Window Planes And Dying Potted Plants
I'm super freaked today.
Last night while I was sleeping, I dreamt that there was this school girl, who murdered another school girl. And a friend and I went to the crime scene. The victim was horribly stuck up on the wall with a screwdriver rendered through one of her eye sockets. And her other eye - the pupil was red and the eye-whites were yellow.. and she just looked so demonic. And then that eye turned and looked at me.
I jolted up. Back in my bedroom, and I heaved a huge sigh.
And I thought to myself out loud, "God, how can such a demonic sight exist?"
(Wait. At this point, you must realise I don't expect an answer. It was a trivial question. I don't expect Him to tell me yes or no, cause the answer was obvious to me.)
But an audible voice replied me.
"Yes,"
And the voice was so deep and dark and absolutely frightening. It has this tone that made your heart sink a thousand miles, so eerie it made every bit of my hair stand. It was as if I was facing the devil himself, and hearing him speak to me. I can't explain the feeling properly. But it just felt like I was in a pitch black room, and there's a man-eating alien on the other side of it. Ultimate fear. Yeah... it's probably called ultimate fear.
Well anyway, I was stunned for abit. And then I started shouting Lord out loud. And I started praising Jesus. Really, just letting it loose. It went something like this.. I remember the voice kept saying 'no'.. and the dialogue went something like this:
"God you are the Only One I will praise,"
"No..."
"Lord you are my Only Saviour! And there's no others that can replace your name!"
"No..!!"
"Lord my God only you can take away my sins and set me free!"
"NO!!!!"
And *snap*. The voice was gone.
Gm said it might've been me dreaming and thinking too much, or an evil spirit at work. He said his pastor said before these things happen when either you're lacking faith or having a really strong faith in God. It's like a test that happens when you're too hot or too cold. And I think I belong to the little faith category. And yeah, maybe it is a sign to say - pull up your socks, stop slacking, and catch up in your road towards God.
I prayed about it. And yeah... I'm going to lay down my life for God. I always thought I did. But this incident taught me something - don't be contented with where you are at with Him - there's still 80% of my life still yet to finish. And it's never going to be enough. Sure I might have my flaws and sins and shame, but I think I've gotten too comfortable just ignoring them. I don't want that. God doesn't want that. So here goes nothing, take the wide leap of faith, and see where it's gonna take me.
Breathe in, breathe out.
And be reminded of whose love I truly want.