you know the three lines down the face thing that they always do on anime? Yea, we felt like that. Because he was carrying his cranky skateboard again. A skateboard on the beach would be rather humourous. Hanif says Jeremy becoming from a nerd to a skater was like Dora Lee becoming a model. Hahaha, that was funny.
So we walked all the way there, tiring route. It's a whole lot of walking to the beach. And of course since we didn't know how to reach Siloso beach, we made big roundabouts into a nature trail and through the Dragon bones. I thought the beach would be less crowded during the CNY period. But it was clotted with loads of peeps. Especially westerners and asian construction workers. So we decided to camp out at a small island off the main beach.
By late afternoon, everyone else on the island cleared back to mainland, and the guards closed off the bridge leading to the island. But surprisingly, they didn't ask us to go back on siloso beach. So that island suddenly (magically) became Our VIP Island. We watched as the lifeguards blew angrily at anyone attempting to take the bridge to Our VIP Island. And we did very random stuff on the shores.
We made a failed sandcastle, that turned out to become some spiky monster head in the end. And I was buried in sand. Actually being all covered up in sand is comfortable. Just that my friends kept complaining that I was making the sand crack all over me when I started laughing too hard.
We were slacking so much on the island, it was paradise. Okay I know that sounds contradictory, but what I meant that the environment was really enclosed and relaxed. It was like a temporary haven... apart from the normal gatherings whereby we would pack the whole day up with things to do. I like the way we didn't have to plan things, and we just lazed around.
While changing, *in the open*, Hanif accidentally striked on a woodem stump with his leg and his toe was bleeding and bleeding. He was screaming and yelling and howling. And he took my green tea as disinfecting wash. Lol.
After a very very sad goodbye to Mr. Our VIP Island, we took the chairlift back up to sentosa's entrance. Well, the chairlift was actually something like a bench, but with a metal rail across it to keep you inside the bench, and it was dwindling on a wire. Hanif and Qiang were freaked at the heights and how un-enclosed we were in midair. I mean when you go high up in the sky you'd expect to be surrounded with walls or with loads of belts and fasteners and such. But it was so exposed, and with bare safety measures (a railing), it did freak us all out abit.
We sang josh groban, laughed and joked, and yelled like nutcases midair. And I was howling the morning bird noises so loudly, I was sure the people infront of us were hoping we fell or something. Lol.
And all this ended with a first-time meal at Subway.
It rocked.
Men Of Honour
Whew, I just had Band of Brothers DVD marathon.
The DVD was sort of borrowed from a cousin a year ago, and then I had to return it to her tomorrow night, so I'm rushing through all these discs. Blame myself for always procrastinating on actually watching them. I guess I won't be finishing the entire series by then. (6 DVDs, 2 episodes each, 1 episode 1 hr+) I know I can't.
Whatever the case. Band Of Brothers ROCKS. Just because it's a show about men of honour, justice, and loyalty. The guys in the show are always standing out for their friends, putting their lives out on the front, and grow to become even more rigid in the midst of battle. And that's difficult - to give out so much and have your life at stake. Imagine about 70 years ago, boys as young as 16 going out for war. I will freak out if I was one of them. But the responsibilities of a man, to his nation, his family, and to God is nothing less than giving 100%. It's all about the GLORY AND HONOUR! For God!
Okay. I'm being a little too chauvinistic here.
Crap, not finishing the series is torturous! I'll go see if the DVD set is affordable. If it is, I'm gonna lay my hands on a copy. It's too breathtaking to just let go of Band of Brothers just like that.
CNY has been pretty boring so far. My Dad hasn't brought us to go visit more relatives (except the ones we MUST visit) this year. He's busy with work... its CNY, everyone's suddenly taking airplanes back to their mother countries for their reunion dinners. So he's gotta work extra-time to dish out those food that you eat on airplanes. This is especially so since we had the heavy inflow of China-people.
I'll go back to sleep.
Quote from a random site:
"I think a lot of Christians get stuck in a cycle of sinning, repenting, trying to live right, falling into sin, repenting in guilt and so on. It's a nasty, horrible cycle that feeds on itself. While our churches often teach a bit of grace, too often we live by the law and not by the grace we proclaim. I know that even as I marveled at God's grace, I found myself trying to be victorious over my sin so that I could feel more "worthy" of His love. Slowly I'm learning that will never happen. "
Funny how we all humans are like that. Go figure the quote. If you would reply this post about your feelings it would be even better. :]
