A Letter To Jon
I finally stopped lingering about helping Jon. Mr. Pastor was saying today to close our eyes, ponder who needs God's help right now.. and I just prayed for Jon.. I think he thinks I'm a hypocrite and all... and after today when I saw that message he sent me about the latin prayer, I could feel that presence of anguish and vengence. I guess he didn't appreciate my concern.
You know it's hard to break into someone's barrier, especially someone like him. I just saw that he was down and as a friend I would really like to help. I once already told him how outcasted his feelings are to the rest of the world, and I thought I knocked some sense into him. How naive I was.. I know some people are constraint towards themselves.. and I don't know if I have that ability to make people see that there are people who care when one is down.
I feel like a failure, I made someone see the wrong side of me. It's weird, because we always had a on-off relationship.. and now it seems to take a milder turn, but to me.. that message was as good as an intentional curse back to my family. I didn't want anyone to open that bulletin, but since he did.. ergh, I can do nothing.
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Jon,
You can be as crazy as you, as mad as you are outside school.. and I would'nt had care. You know, when you went crazy I knew you couldn't take it any longer, but I didn't want yo see you go even worse. I know how you feel, and since you think I'm such a bitch to be a nosey parker and care about your emotions, then fine. I'm leaving.
I once told you I'd still be here when everyone goes.. but everyone has left. And you are alone, and you are still choosing who you want to be with.
I can't believe you actually sent me back the latin prayer intentionally to only me, I didn't want anyone to open it.. but what can I do? My family means alot to me.. and sending that to me personally made me feel like you were cursing them. And you know what? I'm not resending that. You made me realise how stupid I was to believe that.. if my family was to cease today, I would still have faith God would take good care of them.
Since Darrell, Aric, Yong Hui are all your good friends and they make you laugh and all, why don't you tell them your problems?
You scarred me, and I'm stronger than before. You can't bring me down. I know you look down on me.. but you know whose the real loser? You. Because you can't tell what's more important and you're gonna make a mess out of your life.. I can tell. I hope someone who you like would come down and help you and you'd be better. I ain't gonna curse you or anything.. just wish you good luck and some light would dawn on you soon.
Shan Yu
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