21/06/2004
You know I realised that I never wrote my journal entries with 100% sincerity because there was excitement of the internet around. So I'm glad I took about a week's break off the net and that is down, so I can write my journal's peacefully with no distractions. Okay, now let's start from the beginning of this week.
Well I finally saw 'Darkness Falls' that move that was around a long long time ago, and it's a really good story. I mean how many times you hear about horror flicks with the main monster only attacking within the darkness and cannot touch light? At first you think it sounds like Dracula but that monster in Darkness Falls is much more flexible and can fly about like some crow. Oh I really liked that show. Not alot though, the porcelain mask scares me (you'll know if you see that show). It’s a good show, not exactly fantastic, but there’s a lot of exploitation on emotions in it lah. The beginning was rather cryptic.
Then as the week went on, I am still a bit bugged by Benjamin not keeping to his word, and I did a dedication on Perfect 10 on the same day. I kind screwed it up I guess; I sounded like a sick desperado towards the DJ Grace Chua on that time. We talked about my brother's broken tooth, CDs (for a few seconds only). She’s not that bad, her voice is not as genteel as
Anyway let's continue about what I think about him. I think I wrote everything I felt about him a few journals ago.. so this is kinda an update for myself. Let's see, I was telling him about Kin Peng's BBQ this Sunday and he was like saying his birthday was on the day before that. Actually if anyone told me that under normal circumstances I would've given a really big birthday wish back..but, because of the previous incidents that he did, I didn't. And he still is oblivious about it, that's just really hurtful. So he said if something was wrong with me and I obviously hinted it. He'll be calling me on some day’s 10 pm, but I doubt he will. Like it's already 10 now and I've gotten no call yet. Oh, I bet a hundred bucks he won't call me at all.
Then again this week I told Jon I wanted to go his house, I think he thought I wanted to talk to him or something (he's always like that, don't like to talk to me face to face) but actually, I've fallen in love with his terrace house. It's my dream home! Well, Aaron's house was actually my dream house but he's in Australia now (sigh) so I guess Jon's is a second option. I've always loved two storey estates especially when I'm alone. All I wanted to do was go to a corner of his house, overlooking the street and brood and sulk and sort out all the bad things that has happen this pass month, because I'd liked to do that in my dream home. But I guess like everyone else, he ignored my last message, which was something like 'If you don't like me going just tell me' because I know he doesn't like me.. but he didn't even reply.
I've been sending out messages that don't get replies recently, so you can't blame me if I feel this bad.
Alot of people just neglect me, but like I mentioned I've sorted things out last week, and well, if people don't like me, I can't force them, and I can't kill myself just because of it. I still want to overdose myself with drugs or something to get into a coma or just get unconscious; It's not that I want to die.. I just want to escape.