Please Don't Look Back
I was reading someone's blog and she wrote she's changed alot in 4 months. And I looked back on myself, and I realise I have changed alot in this past year too. I'm asking alot more out of relationships, I'm letting go on alot of stupid habits I use to have, I'm thinking about the future now - that's something I usually wouldn't bother. And this all freaks me out. Have you ever realise you've changed alot only after you stop and look back? Yeah, that's happening to me now and I don't like it.
My parents told me we're going HK at the end of this year. And I was thrilled, and I made up this plan in my mind of what to get there. And suddenly now they changed their plans - we're going to Japan now cause my brother wants to. And I told them I'd rather not go. Japan doesn't excite me in any way, and since I won't enjoy my vacation there, it's better they save on an extra ticket. I think it sounds really juvenile, but it's true. I won't want to waste my Dad's cash if I won't like the experience. It's already hard up that I'm spending tonnes on school. :/
You know I could blame them for a 10000 over things that they've done wrong with me. But who has perfect parents? When I was younger, I remember my Dad caned me something I didn't do and he forced me to admit it. And when I did 'confess', he caned me anyway. That experience never left my mind. And I wonder why. I guess that's where the big psychological theory about 'specific experiences can scar someone for life' comes true. So when I become someone's Dad I want to make sure I never malign my kids.
The haze tonight is really bad. Just now while we were out celebrating Fabian's birthday, Edwin told us the haze was at Hazardous Level and we seriously couldn't see anything beyond a couple of miles. And that lan shop we went too had such a strong cigarette smoke inside it's probably as bad as the haze.
It's QT.