Wollobo Day 1: Eligible Bachelors
Seriously, some guys have everything. The looks, the intellect, the academic brains and the cerebral talk that will make any girl go ga-ga.
Yes yes, I'm obviously jealous.
Jing Ting was letting me read Cleo (this girly magazine that has FIONA XIE in it waha) and there were the top 50 bachelors thing. That's where all this trash talk to coming from.
Okay, anyways, for the sake of my Creative Writing class, I'm beginning to practice and put into action some form of writing everyday, in hopes of attaining my vocabulary peak, and of course to brush up my less than adequate grammar. SO, I'm going to try my best to blog everyday. Yes, try. Hmm... let's call these next few weeks onwards Wollobo Days. Well "Wollobo" has no specific meaning, it just sounds cool with the many 'O's. Hahahaha such random crazy stuff..
If I was an eligible bachelor, I would have to change tons of things. And possibly not look anything like myself right now to attain that sort of social acme. Hanif can verify that very clearly. He reminds me constantly "Shan Yu, you're not good-looking enough," :] I don't harbour any resentment to him when he says that. I know my own physical limitations, and honestly, I'm very glad I'm not good-looking. Hanif is good-looking, and that's one fact I cannot disprove.
So yea, once in awhile, when I place myself on the seat of juxtaposition with guys who have it all, I do feel that sense of self-inferiority. But most of the time, I really don't care how people think about me. Maybe a few weeks ago I would be fretting about what to say and what to wear and what to do to get people to have good impressions about me, but now I've grown to accept myself. Change is imminent, but change cannot be deliberately made. You know? I could say your cup of milo will turn cold eventually, but you wouldn't add ice just to prove my point right? Because that's just stupid and everything. Yea.
And when I went home today from school, with my checked umbrella jerking consistently by the heavy landing raindrops, something Ryan told me a few years back suddenly popped into my mind.
It's not about getting what you want, it's about wanting what you've got.
And there it is, possibly one of the most amazing sentences ever thought of.
So eligible bachelor or not, handsome or ugly, fit or fat, it doesn't mean we have to conform. Because God made us all so different and so unique. Because the world is an imperfect place, with stereotypes and judgemental viewpoints and people who have bottomless repositories of needs and wants. Because you are you, and I am me.
Because He is super super amazing. =D
Stakehouse
Two nights ago pipsqueak Ernest, Gm, Shan Hui and myself went to eat at Steakhouse. We saw the opaque sign and water-glass walls while cruising for a place to eat at cine, and mostly everyone wanted to try something new for a change. It was until the waitress led us to our seats did we realise that it was expensive.
A steak cost like SGD $19.90 ONWARDS.
That's not taking service charge and GST into contemplation, let me add.
Okay, maybe to some this amount is measly for a good high-end meal. Which I agree, but the thing was all four of us were born and bred progenies of Singaporean aunties and uncles who still believed in tradtional road-side foodstalls and mending clothes instead of buying new ones.
My point is that we were just basically not really people from the top class of social hierarchy.
So yes, $19.90 for a meal is exorbitantly overpriced.
In the end we decided to stay out of moral obligation to the waitress and ordered. The food reminds me of the ones my Dad cooks for passengers on SIA. They had your main meat-produce, and then tons of steamed vegetables. Even one full size potato. The meal was definitely healthy la.. hahaha.. it was a parisian enough to be that.
Then Gar Meng kidnapped pipsqueak's wallet, and that dude grabbed so hard for it he toppled over the table we were on, and my latte along with it. Which resulted to a less than uncanny scene of the brown, caffeinated substance to splatter all over my pants. Thanks man... went to wash it off. Luckily the waitress (that I thought was a waiter) came, cleaned it up and exchanged the drink for me. Good service. Thumbs up. Haha..
I've yet to develop the holga rolls.
Gotta do that by today.
Oh yea, school's been okay. We're now learning creative writing and evaluating characters in short stories, unravelling plots and so on. It could get quite boring, but I think our lecturer is okay. Soo Lian's her name, and she's always disorientated and always scrambling to find our notes. But she's got an intelligent sense of humour, haha, and that's always an appealing factor. In fact, I like all my lecturers alot (even Nancy and Valentino), because they've attain that state of academic nirvana that distinguishes them as educators instead of designers.
I'm not saying that their better than designers per se, but they have this extra tinge of humanitarian spirit to want to pass down what they've learnt to others, which breaks the stereotype of designers as being elitist oddballs. If there ever was one to start with.
Hahah... :]
I should REALLY be starting on those journal entries.
Everlasting Neverendings
The truths we hide inside our very souls, are the ones that in turn make us who we are.
This week, I've finally learnt to accept myself. I accept the person Dad made me to be.
It will be a tough road ahead, and probably a lonesome one too, because I know most people will never understand me or why I'm who I am. But I have God, and that's all I'll ever want or need. I guess I'm not that funny, sociable guy written in presumption. And right now, I seal myself from the people around who're trying to come in. Because I don't want them to try, only to find what's inside is more than they can take.
But this doesn't mean I'll shut myself out from everyone. Just that maybe right now, I'll come out as myself, and not live a life like a mirage of the person inside.
It starts with broken hearts, and broken dreams, and with the dawn of each passing day, God breathes in something bigger than what I expect. Life, is just a testimony of events, accumulated and shaped to mould us into the different children of God. Because from brokenness comes beauty, comes restoration, comes His embrace. And to live a life for Him is to accept what He gives, not reject it. How far can we run and hide from Dad's omnipresence?
325600 minutes, how do you measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
Well, how about love?
:]
A Lifetime's Disappointment.
Dad and Mum. I'm old enough. You've hurt me enough with your blunt words, your judgemental accusations, your silence. Even as I'm crying now, you both just pretend nothing's wrong.
What makes you think I will grow up to be a spendrift? A brand junkie who only cares about the high life and forget about giving back to the society? What makes you think I'm a slacker? Someone who just coops myself at home and laze around; not washing dishes, not hanging clothes, not doing housework? What makes you think my life is easy and happy and filled with all the contented things in life? What makes you think I'm still that kid you all can spout bad things about behind his back?
If you've thought that, then I'm so sorry to say that that's definitely not who I am. At least not who I am anymore.
All I want, is to have your support. That's all I want.
Even if you one day cannot pay for the things I want and need.
As long as you show me you loved me, those things would never matter.
Dad, you scolded me today for the things I buy. The way I only go for brands. The way I spend so much. But I don't really buy alot of branded things, I don't shop much. I don't go shopping everyday and come back with bags of things I would never wear. I can't help it if my course demands resources. Resources that need money. I'm sorry that my laptop needs a better case, I'm sorry photo paper costs me 60 bucks at one go. But these are things I can't help.
And you never ever tell me what you disapprove about me to me. All you do is gossip behind my back to my mum. How does that change things? I'm mature enough to take your criticism. But then again, you never talk to me. The only times we communicate is when you find fault in me. No praises, no support, no thumbs up. We can be in the same house and not talk for days. And when I try to say something to you you give me silence back.
You never ask about my life, so how can you judge me to say I'm lazy and idle? Do you know how much craziness I've been through these few months to get to this point? You know how many projects I had to rush? How many responsibilities I have to carry? How many times I tried looking for a job before you accused me today of not getting one on purpose? You don't. Because you never asked why I cry myself to sleep, because you never asked how I was when I come back with a worn and sad face. Just fault-finding conversations. Just fault-finding conversations.
All you do is silently walk away. And I've been trying so hard to erase what I thought a father should be. I've been trying so hard to forgive you for the times you caned me and scold me for things I did not do when I was a child. I've been trying so hard to take away this void you left me, that grew bigger and bigger with each passing year.
It's like you were never there for the last 14 years of my life.
But it doesn't matter to you, does it?
Because to you, I'm always the son whose never home. Whose always selfish and unkind and unfriendly. I'm the one to blame when things at home are spoilt. I'm the one to scold when I'm out doing my work until late at night. I'm the one whose having work-filled sleepless nights, and get disapproving glances in the morning. I'm not like Shan Kuan. The younger son of yours who you doted from young, who you hardly cane, who is happier and more extrovertial than I am.
I'm so so tired of feeling like I don't belong anywhere. Not even in this place I call 'home'. For what is home? When all we do is exchange silences and arguments?
All I truly truly want, is your support. Your reassurance, your 'it's going to be okay,'s. That's all I want. Because no other person in this world gives me that. And it's so hard to go out there into the harsh world, and come back to find another. I feel so isolated sometimes, but you wouldn't care. Because you think by paying for my needs is good enough.
God, if you could just show me Your love right now. Because I'm so tired, so tired of feeling neglected and rejected and not belonged. I'm so tired of the accusations they place on me. God please take away these neverending tears right now, because I want to be in Your love. And only Yours.
Let all these pain and hurt fade as the years go by. For I pray for a better future, for a better bond between them and me, and I cling on the hope that you will restore things in this family. I pray for Your hand to be on all of us. To take away the accusing eyes and the yelling and the bad tempers. Even my bad temper.
For everything is made perfect in Your love.
And I trust only You right now.
Moving Images
Inspiration hunting always leads me to interesting stuff, haha.
Here is a set of new adverts launched by Sony Bravia in celebration of sponsering Sky's (the internationally acclaimed cable company other than TiVo) new box office. These short teasers of the new Bravia are actually incredible masterpieces by themselves.
What defines beauty is what we set for ourselves. This next video is an abstract representative of our mindless pursuit of exterior physical attraction, and the lust for it. Of course you could just say it's a robot trying to look human. But for a robot to want to do that means it evokes human desires, and that's what most of us are. Men and women trying to attain half-fufilled goals to perfection.
This is done by 8 students from Swinburne University in Australia. Funny thing is the university majors in Technology (engineering and all that) so it's amazing where talents can be. If you're VSC and thinking about a place, the course of a Bachelor in Arts (Media and Communication) in Swinburn is A$15,250 annually. So haha, let's all chiong to UNSW Asia instead.
Hahahaha, THIS IS a very simple and very funny way of explaining Global Warming.
On The Axis Of Time
Lying On A Pedestral Of Human Hands
Everyone needs a core group of friends. No matter how bad and how not belonged you feel outside, you will always know there is this bunch of people you can count on, that got your back, no matter how tough it becomes. When Jon said that yesterday, over cups of coffee with Dan, Jem and I, it got me thinking.
The orange lights, the satin curtains, the large forest-green comfy chairs. Over the house comes the sounds of soothing voices and soft guitar strummings. It's a lazy afternoon as we sit there, talking about everything under the sun. We watch the people walking pass, see the man-made waterfall spew it's contents over the inclined stone wall.
We joked about how crazy we were about online games when we were younger, what we wanna become when we grow up. Doctors, dentists, designers, and so many more words thrown into the pot that seem so distant, yet when we're down the road 20 years later, looking back, we'll realise how it all came within a wink. Jon wanted to set up a restaurant, and we'll collaborate on it. Work, funds, capital, organizing, planning. We want to go places; vietnam, australia, and explore the world before it hits us back with reality. Tons and tons of plans, ambitions, goals.. but when it comes down to it, who knows? Years will pass in a flash, and I hope we really do something eventful when we can have a chance at it.
Even though I don't feel belonged in church, in school, but there's always them. And that's just good enough. :]
The Script Of The Steamboat Drama
DONGDONGDONG CHIANG!
Jing Ting says that song is the primeval beginnings of beat-boxing. Hahahaha... which can be quite true...
When I say VSC is almost ALL GIRLS. I mean it. You'll understand why later..
Today we celebrated Alia's birthday and Faith bought her like 5 cup cakes, to make her birthday cake... hahahahaha and they came multicoloured. And we were talking about ghosts and our spiritual attacks and dreams and stuff, and Angelina (the girl who wears her thick red hoody in the bright afternoon sun) had this morbid sense of humour that somehow made all the stuff we said that were scary sound funny.
See? It's all girls man..
From Left: Clara, an unknown weirdo, Faith, Angelina, Dilys, Alia, Kelle
Hahahaha don't this photo just look so Poly Advertising-friendly? HAHA, TP don't have to find a theme next year. Use our photos can oready.,,
Alright. Within a few minutes it would officially be Chinese New Year EVE. Which makes me wonder why people designate the day before the actual festival with the word 'eve' at the back. Does it have adam-and-eve connotations? Or more of a homage to women? Whatever the case it's something to think about when you start to have too much free time.. haha..
So tomorrow is the day I finally get to eat abalone. Bwahahahahaha... so excited man.. And then we'll have the ngoh hiang, the fresh prawns, lettuce, dumplings, sea cucumber.... just to name a few protagonists of the steamboat. Can smell it in the air already! Haha everyone has different reunion dinners. Like most people have Longevity noodles to eat around CNY dinnertime, but my family doesn't.
Wonder how a reunion dinner would look like if it was celebrated by another race? hmmm... maybe if it was Malay we would have ketupats and nasi briyani instead of roast pork. And if it was Indian then tosai instead of scallops. Haha sorry yeah I'm really just spewing rubbish aren't I..
It's a festive mood, but the year hasn't been gearing up for the excitement somehow. We need the spirit of things to really move on this year. To really charge things up, and I guess it's just a period of time for a break, and let our minds ease out for awhile...
I'll be posting up more pictures soon..haha. And ohoh...that Relient K review.
Annnnnd of course to end off......
Have a good Chinese New Year! :]
Hope
Thank you mich for your awesome song. :]
Hanif is just as random as I am. haha, we always spew up the all-serious-about-life talk sometimes, this was just one of them.
Actually it's kinda true how we all want to be unique and special in our own ways. It's like a silent rebellion towards conformity, but along the way of striving for it, we don't realise that we're actually all but the same. I find this fact really interesting. Conforming to non-conformity. Haha okay yes I know I'm beginning to sound like some retro-political humanist. But I don't know why these kind of things interest me so much.
Today I finally picked up the book Auntie Konica bought for me for christmas. It's called Jerusalem Countdown, and basically it's a christian book about the possibility of world abomination through events happening in Iran and Israel. It's a huge teeth-sinking chunk of politics for me. I don't read much newspapers and that can be good or bad, but yeah, this was an eye-opener.
Honestly, I don't like to submerge myself in speculations of the end-times, and doomsday, and rapture. I know it's important, but I feel like living a worthy life is so much more concrete than always trying to decode when the world will end. Even as we approach the end, it just goes to show how much more important it is to spread His message to other people. And if the book is to substantiate that, it has done it's point fairly well.
Well the author writes that Israel would probably bomb Iran's nuclear sites by late 2006. It hasn't happen has it? Haha I seriously don't know because I'm not big on news... but as far as my memory is concerned this would have made headline news and I would've heard about it. So I presume it probably hasn't happen.
Alot of things hasn't happened concerning resolutions.
America hasn't made it's stand on the nuclear disorientations in the Middle East.
People are still out there waiting for an answer to drought and famine.
"Heroes" is still having on-going episodes.
Some of us are still waiting for better days ahead in our lives.
I've not eaten breakfast.
Life is all about hope.
We rely on the hope of better days and brighter tomorrows in times of oppression. We lean on His strength and His everlasting love when we find none of that in ourselves. Or at least I do. I know right now, there are alot of things that seem bleak, but it is within our test of faith that things grow stronger. that we grow stronger.
James 1:2-4
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
The testing of your faith develops perseverance.
It's the one phrase that has kept me going these past few months.
Okay, before anything else I'd like to honestly say I have no idea what is happening.
I have absolutely no idea what's been going on through alot of things. And of course, sometimes I won't understand things that are going on.
But everything has it's own time, and I'm always willing to stand it out - as long as it takes - to finally see the bigger picture. And even when I don't, Dad does.
I hope that's not all vague and enigmatical..
And with that, I give you the sincerest of myself, that I wish for the better in the times to come.
Windows..... Blinds, Curtains, Doors
Windows Vista is so so so so screwed. Hahaha, as in it hasn't died on me or anything, but sometimes it lags so badly. I now have no photoshop installed. Erghh..
The other night it was logging off for more than 3 hours, stuck on the logging off screen, and I had to switch off the plug to get the inexorable computer to finally cease it's adamancy. And the new OS runs none of my games (hooray to that actually), it doesn't even run itunes (because of some .dll error), and the only thing my desktop now is worth for is to store my music and videos.
So here, a tech-nut's guide to windows vista.
1. You should get it if you aren't expecting much gaming experience
2. You can get it if you want something that looks like Mac's Tiger OS X but you seriously can't afford an apple.
3. You probably might like to know that that means you'll get pirated looking widgets that are called gadgets.
4. And of course, the gadgets - and alot of other things - lag (but this is processor-subjective so...)
5. They have a built in anti-virus software (haha... microsoft is trying really hard)
6. New, simple net sychronization (means it connects to the internet as easily as the AirPort now)
7. Search engines that are much more 'cleverer' (they no longer wait for you to click 'search' before it begins churning to speed)
Right now, vista looks like a bimbo.
Beautiful, but not-so-capable.
But of course, if you're running it on a pentium 4 like what I am doing, I don't think it can do it any good. It's like giving a bimbo a small brain to start with, so I can't blame it if anyone bangs into some walls. haha...
It's relatively obvious that windows is trying to catch up with apple. (with all the floating windows, the shiny icons etc.) And I must admit they have done a good job with that. Unlike Windows XP, vista looks way more sleek and professional. Compared based on aesthetic qualities, windows vista has indeed elevated itself into a new paradigm of personal computing.
But I'm not saying all this doesn't come with a price. It means getting better processors and ram and all the other computer-related-names-that-I-don't-know-of. Lol.. yea..
And the worst thing about Vista is....
Hahahahaha... super anti-climax right. yes I know, I know, so to appease everyone, let's all watch Captain Planet! My favourite cartoon of all time :] hahaha super old school, and I think the Fire dude is the coooolest planeteer man..
One Liners Are Finally Used On This Blog.
I hope things turn out well.
SY wrote at 10:12 amWe Begin
Behold because the supernatural battle is coming and has already begun. And within our own lives, we have to root ourselves to His heart and His character, because we cannot build our houses on just sand, for the wind and the storms will surely come and destroy us. It is through his conviction in us, and our unique and specific roles that we have in His family, that we become a piece of a multi-million fragmented jigsaw puzzle. Hear as the battle cry begin to roar, hear the drumming of our hearts as our generation raise our swords towards the demons of this age, and we shall fight an almighty battle, and bring forth our God's love. Bigger, and brighter, and more lustrous than anything else that there is to offer.
SY wrote at 8:26 pmOf Happier Times
I promise you I will be back with happier posts.
I'm leaving the shattered pieces in lj for awhile.
Just give me some time to heal.