Understating Part 2: Welcome To My Life
I find the show 'Welcome To my Life' damn interesting. It was funny, there was this support actress Lulu (real name Cindy) who acted real well. Haha, characters like her are hilarious to watch. She's got talent sia... can go be like the next Patricia Mok (in character!!! not in looks!).
Ben's church has this amazing spirit for God. It's surprising. There was a gig after the show, and they all raised their hands in praise... they didn't care what other peeps thought of them, and when the band (amazing gutairist seh..) played songs of celebration, they all started jumping and hopping and screaming. Kinda lunatical, but I think it's cause they really understood something - that God is no. 1. And so nothing else mattered; their pride, their willfulness, all just disappears.
And I just stood there in awe, at how God makes such things powerful. How he unites everyone.. I never expected teens to be able to bow down in His favour whole-heartedly. Maybe you can say I've lost my trust in humankind, but who hasn't been disappointed by another before? So that night was pretty amazing. Till now it still is, I will never forget how the woman behind me raised her arms and sang her heart out, even though not in tune. It just sounded beautiful.
When I went to church the next day alone, then did I realise how empty the praises sounded. How hollow the hymns rang in the church's walls. How I've been deluding myself that I'm a great Christian. I know I don't believe in the Catholic faith, will never truly believe in any. Cause to me, God is Love. And no rules or regulations or rites can differentiate us who believe Him.
Like in my church, I've always been to adult services and it's kinda boring... you see people there as ingenuine, fake, empty praises. As if they go there for duty, for a menial task of making sure their place in Heaven is safe. Loving God isn't just spending a few hours in church, well, that's what I think.
I feel alone, alone to fend Satan. Alone to pray, to worship, to praise. Alone to try my best to comfort myself, because there's a part in everyone where you can never find consolation to, unless you find the right people.