The Orient Pearl
TURQUOISE GUITAR - $79
Or the black one. Hahaha, crazy that I choose a guitar by colour and not by how it sounds.
Luqman came up with this idea that malays in Singapore are like the african americans in .. well, America. Cause the blacks there are mostly delinquents, and have their own style and have this culture that's really different from the rest. Much like most of the teenage mats in our country. It seems to be true. But I have alot of respects for mats cause I think alot of them have some kind of musical background and they have this style which is kinda cool. (Don't say my polka dotted shoes are mat-oriented please. hahaha) I think they're like closest to the american white kids. And this culture exchange thing that their doing really spooks me sometimes. Haha.
Like our lecturer today. He said, "I look at you all and you all dress like Californian undergraduates. None of you came in with a sarong or a cheongsam or something," And that's true. Okay, not that the girls won't be a laughing stock if they wore something like that to school. But we've become really 'westernized'. And he says it's scary as batch by batch he had taught for 18 years, we're becoming more and more like the westerners. And I don't like that. Honestly speaking, I feel like I dress kinda like an American too, but I'm Singaporean.
And our lecturer said, "How can you stand out to be Singaporean? When you go for a job interview with another Malaysian designer, what makes you more cultural than him in the way you dress and speak and carry your ideals?
Looking at our society and the design people in it. We're becoming all banana-ish and we've forgotten we're basically - yellow, light brown and dark brown people. It might seem like no big deal cause Ohhh, the other designer wears all black cause it's cool. But at the end of the day, we are the people we're made to be. God made us unique and in different races for a reason. And dressing like someone 5000 miles on the other side of the world isn't exactly being proud about our own racial backgrounds and stuff.
It's more than that. It's whether we're admitting that we don't have a culture, or that we do. Why do we follow a lifestyle from a country that pales in comparison to the thousands we have in our continent? There's the big question that no one really knows haha.
So I think I'm gonna have more oriental inspired stuff and don't think chinesey people are people I can't communicate to. Fashion designers with the dream of creating real modern asian fashion should really be applauded.
Fighting With The Cable Car
To a friend
------------------
I think we have grown so far apart. I don't know who you are anymore. You were once the closest person I ever knew. And we laughed and joked and made merry like no tomorrow. It was great when it lasted. When we were close friends.
And now we don't call each other anymore, and we don't even talk on msn anymore. I know you have stuff happening in your life. And I'm always trying to make you say your problems but you don't want to. It's like there's this invisble barrier around yourself you've placed up to prevent yourself getting hurt. And I'm tired of trying to break it. I know life is tough and the problems are tougher. And that by confessing our problems out we might look weak. But who cares? Our strength is not in ourselves alone but in the One above.
I don't want us to just be friends who laugh and stuff. But we can talk about things closer to the heart. And just crack random jokes and say random phrases like how we used to. How we smsed each other in the middle of the day just to say random things happening at that moment.
Don't lose yourself in this rut. I've got your back, but only if you allow me to. I'm not giving up on you.
----------------------
God gave me something to do. And I will do it in due time. And for now I wanna make sure my relationships with everyone is okay.
Wah Cramps!
The doctor said it's excessive acid in the stomach.
It feels horrible.
The Reserve Energy Mode
I didn't sleep two nights ago. Was trying to finish my Fig Drawing project. And it was really crazy. At first I used a mechanical pencil to draw but then I realise it was kinda cheapskate so I used a 6B pencil for everything instead. This is the second all-nighter I had in my life. The first one was also because of VSC work. So you can imagine how stressful our course is ahahaha.
Thankfully there were worship songs and sermons to listen the whoel night. I felt good about that. :]
In the end it turned out okay. Our class had some really amazing ones though... like Hanif's one was so matt and shiny at the correct parts it was very good. And then wanqi's watercolour one was super accurate; her brush strokes were all at the right intensities and at the right places. Luqman... drew porn man ahaha. No further explanation.
The end of this blocks means DI ended too. DI was a real pain cause I could never come up with the correct layout. So I sorta just made a lousy National Geographic layout-style and handed it in.... Ferdi is a guy whose very hard to please. Anyway, here are some of the stuff we did during DI:
And the one everyone likes. I dunno why but it's probably cause our model-lookalike Hanif did a sexy pose. Haha
Haha full view em! Or I could just send you an original sized one (which is HUGE) on msn.
Pepper is forcing me to join Talentquest. Long story but I owe her a favour. But I'm still quite doubtful of it... it's gonna be like the old secondary school performances - very nerve wrecking. And besides, this time is against the whole polytechnic, not some 1000-odd people wearing uniform. No mean feat okayyy.
We're handing in the forms on monday. Aiiiiiiyeeeeee
And Timothy was telling me about the year 2 stuff. And I find school drama so interesting man. ahahaha. There's stuff I know now that I wouldn't imagine I would when I first started out poly life.
Magicians Galore
Haha Hanif, Sh and I went to watch Prestige a couple of days back. We were at Lido and Sh and I bought a shirt each from Springfield. So snazzy man; going around shopping... haha.
And it is SUCH AN AWESOME MOVIE. I think it's the best I've seen so far this year.. trust me, you gotta watch it.
Scarlett Johanson is my ultimate fav fav fav fav girl.. she's hot. Haha but no one beats my Rachel McAdams... wahahahaha. Anyway I shan't say too much about it. Just that it's funny they got Hugh Jackman to play an old English role cause his muscles are post-modern-gym-trained. They should've gotten someone more slender, but heck. His acting is top notch, and he almost landed himself as the next James Bond. So yeah, cheerios to that.
I think I might just go get that novel the book is based on. Hoho
Return
I'm not a person you would want to know. I have so many flaws, so many bad habits and bad bad bad character traits that not one person will understand. I've lost plenty of friends, close and distant, they come in and out of my life like seasons. No one actually stays. No one actually finds me right enough to try.
I don't blame anyone, for who I am. For the stubborn, hot-tempered, chauvinistic, impatient, and proud guy I am. I don't blame anyone, for my inability to make conversations, for my shyness to strangers, and over-confidence to people I know. These are parts of me I wish I could change. But alas, they don't. Over and over I've tried. I've tried pretending I was someone else. Someone else I know whose got a great personality I wish I have, but then I fail. Cause in the end, I'm still all those things above.
So now, I confess.
I confess that I'm not up to mark as a human being. And I say sorry for the ones I've hurt so far. Be it the ones who couldn't stand me, or the ones I've disappointed. I'm really really sorry.
And I'm sorry Dad, that I couldn't be that son you always wanted me to be. I'm sorry for always failing under Your expectations, and that I'm so useless. That I try to be someone bigger than I am but I can't. I'm so bound by my own flaws. I never worked hard for an assignment, I didn't try to balance polo with school, I didn't try making more friends when I could. I'm sorry for the times I neglected You cause I thought I could run my own life. I'm sorry for the times I let mundane things fill up my time with You.
And from now on. I will try. Give me some time, but I will try.
I will try to be that better guy. The one who used to listen to people's problems and just smile and rub their shoulders. The one who laughs at stupid things and sings all the time cause it's the only things he knows best.
I Will Not Give Up On You.
Mr Tarady spoke last night to me again. His hand outstretched, bent in the angles I least fond of, but I held it anyway. He led me pass the streets that used to jostle with abundent laughter and happiness, where love poured out over one another like torrential rains. Those were the days set naive. The pavement now was desolate. The only light came from a tiny streetlamp at the junction some 500 metres ahead. There was no one, not even a cat or a mouse.
"Look what you see here tonight," Mr Tarady lowered his eyes and looked at me. His face was crinkled and his skin creases around his eyes. This was how he looked when he smiled.
"Nothing," I replied honestly.
"This," He started, "used to be a marketplace so filled with women and children and men shouting over and over, you could hardly hear yourself. Are you sure you see nothing?"
He chuckled. And I gave him one tired, curious glance.
"What you see, is an empty street. Where the foundation has already been built. And right now, the people have left and deserted it. But what it remains still stands there.. it's still a road, still a place to stay, still sturdy ground for people to walk.."
"It's useless without anyone here. It's just a deserted ol' ghost town. People move for better places, for better living standards. Who wants to live in an old and worn street when there are big cities with their flashing neon lights and nightly masquerades? No one I know of."
He knows I'm stubborn and cynical. But he released our grasp and hugged me tight, and we stood there gazing at the empty road for the longest moment. He makes me feel stupid sometimes. Like as if a child in his wise presence, where everything I say sounds more of a humourous answer. But I don't want to give in.
"What do you think Mr Tarady?" I added on much later.
"I think.... I'm looking at an empty canvas. And I'm going to give it a chance. I'm buying it down." He let go of me and stepped into the empty parade square, "I'm going to try," and that was all he mumbled. He stayed silent for a very long time, as if pondering about something.
"Try to what?"
"To make this the most beautiful place in the world. To a place where people can forget their troubles and live happy lives. And the streets will be filled again with the children of those who left it in the first place. Flowers, balloons, and old men with their walking sticks, young women with their dainty umbrellas. It will be what it was again,"***
"I will not give up on you, even when you have given up on yourself,"
goodnight.
Toys For Locks
THINGS TO DO:
Saturday
9.45 am: transfer $$ to joanne
10 am: swim 30 laps free/2 hours
12 pm: Min. 30 ideas for DI
12 pm: come up with new ideas for Figure drawing
1 pm: take pictures
6 pm: church
Sunday
10 am: photoshop old woman + wedding dress (figure drawing)
11 am: finalize 30 ideas
12 am: Grandma's K stress stress stress stressssssssssssssssssss
Over and Over Evergreen Terrace.
My computer is really dirty. I think I'll just give it a good rub one of these days.
My mum just said something out that she shouldn't have said cause I feel a little disgusted right now. She was telling my brother that he was ...'made' .. on our trip to Hong Kong when I was really young and naive and when my brother still didn't exist. Which makes me ponder cause I was in the SAME HOTEL ROOM as they were in during that trip. Oh crap.. I shouldn't carry on thinking.
-
And these nights I feel like just going out to the fields and lying down and just stare at the haze-covered sky. And try to remember how everything came down to this. How a million different reactions-actions caused my existence. Anyone of those circumstances could've gone awfully wrong and I wouldn't be here -right here, right now typing. I know, I know - it's the ultimate question of What On Earth Am I Here For. And I've been over this time and time again. But it's really a question of faith, and how much do we believe in the intangible. If there wasn't for the human nature of looking deeper into the unknown and into the larger-than-life spectrums, we would all just lay back on our chairs and only believe in stuff scientists say.
I feel like just sitting by the river at 4 am and talk to somebody about our lives, our ambitions, our fears, and how we all came to this point of time. Just stuff we won't say to anyone in our ordinary day-lives. And we could skip stones by the water like how Marco and I use to do. And sing out loud songs that matter and don't matter.
Haha.. dreams.
Love is funny. A few weeks ago I thought love couldn't be love until you really know a person, and really care so much for the person you have the right to say "I love you" and you know you deserve the right to say it. But God showed me otherwise. Now I know something - love is vast and pure. It's a endless stream of energy that pulses in all of us, connects all of us, in one huge entwining web. Like neural pathways yea? When at the most basic of all emotions there is love, and yet at the most complex of it there's also love. Like how when two people are trapped under tumbling rubble, they hold hands, for support, and for love.
To Write Love On Her Arms
This is important. Watch it.
To Write Love On Her Arms
I make it a point that I listen. To listen alot. I don't wanna speak I wanna hear people and their troubles and the stuff their going through cause I know how it feels when nobody listens to you. It happens to me and I know..
And this movement have made me realise that, sometimes - there really aren't people that will care for you. They might all be your friends. But who is willing to sit down and listen to you? It's hard to come by. And many of us have learnt how to bottle things up to conform with others, act like we've got no problems so that people won't call us emo freaks.
It's funny cause I was in Ollie's car a long long time ago and he asked me a few questions, and then suddenly everything came out of me. Like verbal diarrhea. I just talked about my life and my school and the stuff I do - cause I know I can't do this with Chris or howai or someone else. So I went on and on, and he listened. And having someone else listening to you rant is an awesome feeling.
If you have someone to share your problems with, and they tell you back and you both care for one another. You're really, really lucky.
OK, the owl's flying.
Nichole Nordeman - Legacy
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights I want to leave a legacy I don't have to look too far or too long awhile Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best
At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
John Is A Real Boy
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Okay, this post is gonna be like those random-happennings-today post cause I'm pretty shagged.
I cannot stand watching people play and I can't do anything but just sit there and watch. And I have to do just that at least twice a week. Andrew and I made a truce that we'll master keys, bass, and elec guitar by 24. And honestly, I know I won't make it by then ...ahahahaha.
Jane and I were talking about anorexia on the train today and she said that she read somewhere an anorexic model was walking down the runway and when she went backstage she immediately collasped and died. She passed out after being on diet soda and lettuce for months. And I find it really crazy to just die for your job. You know? Unless you're doing some really sacrificial thing like dying while finding a cure for aids. And she's so poor thing man. She did the diet cause she was ordered to lose weight.
Wow. My threadless shirt is now S$33.
And I have this friend - let's call her x. And alot alot alot of people care for x and we're all really worried about her in class. I mean we're not really close to x - maybe we're all aquaintances. But I'm getting really concerned about her life. I read her friend's blog who wrote about x's change and I just hope she doesn't lose herself. I trust her to take care of her own life. So I don't say much. But I still hope she's doing fine and she doesn't lose and drown herself in the sea of social beings. So x, hang in there yea?
Haha Iven is going through some rough patches in promo results. But I know he can do it. So I'm praying for him. I haven't talked to him for the longest time so it was good hearing from him again.
okaaayyyyy I'm off.
People Named John are Cool! Hahahaha
Haha I'm so slow but I finally got last.fm running for me.
Anyway I want to give tribute for Half-Handed Cloud:
Half-handed Cloud is an interesting phenomenon. John Ringhofer, the man behind the namesake, is as joyful and frugal as his music. An economical thinker, Ringhofer prefers the subway over a taxicab, is a recycler of plastic, a compulsive note-taker, and a habitual optimist. He doodles in the margins of National Geographic magazines, carries several different colored pens, and continues to use an antiquated CD walkman. When not on tour solo or as the trombonist for Sufjan Stevens' Illinoisemakers, he lives rent-free in Berkeley California in exchange for his services as a custodian in a church. His music encapsulates his struggle to make sense of his life and his passions. In Half-handed Cloud this is expressed as an all-consuming search for God. Like Brother Danielson, Half-handed Cloud is able to ensconce complicated theological concepts into playground song without condescending to his subject or to his listener.
I tell you're on a gloomy day and you're feeling really sore and down, his music will DEFINITELY lift you up. It just makes me smile even when the day's been really screwed up. Oh and the songs are all God-based which I really really really like. Ahahaha. I can send you some if you're down and wanna feel a little chuckle :]
These few nights I feel like going on chat rooms like how we all used to and just talk random stuff with strangers. And meet some really amazing people online whose thoughts are on cool and interesting things - not those people who only wants sex in chatrooms. I used to have friends like that but we all lost touch.
It's sad cause you know how you used to know someone but when you all lose contact it's like as if you'll never find that person again. Especially online buddies/penpals. And recently I have urges to want to know how they are doing in life. People like weighl, bunza, darklord and BoT and everyone else who I used to talk nuts to when I was 12 and naive and they didn't mind. Haha.. And to those people I used to play free mmorpgs with. How's everyone doing? Where did everyone go? Sometimes I'm so curious I just pray for them. That their safe, and they aren't into bad stuff and everything. Yeah, I know that's really random but hey, I'm sure you have people you lost absolute contact with.
Ever wondered where and what and how they look like now?
Haha... I know it's funny cause we can't possibly remember everyone that were once part of our lives. Especially when you turn 80 and you reflect back on life. Everything's probably like a big blur already. Hahaha
Alright, I'm off to bed.
Random Talks With The Queen
I was flipping through style the other day, and got inspired by some of the men looks by D&G, so I took out some of my clothes and were trying them on to look like it. It was a pretty complex piece - it's a 3 piece overall - starting with a long sleeve collar, then a shirt, then a blazer. So I did that in the guest room infront of the mirror and my mum walked in.
"Wah, why you wear until so nice," (That totally meant I succeeded in my look wahaha)
So I came up with a lame excuse.
"Oh, cause there's a wedding in January (which is true) and I'm trying on my look for that day,"
"... Scully everyone thinks you come from a rich family and come rob us,"
Ok, that was pretty linkless but she actually said that so I kept all my stuff and went to church. Hahahaha..
And I finally watched the DVD that came with the United We Stand album. I think Marty Sampson is a legend. Wow I just realised he's 10 years older than me - random exclusive information then you will only get when you know my age. AHAHA. K I'm such a dork.
Vitagen and Yakult Wars
I'm soooo soo happy someone uploaded Valencia for me. It's such a great album by them and I'm just so happy I can jump over the moon. Hahahahaha I'm nuts.
Today I realise that the chicken bolognese at Jupiter's cafe is just the same as meatball pasta WITHOUT the meatballs and it costs like only 30 cents less. I feel so cheated man... But I'm thankful that I got enough money to even eat. I finished my DI work, and handed it in. Even though I thought mine was pretty good, I dig alot of other people's work cause they were better than mine. Like Shirley's poster. It looks exactly like a movie poster.
I know I did my best. But I think that poster sort of gave me a level I should be working at. I don't want to slack and give up on my work like what I did in Val's class two months back.
It's the thing about aiming to be first. Some people just have the talent - like Shirley. She's super hardworking and she's practised alot and she's humbled herself to her abilities and that's exactly how I want to be. Someone whose always trying to improve. And I know I'm the kind of person who always switches role models, but Shirley is one that's pretty basic : work hard to succeed.
I'm shagged. I slept in the train and again outside the worship min room for ages and apparently Cheryl said I was at it like a log (heyyy, watch the birthday vid a few blogposts back and you'll know) until I suddenly jerked awake.
I should sleep.
And to those whose been down about stuff and told me about it, I just want to say - let loose of things for awhile. "Take a step back and look at your drawing! The you'll know what's wrong with it," - Richard always tells us this. And I want to tell this back to you; take a step back, and lay low for abit... then things will turn out clearer.
And of course, enjoy the simple things in life :D :
HE is Mighty To Save
Two days - 3 hours of sleep, two plates of dinner, multiple cans of milo and coffee - makes John a grumpy old man.
I don't know what's wrong with my stomach but I've not been getting hunger pangs these past two days even after I miss breakfast and lunch. The DI movie poster has got me on the edge of my seat.. and I'm trying my best to make it look presentable. It's intense photoshopping sia, and it stresses me out. Even Ferdy says it doesn't have to be that complicated.. Lol
It's been a really huff and puff week. Suddenly the stresses are piling on top of each other again, and then there's no time to sit down and chill and relax. I've not caught up with the people having birthdays, or sat down and chatted with friends. Work work work! There's no more play time. And I commited these ongoing projects to God. So it's kinda pushing to do my best, which kinda explains the stress. But I'm fine with it. Hahaha.
Last night we went to Pepper's house to take all our DI pics. And Clarence had to pose as a mighty man for her, which I thought was pretty hilarious cause the vest he was wearing is *ironically* a woman's - Pepper's mum's. And Dilys was a ghost and I was a clown that was painted all silver. And we did stupid things like have wedding shots of the clown and the ghost, and Vivien with paintbrushes shoved into her wig, and Clarence with LOREAL MAKE UP and gay hair. hahahaha It was Amaaazing.
High-end picture from Pepper's D-S-L-R. Haha, more coming up.
And silver body paint is not the best feeling in the world.
From Desktops to Laptops
Alina reminds me of Simone. Alot. Haha. She blinks and chuckles and smiles just like her.
And cell was okay. We had another round of ICST and Elaine was really hyped up for it cause it was her first. It feels good when you have some people you can tell stuff to - be it if their really very close to you, or they are just mutual friends - and let others pray for you. It's our obligation, to look after one another. If you think about it, love lies on top of alot of obligations. At the end of the day, we patch up, we mend severed ties, we pray for one another (even though we might not be best friends) because we are obligated to the person.
Anyway obligation is a big word. It's the reason why we try the very best to succeed in life.
I just want to say that when Lisa asked me what instruments I play (she was the third person this week) again, I found it quite surprising that I don't really know any.
Heyyy aren't I the guy whose conforming to the singaporean level of - design? Whereby you're suppose to be good in photography, own an ipod, a dslr, and a macbook. And at least know how to play one instrument for crying out loud (and not something like gu zhen or qi pa, cause those are CHINESE instruments ...which are fundamentally non-existent in singaporean design students). We're probably all bananas, and have had at least been to a gig, had/have a band, have tried skateboarding, and know music from interpol, or norma jean or rainer maria.
This is what life looks like for me right now.
And it has to stop. I don't want to become just another punk/indie designer/artist. I don't want to be comfortable by just being all that I wrote above. I expect more out of myself, and I expect more out of the people living this life now. We all deserve more.
I was just listening to one of the online sermons just now. And the pastor said this that struck me - What are we in ministry for? Do we want to be in worship ministry cause we want to be able to play our specialised instrument? We want to be cool and do cool things? Or we're seeing the picture bigger than that; we're doing this not for our own benefit, but for the congregation. So that they can firmly grasp that short 30 minutes of worship, and help them connect fully with God. And we're doing this for God, and we want to glorify His name.
Okay. I need to sleep. And my mac is surprisingly cooler tonight.
Too Much Information
Hahaha the get in shape one gets me everytime.
Please Don't Look Back
I was reading someone's blog and she wrote she's changed alot in 4 months. And I looked back on myself, and I realise I have changed alot in this past year too. I'm asking alot more out of relationships, I'm letting go on alot of stupid habits I use to have, I'm thinking about the future now - that's something I usually wouldn't bother. And this all freaks me out. Have you ever realise you've changed alot only after you stop and look back? Yeah, that's happening to me now and I don't like it.
My parents told me we're going HK at the end of this year. And I was thrilled, and I made up this plan in my mind of what to get there. And suddenly now they changed their plans - we're going to Japan now cause my brother wants to. And I told them I'd rather not go. Japan doesn't excite me in any way, and since I won't enjoy my vacation there, it's better they save on an extra ticket. I think it sounds really juvenile, but it's true. I won't want to waste my Dad's cash if I won't like the experience. It's already hard up that I'm spending tonnes on school. :/
You know I could blame them for a 10000 over things that they've done wrong with me. But who has perfect parents? When I was younger, I remember my Dad caned me something I didn't do and he forced me to admit it. And when I did 'confess', he caned me anyway. That experience never left my mind. And I wonder why. I guess that's where the big psychological theory about 'specific experiences can scar someone for life' comes true. So when I become someone's Dad I want to make sure I never malign my kids.
The haze tonight is really bad. Just now while we were out celebrating Fabian's birthday, Edwin told us the haze was at Hazardous Level and we seriously couldn't see anything beyond a couple of miles. And that lan shop we went too had such a strong cigarette smoke inside it's probably as bad as the haze.
It's QT.
3.5 3.5
3.5 3.5 3.5 3.5 3.5 3.5
This is the new gpa Pepper and I are aiming for every sem.
3.5
And I guess it should be about everyone's goal. Haha. Get at least 3.5 and get a cgpa of 3.5 to graduate with flying colours. Whooooooooooooo
And Half-Hand Cloud makes me smile alot.. the songs are kiddishly simple and short.
Step One
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
If I'm really left with nothing, really nothing. I will just stand here. And even though I look detestable, don't really speak amazing English, have a crude personality, and practically not-really-that-charming-of-a-person, but I will stand here.
And when you go down. I will try to save your life.
Yeap, you.
9.46 AM
CRAP I WOKE UP LATE AND MISSED DIGITAL IMAGING.
Ok Gm, I'm not going to stay up late with you to do SAS' Next Top Teacher Model next time (actually I don't mind cause it's kinda hilarious), and no more Grey's Anatomy after 12. NO MORE.
I cannot start oversleeping again. It's gonna be bad for my grades.
And sprouts, I need to eat more sprouts.
Rotary Sultan
I see our fate, I see our past
And all the things that could not last
It's heavy on these eyes, frozen as I hold this photograph
It's all we're left that's of any worth
And it's so much more than a thousand words
Now in this frame is our only way we can endure
I pictured you and me always
And in this photograph we're safe
I love God so much.
I know, it's random, and sudden and everything... but I love Him so, so much. I just sometimes sit there by myself and wonder, how can few litres of red liquid, some squishy matter, make up a human being? How did we even get our souls, our intuition, our reflexes, our emotions? How can we - of the 100000000000000000 ways we could have not survived on this planet - eat and remain alive? There are so many inanimate things around, but we can move. There are so many animals around us, but we can think. There are so many ways we could've killed ourselves, but we lived.
You just cannot be an atheist. When you think about it. So many ways we could've been wrong, but we turned out perfectly homo-homosapienic alright.
And even when I sin over and over again. I pray to him, and he takes away everything. Every single crap I feel about myself, He takes them all away. He forgives me again and again and again, and I'm so ashamed sometimes and He just smiles and says, "Don't be,". He tells me things when I ask Him what to do. He doesn't even have to speak you know! His replies are just *snap* no words needed. And He makes me want to be a better person, not just be a better person to earn a place in Heaven.. you know? Like out of real love, you wanna do it.
He made me feel so alive. And last week, those few minutes when I fused with Him - it's amazing. It's mind blowing. It's spectacular. It's...it's forever in my memory.
I just, cannot get over God. I want to just continue saying how much He's made me become. I know some people might think we all are some church maniacs and we're like CHC-ish peeps. It isn't like that. It's connection with the Big One above. That's just all. And when that connection is there, these thing won't matter. How people see you won't matter. And it's sure giving up a hell lot of stuff to be close to Him. But at the end of the day, it's worth it.