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I'm not a person you would want to know. I have so many flaws, so many bad habits and bad bad bad character traits that not one person will understand. I've lost plenty of friends, close and distant, they come in and out of my life like seasons. No one actually stays. No one actually finds me right enough to try.
I don't blame anyone, for who I am. For the stubborn, hot-tempered, chauvinistic, impatient, and proud guy I am. I don't blame anyone, for my inability to make conversations, for my shyness to strangers, and over-confidence to people I know. These are parts of me I wish I could change. But alas, they don't. Over and over I've tried. I've tried pretending I was someone else. Someone else I know whose got a great personality I wish I have, but then I fail. Cause in the end, I'm still all those things above.
So now, I confess.
I confess that I'm not up to mark as a human being. And I say sorry for the ones I've hurt so far. Be it the ones who couldn't stand me, or the ones I've disappointed. I'm really really sorry.
And I'm sorry Dad, that I couldn't be that son you always wanted me to be. I'm sorry for always failing under Your expectations, and that I'm so useless. That I try to be someone bigger than I am but I can't. I'm so bound by my own flaws. I never worked hard for an assignment, I didn't try to balance polo with school, I didn't try making more friends when I could. I'm sorry for the times I neglected You cause I thought I could run my own life. I'm sorry for the times I let mundane things fill up my time with You.
And from now on. I will try. Give me some time, but I will try.
I will try to be that better guy. The one who used to listen to people's problems and just smile and rub their shoulders. The one who laughs at stupid things and sings all the time cause it's the only things he knows best.