The Randomness Of It All
I feel very very happy today :]
It's as if everything fell into place, and the world slowed down to an oblivious whirl. It's His peace, that fills my heart as I moved across this week in an ultra slow, quirky yet mundane kinda way.
This week,
I like listening to the soft rummings of construction machines in the distance after jogging, and lie on my bed in the cold afternoon storm, reading novels. The obscured ears listening to Michael Buble and Rickie Lee Jones late in the night, praying and reading the bible before sleeping. Going out with friends and laughing at crazy things that wouldn't matter. Dreaming about oversized cockroaches and bursting bladders, haha, the randomness of it all.
Just the simple things in life that work can snatch away from you.
It's this life or reflection and restoration that counts.
After a crazy period in time, when everything's been slowly tearing you down, it's the times like these with Daddy that really charges you up with new fire, and new spirit.
I don't know why I decided to go on that break last Saturday.
Maybe because stuff happened a specific person and I, or maybe not. Or maybe I was just tired of going and facing my commitments when I know honestly I hold burdens that comes inevitable with maturing friendships. But because I don't want to sound like a broken record, going monotonously about feeling good, having uncertainty, feeling bad, and then good again. There's just more to life than that. And once I asked myself; is being happy just a delusional state of mind that people have when they actually are running away from the problems that they all face?
And I know it isn't really. It's just looking on the brighter side of things.
I've learnt to do that this week.
To look at something bigger than the burdens. To really take out that plank in my eye, and look at things from a God-given perspective. To sort things out within me that I thought had all blown over, when all along it was beneath the surface of my mind; churning and churning continuously, and pulling me back from being a free man.
You know, sometimes that pain and hurt builds and builds, and you would think it's all over, but it isn't. It just stays there, somewhere inside our hearts like magma beneath the earth's crust, waiting for a chance to cause a volcanic catastrophe in our lives. And we carry on, thinking that life's just the same as long as we fit back into the pace of our lives, bombarding ourselves with life. But does that hurt really fade away?
I'm glad that I took that honest step of faith and relinquished my church responsibilities, to try and find Him as my centre again, and not move on without leaving a final mark of a closing chapter in my life.
.
.
.
.
.
I was talking to Gab just now, and now I really want an LCA+ and try making pinhole matchboxes and do something lomo-ish. So I went to load up the holga with 120 mm film, and that took me ONE HOUR. Hahahahahaahaha, cause I would put in the roll and forget the mask, or I would put the wrong cover. So I went in and out of my room trying to fix everything with instructions off the internet and with Steph's help over msn. Haha, I'm so grateful she was online. So asically I squatted at my closet over and over and over again trying to load it. What a loser right.. hahahahahaha
I'm content, so peaced out, that there's nothing else can take this away right now, not even that storm trashing outside my room. :] My God's peace, right in here somewhere, after all these crazy weeks and months, He's taught me what I know so that I will never ever fall back to where I came from.
And fundamentally, at the very core of it,
It's Him. And I might not have understood it before, but I understand now,
that it's all about Him.