A Little Less To Ascend
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A silence that slithers in the air as we try to make things mend.
The blind coming in the dependance of trust, and leaning on the genuineness of the human spirit.
The adolescent wavering on the thin thread of commitment and decadence.
Then comes the hush whispers of the train rushing through the dark, as we skid pass in flagrant speeds, over the people that we could've taken a second look, at the events that we could've changed.
This, is what we call our 'world'.
But yet.
Will be away for the next few days, fuel camp and stuff. Whoooo! And I'll have to explain to chee yong when I get back about my absence for darkroom. Kinda worried for that. The days have been long and slow, and very very painful. But I'm learning, I wish I am, I hope I am. Ups and downs happen, inevitably. If you're going to camp and you're reading this (or anyone else who know ppl going for this camp) please please please please do PRAY for a life-changing impact on every single one of the youths yea? Very very burdened to see everyone coming grow, even myself. Let's pray for God's revelation in every single life, and just a great time of praise and worship to Him. :]
You will see me back here soon.
Till then.
SPPPPAAAAAAARRTAAANS!
Creative Writing is over. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!! My final story's called 'Lamb', and beneath the title lies a a symbolism of the animal, that insinuates eduction. Really prayed to Dad for inspiration and perseverance, and He did gave me that. Ahaha... never expected the story to turn out so drama, nontheless I hope Soo Lian enjoys it. I was rushing like crazy the whole of yesterday and today trying to link the story up, trying to make the narrator sound like a whiny introvert, getting comments (stumbled on some very elitist ones), and finding a conclusive ending. The mere 2 hours of sleep I had last night was worth it, the story came out presentably.
To celebrate the end of a mentally straining block, we went to watch a performance of excessive testosterone and steroids.
The movie 300.
EVERY single guy that appeared in that show (besides the creatures and old council men) had a great physique; well-defined pecs and abs and huge biceps and triceps and what not. Wah, watching that show only made me shrink in my seat in depression. Hanif assumed they used make up to make the abs more well defined. Maybe for Xerxes the bad guy (was surprised cause his name was mentioned in the bible too). It was an interesting story about the Spartan war, I highly recommend it. Just that maybe there was a little too much erotica in the beginning and too much blood and flying limbs at the end. Nonetheless the amazing cinematic scenes and stark contrast and deliberate high-definition slow-mos make this a must watch movie of 2007.
Anyway, the lead character is played by Gerard Butler. And I couldn't even recognize him in 300. He played the male protagonist of tomb raider 2, who had an amorous relationship with Lara Croft. They really did something to him in 300, maybe it was that distracting beard, I don't know. But he looked way older and fiercer and stuff. He really did reminded me a lot of Joel my ex polo captain. The way they both roared at their pack. Oh well, will experience more of these kind of brutal decibel assault when i get into NS. :]
Here's Gerard in Dear Frankie (sounds like an awesome movie, anyone Dvd? =D) and him in 300.
See what I mean? :]
Nescafe Goes A Long Way
Creative Writing is taking a toll. I had to redo my story in a first-person POV cause the previous one really got to messy. Too many things happening in one scene (classic case of sy's kiasuism). So yes, I'm up tonight to try to finish it. Hope I can make it for the check up tomorrow.
Anyways, I finally found out the most effective and easy way to make coffee.
Coffee instant-mix. An absolute blessing actually.
I only drink coffee when I need to stay awake/to make an excuse to stay in starbucks. So yea... this lagging revelation shows how noob I am. Aha.. but but but luckily my mum drinks coffee or else there won't be any sight of it in this family. Whooo!
For those of you who know about my condition, I have a feeling it's nothing severe. But like what I told *Abraham* just now, no matter if it's life-threatening or benign, I still thank and praise God. And it won't stop me from doing that. :]
Am typing and reading and msning all at one shot. Will be praying a little later too.. Who says only women multitask hur? hahaha... alrights folks, that's all for tonight. A short and quick one. Goodnight!
The Unpredictable Things Of Life
I guess this is what makes us different yea?
How all you think about is keeping us safe, keeping the ones around you close.
I know, it's a good thing to feel like this. But sometimes, you have to let people go. It's this other part about love that you don't understand. And that is sometimes to love, is to do things that might hurt. Because there's such a thin line that substantiates love and obsession.
I don't know why you disapproved of that man in that charity show, spilling his guts out trying to do a stunt to raise money for his needy patients. Maybe it's not the best way, for it cheapens our society to think we have to resort to entertainment to extract donations for the needy. But why do you disapprove him and calling him stupid to do this for the ones he love?
I finally saw our difference today.
It's because of your inability of seeing this bigger picture in love, that frustrates me sometimes. It's cause you can't see how that as I grow up, I need to make my own choices, make my own decisions, go out into the world and make my own mistakes, fail my own failures, so that from there I will learn and grow as a person. I know you want to protect me, but as I step from maturity to adolescence to adulthood, you have to let me go in some ways.
I know it's because of your concern that you say all those harsh things.
I know it's because you saw my down-ridden face, heard me crying these few months, that made you say why am doing all these when it's so hard.
But I'm not crying because it's hard. I'm not sad because I'm afraid of what life has thrown to me. My tears are tears of pain and joy, for God's moulding, for His strengthening everyday. Because he's plucking out the weeds in my heart. He's going deep into the depths of the past and pulling things that are not of Him out, one by one by one. The pain is excruciating, but it's is the choice I choose to take. I choose to let Him heal. I choose Him above everything. It's the choice I will take now, then, and evermore.
But I don't blame you anymore, I don't have any single hate or anger or resentment for the things you've done and did not do all these years.
All I have in my heart is restoration, and a new start on things. :]
Because Dad had taught me so many things throughout these months that I wish to show you and let you know about. To spill the overflowing joy I have for Him to you, to make things right again.
So here we go.
Strength in Him.
Indescribable
I am done in You.
For Your strength in me.
For everything. Good or bad, big or small, lovely or seemingly detestable, worth crying or worth smiling for, for hurts and pains that I can no longer carry by myself.
I will never stop praising You.
Almighty Father.
Wollobo Day 15: On Pens and Pains
"It's a little assault, they would say, to bring someone so close to the end of the emotional spectrum, and let the person fall across the edge. Like a lamb tricked to leap across the cliff, only to land to it's doom, down a plunging pit, and falling dead at it's uncouth base.
When Wai Hong analyzed Denise and Darren's relationship, that was all he saw. And that was all he thought about. Maybe along the intangible lines of friendship and courtship, was a breach. So small that everybody underrated it's eventual power, so tiny that it was left in laxity. If only he could've done something to prevent all this from happening, he gladly would've. But time has overtook him first, and left him only to bite its dust. Wai Hong knew very well that the consequences would eventually snowball into a gigantic mass of unalterable problems. He never knew it would be this soon.
Now all he could do was stand there, in the cold drizzling night, and watch in impending horror."
That was just tiny peek into the story that I'm producing for Creative Writing. It's an excerpt that I came about for some inspiration into the actual literary piece. :]
Anyway...
I dunno why but it seems like I'm becoming clumsier and clumsier.
Two weeks ago, I played soccer, and I injured my toe from playing barefooted. It bled so much I think the blood soaked more than two pieces of tissue paper.
Then last friday, after kayaking, I stood on this rock, and there were tons of clams stuck in the side of the rock. While I was searching for microscopic sea snail-ish things, I slipped and my right sole skid across the sharp clams. Leaving a very nice deep, gaping, bleeding wound that made me limp for a few mornings.
Then today, Joel was chasing me at our school's ramp and I fell torso first (like those shapeshifting 'blood and chocolate' werewolves) and skidded on the floor for abit. So right now I have a grazed elbow, wounded fingers, and a bruised thigh. Plus a healing sole. Joel if you're reading this you better not be laughing.. you moron.. haha..
I just really PRAY that I'll become a little more cautious... hahaha..
Do What You Will
Wollobo Day 11: Subtle Derogatory
I was listening to Billy Joel cause I had to perform him soon. And then my mum comes into the room with her Gamma smoke and turns to me in shock.
"You know how appreciate this kind of music ah!"
".... why not leh? I listen to him some times what. And I have to sing his song soon,"
"No la, this is good music. You better let me hear how you sound first,"
"Huh, why?"
"Cause what if you spoil the song? Then go perform malu,"
-___________-
Jared Anderson - I'm Coming Your Way
If all we have is love, then all I have is You
If life is what we choose, my choice is You
I'm coming Your way
I'm coming Your way
I'm coming Your way
If all we do is try, I'm giving You all mine
If faith helps us to decide, I have decided
I'm coming Your way
I'm coming Your way
I'm coming Your way
With all of my breath, with all of this heart in my chest
Every look in my eye, You'll know why
I'm coming Your way.
Wollobo Day 9: How Car-Sickness Came To Be
We didn't have a prayer meet in school this week, so I decided to get that Ian McEwan novel I've been eyeing for months. Atonement. He is really a good writer, and currently my favourite author (you know how these kind of things are highly susceptible to change over years of maturity and exposure so for now he's number one author for me).
So there I was, happily going to the bus stop after class. And guess who I chance upon.
Stanley. (not Standley)
Stanley was a guy I met during orientation. He wasn't in my OG or anything, but during our camp briefing he was sitting next to me, and we exchanged things about one another.. we were sort of acquaintances.
So I said hi, and I sat down next to him. And we began talking about stuff, he told me about PID and me about what modules I took and am taking. And suddenly I realise he was one of the people in the prayer meet too, he was from Dilys' church. In fact, he's the guy who brought Dilys to church, and thus the latter got led to Christ. HALLELUJAH!
Since he was late, he decided to hail a cab and so graciously offered to drop me down somewhere in town. *Inserts personal note* I get car-sick very easily, and since this driver was driving and stopping and driving and stopping 1289314176934 times during our trip, I was really nauseous by the time I alighted. Anyway that's besides the point. The point was during our trip, he told me alot about what was happening to him, tonnes and tonnes of it. He just poured everything out. I guess maybe because I know a few people that were in relation to his problems and story, and I was a brother in Christ too, so he told me all those stuff. I tried my best to listen and relate to him (while the driver CONTINUES to drive and brake multiple times).
So hopefully, we can go out some time and I can follow him up. :]
Other than the novel, I got 2 CDs from trumpet praise. Namely Jared Anderson's Where To Begin and Relient K's new CD (it's out, it's out, it's out!) And this makes me reaally glad :]
Tomorrow's our presentation, I still got loads to prepare.
The CD reviews and Mosaic Music Festival coming up soon...
Goodnight :]
Wollobo Day 8: A Change In Pace
I'm caught here in the McDonald's opposite my block. Listening to a crowded cell talk and laugh and mingle somewhere near me as I try to prepare for a book review and author's biography and writng style. I know their a cell cause I've seen them come down from the attic of a coffeehouse they call their church, although I can't remember what their church's called. It's great to see the commitment they have, for a church is acknowledged as a church not by the physicality of four walls, but by a group of like-minded people, coming together in the name of the Lord.
These nights, I've been really thinking about the future. How some things are all relative to the times ahead, and right now, there are alot of unresolved things that only God's time and will will reveal.
I've been trying to plan my time, even now as my workload isnt as hectic as it was. It definitely means more free time to ponder, to reflect, to revert back to a pensive state of mind. I'm taking things in slowly and considering all actions and consequences.
Some things, I really don't want to lay my hands on. You know?
I cannot change a person's state of mind, if he's always reflecting an aura of sadness for what has happened.
I cannot imagine things were like what it was before, when transparency was never an issue.
Maybe I was a little too intrusive into the things that has happened. And on reflecting, it wasn't a good thing. So yea, I really am taking a breather and giving everyone their own privacy and their own space. It affects me of course. I cannot not feel the things that happen around me.. yea, it does affect.
But I truly, truly, believe that even as some of my friends and myself take this step of getting to know Him more, we will find answers and revelations that will help us grow. And I'm praying for understanding and wisdom and dependence on Him.. honestly and genuinely.
Job 4: 17 - 19
Can a mortal be more righteous than God?
Can a man be more pure than his Maker?
If God places no trust in his servants,
if he charges his angels with error,
how much more those who live in houses of clay,
whose foundations are in the dust,
who are crushed more readily than a moth!
Trusting in His guidance, so that these foundation of clay that I used to have, will slowly replace itself into a house of firm steel and rock.
I'm taking a break. A long deserving one. A break I have from myself and the ones around. Less of catching up, and more of following Him. Reading His word, praying to Him, listening to His voice. I've been so caught in this whirlwind of events - sometimes intentionally, sometimes not - that I think it's time to drop them all, and begin creating artworks and pieces that will dictate a change of pace I'm having with life.
I really thank God for the guidance I get from people older than me.
And I guess it's obvious enough; Wollobo Days, is also the depiction of a spiritual journey, that has already begun. :]
Wollobo Day 7: Growing Up (Tangibly)
I can't keep up with this Wollobo Day thing apparently. Got alot of work and friends and family things to attend to. So yea, please spare me!!! Haha..
Last evening I watched The Queen before our steamboat. It's reaally interesting. Like how the storyline stirs and bends in the favour of Tony Blair, and how it practically brings us a glimspe of the not-so-royal lives of the Queen and her subjects. It's pretty much a dysfunctional family like anyone else's; family rejects, conspiracies, resentment, disapproval, all thrown into a huge mix of global criticism and critique.
And when I told a bit of that to my brother, he gave me a look of disgust and pretended to be smart and all that too and going "yar, I also think so too," -.- forever act act one.. haha.
It makes me wonder if I'm becoming all grown up. I mean, the way I enjoy these kind of movies.
Some nights I would swtich on News 5 Tonight and actually watch the whole thing. I'm actually watching news and enjoy it. I remember a few years back I'd rather stare at the ceiling for half and hour than watch something like that. It was those kind of adult things you wouldn't want to associate yourself with.
This getting really freaky.
Wollobo Day 4
We were venturing through the projects of the graduating design students. Particularly VSC. And this is what Steph, Jiaxin and I found in one of the stands. It was pinned on the namecards, so I reckon we could take it. The designer's work's cute eh? But somehow we got remarks of apprehension from the other students. But oh well, greedy little pigs we are. Ahaha..
And we walked around the exhibition, all of the works belonging to VSC Seniors. We weren't in particular fancy about their distinguished and time-consuming portfolios, but were rather stalking around the area to amass the countless free postcards each of them had on their specific exhibition stands. WAHA. But I did stop to look at many. I liked the illustrators work very much. You could tell how their drawing styles differ vastly, through years of perfection and self-liberating pen and pencil strokes.
I didn't even know which collection was my cousin's when I saw the fashion show
Gah...
Wollobo Day 3: Fashion Shows and Birthday Girls
This will be a quick one. I'm rushing down later to see the year 3 VSC projects and Shi Hua's (she's my cousin, very talented cousin) fashion show at Temasek Poly's very own TCC. In this case it hardly has any relevance to The Coffee Connoisseur that you probably think I'm contextualizing, but it technically just means Temasek Convention Centre (boring yes? If it was me I'll call it something hip like Lucidiea.. maybe it isn't that hip. Hahahaha)
Anyway, today is Cheryl's birthday! Whoo, big poms poms and shoutouts to finally being 18! Despite the fact I secretly envy the children all growing up so fast and leaving me in the Year-17-of-your-life spectrum by myself. Hur hur hur.. can go pubs la, can watch M-18 films la... the possibilities are endless.
So here I will lie in my zen, meditative and benign state of mind until the very day comes when I actually properly cross over into the depths of early-adulthood. Ahaha..
Later today Soo Lian's going to start another long lecture on story-writing (I can feel the churning of her educated voice and how she replaces her 'C's with her 'Z's already. Anyone razist here?) and the impending doom of the assesment results. I don't think she's marked all our works within a short span of 12 hours, and I will try to comprehend the inability of human rapidity even at it's best. Figuratively speaking.
Let's leave with a few verses from the chapter I was reading yesterday. I dig it so much, absolutely amazed and joyful for Dad =D:
1 Peter 1: 6 - 9
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Wollobo Day 2: Change
"Love isn't about allowing intimacy to fuel your commitment. But it's actually about allowing your commitment to fuel your intimacy,"
Jeng Ting.
I'm very very proud of this boy here! To state the fact of pride is an understatement. Like the many many dudes and dudettes and brothers and sisters that I know, I'm constantly pleasantly surprised by their little acts of sensibility, maturity and leadership abilities. Whoo! WHoo whoo whoo! Yay! Ahahahaha...
Today, Jeng Ting told us to read his blog (you can find it under his unofficial name - RAYMOND) and it was this long pensive post on love. Now fundamentally speaking, we've always been discussing about love. It's abstraction, it's complexity, and simplicity. I don't even know what's real human love. But Jesus is the exemplar of such a word. And no matter how forcefully warped and twisted it might get, there will always be something pure and truthful to exemplify love. And that's Him. That's my Daddy, my Saviour. He's up there and He's down here, and everywhere else :]
So cruising back to my original point, I'm very happy to see JT grow. And the many many others along with him. The maturity he posseses with each passing paragraph I read, only affirms me that he's grown. Up and up! So awesomely happyyyy!
Every trial and every roadblock we come across, are just lessons we learn in life. Some take years to comprehend, while others take only a few days to attain enlightenment. It's a never-ending process of learning. People change and grow with every hurt, fault, and struggle. And that's amazing to see, to see people around you becoming the men and women they were made to be.
Of course I've also got a long way to learn. A lengthy walk in life with Him by my side. And with each passing trial, comes a little less shedding of the veil that reveals this existentialism that constructs who I am. Today I'm filled with inexplicable joy. Joy in life, in work, in people and I got up feeling extremely refreshed. Some days I wake up and thank the Lord for just making another day for us to live by. Such simple things that we sometimes take for granted, He could've effortlessly taken away.
I'm thankful for change today, thankful for the things we have to go through. Maybe from my point it holds no regard, for I am meerly a soul whose been through the furnace, to come out and praise God for his sovereignty throughout my life. There are still people struggling to find His presence, struggling to keep afloat in depths of problems, and I had been through that... I shall quote from a specific someone - Don't Give Up! No qualms attached, no superiority in my tone. Just plain humility and love.
But as the road goes on for me, there will be more struggles, more obstacles, maybe even bigger than what has already happen. Because to press in for God, is to face deeper and darker challenges, and fight the spiritual warfare with the armour of His love on and with victory in mind.
:]
Ciao!