The Flight Of Existence
Our journeys will end, with the flght of existence.
When the skies shall embed our forgotten memories,
dwelling in the hearts of the forgiven,
faces, words, voices,
laughter, crying, reveries,
all ceasing to exist,
all coming to a hush,
who shall then come?
to hear our final heartbeats?
He would.
our jorneys will end, with the flight of existence.
.
.
.
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I don't feel like writing about change right now. I should be, cause this morning some terrible news just dropped down on me and I wanted to talk about it. But I'm not gonna.
What has happened recently?
Maybe a taste of the future to come.
Yeah...that's exactly how a feel; like I saw a bit of my future.
When the worship ministry went to that children's home yesterday, I knew I was going to have trouble entwining myself into the abyss of childhood. We were there for a short hour, playing games with these kids from dysfunctional families, and just trying to add a little joy back into their lives. I saw laughing faces, the kicking and screaming, constant selfishness - all these that relating to every single child we would ever come across. Kids are always kids, bubbly and joyful, yet so unvarnished by adult superficiality that they live lives I know some people would want.
It really humbled me when I thought someday...someday, I would be at that exact same position as someone's dad, conversing to them with up-key voices and entertaining them with immature questions and a constant smiling face. Reassuring my little ones with a shiny sticker or a new toy, patting their backs and telling them bedtime stories until they soundly fall asleep. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling that one day, I would be raising up a child of God's, working hand in hand with my Daddy up there to nurture a fighting spirit of a man or woman. And even though I'm not exactly the best child-coaxer and honey-talker in the world, I'm willing to try. And try, and try.
I left with an enriching experience I must say.
Onwards, today, SH and I went swimming after a month of being busy with our own lives and projects. In the midst of all of this he told me that his JC friend Bohan passed away December. One of his blood vessels in his brain burst and he died during his holiday in China.
I was really shocked, cause even though we've only met once or twice, Bohan and I never got off on the right foot and we're always the topic of ridicule when we're talking to SH. Like he'll say something sarcastic about me and I'll rebutt something back though SH. It wasn't on purpose or anything, we were just being cheeky - a little like how aunties like to talk about their nephews and nephew's son's friend without even knowing the person well. So yes, we didn't know one another well - we've met and said his and hellos - but not well. All I knew he played a big part in SH's life. And that mattered to me. Shan Hui would tell me jokes that they shared, and their prank-escapades during their swimming trainings, his irreverent sense of humour, and how they could instantaneously click with one another.
At some point of late I would wonder why SH wouldn't tell me something of such magnitude all the way since last year, but he said he didn't know how to put it across. And I've also been a tad bit busier since Year 2 Poly started, and that minute perception of negligence contributed here and there to result in his tight-lips about the whole issue.
He told me he cried horribly after the first 2 days he got the news, and sometimes he would just travel down to Bohan's church in Upp Serangoon, sit around his tablet for awhile, and return home. SH's never like this. He would never do something like this before, and now he was, and I guess that showed how rattled he was. I told him one day we should go down to see his tablet together. Just to show my support, and really pay my own respects to the brother. Though our relationship was hardly substantial or civil, I know I've nothing against him, and it wouldn't hurt to make it clear.
The future is scary, and amazing at the same time don't you think? We've reached that stage where our friends die, and no longer just hearing about distant mother's friends or auntie-in-laws and people like that passing on. We've reached the stage where we think about our future partners and families and the kinds of houses we would want to live in, the careers we might like to embrace, the roles we have an urge to take up. Bohan was someone who grew up like may of us, hanging out with the same-aged friends, and he spent almost as much time as me on this planet. But now, his existence has came to an end and God has called him back to His arms. Hence, for the rest of this journey on this earth, he'll just remain in our hearts and no longer in tangible form, slowly fading away into the depths of memories that are bound to subside into our minds as we gain with age. In that very abstraction it's already rather endearing.
For all that it's worth, I bet he was a good friend. And ultimately a good soul, who would be deeply missed by his friends... and me - in the way.
Cheers to Ben-Bohan, may you always rest in peace brother.