Cannonball Into The Water
Sometimes, I wish I could run away from it all. I wish I had a total different life.
I wish I was that pan-asian guy in that see-through kitchen in that arabic restaurant I saw just now. Just lying in my small cozy kitchen, whipping up dishes for a small group of regulars. Alone, barricaded behind the steel and plastic counter, away from the people and the sights. Away from the things that gives me pressure, and the situations that I wish could change. I could be around familiar yet distant faces, with no obligations to them, get to know them slowly and quietly. And just let my life drift by peacefully and without distractions.
I get so tired of the situations around me sometimes, I just feel like packing up and heading to another country and start all afresh by myself.
I just want to stop thinking about everyone. Stop worrying for everyone, and stop worrying for myself. Stop being bound to the implications of school, and the parental laws that are hounded above me, and the people around me. I just want to have a few really good friends, have a really stable quiet business. And just be happy.
Sometimes some things just make me wanna squat down and just yell everything out.
A good friend tells me I'm on the losing end. Maybe I am. But I just want to see things work out. I'm having really mixed feelings now.. but I don't mind being the one who loses. As long as everyone turns out really happy. Seriously.
Maybe one day, when the wind blows another way. I WILL pack my bags, and just leave it all behind. So that I can muster that strength and come back and face it all over again. And hopefully it'll be set right.
Don't worry about me, I'm perfectly fine. :] I'm just writing what it all feels right now.