08/06/2004
Today is a bad day. A really really bad day, I just came back from the forums and they're like people who are insensitive to other people's feelings. And what, some people actually gain respect for him; wth is happening to the world? Are all emotions some fun/merry maker comedy? They just go on and on about sarcastic remarks 'come sympathise me' when this girl was feeling like killing herself. I have absolutely NOTHING to say to these people then hope they taste their own medicine someday...
Anyway, miss Chua was like the BIG demoraliser today. I wrote some words that were cut off (as in you only see part of the paper) and you know what she said? She said it was LAME, so LAME, I was really hurt and shocked when I heard that, I thought she'd be a little more outstanding and more compassionate but these days she's like this unsympathetic woman and I don't like it. I prefer Miss Chew now, at least she understands and listens to people. No wonder CK and Iven and Shan Hui wants to quit art. And I feel sorry for Hanif, I know he wants to do really well for art but Miss Chua gave him a 57%. I think art should not be about aethetic qualities or technique, but of emotion. As long as you put in all your emotions and it turns out to look like some Kindergarden drawing, who care? I'd give high marks.
Anyway today is a bad bad day and I just wish that tomorrow I can at least go to the English Course and skip art. So I'll rush my clay workshop tomorrow.. that conductor teaching us looks very familiar, I tihnk he's some distant relative I have. Anyway we had pizza today, Miss Chua's treat (NO, its the canadian 2 for 1) so Asanul and Kenneth took more than 2 and cause havoc and everything. I don't balem them, active people get hungry easily, yeap, I know I am so don't rub it in.
I feel like strangling those insensitive people right now!
07/06/2004
I think I'm going to skip chem tuition today; I just came back from meridian JC's chroal clinich for the choir. I bet we were the worst one there compared with Victoria and ESPECIALLY TKSS choir, they sounds marvelous and here we are - the tenors struggling to reach a high note.
Anyway I saw Joshua Cheam (whatever his surname is) at the Victoria School Choir. He looks, well - the same and I bet he can't recongnize me because of my new specs - and my mum wants to get a frameless pair for me. The two clinicians said we had potential, just that we need time - hey, we only like sang for half a year together with the sec 1s and I have a gut feeling the rest of the choirs had 'forced' members no wonder they outnumbered us by leaps and bounds.
I finished my art! That is the biggest load off my chest to date and I found out the choir art boys' deadline was tomorrow. Some misunderstanding blew up I guess.. so who cares I completed by today and I was quite happy with the end product. Everything is still successful. Oh yea they were supposed to send my DBS card by today but I still have not gotten it; maybe I should had gotten the one with no imprinted name to save all this hassle.
Oh yea if you ever happen to go to the Punggol MRT Station/Interchange you'll see in a distance on a field one SINGLE house in the middle of nowhere on the field. I think I've seen it on the forums before but it is creepy, we ventured like until half a km away from it, you know - just in case. Ahh anyway i didn't get to watch The Day After Tomorrow so I hope someone in Singapore would read this and please watch it with me ><
06/06/2004
Well now, ain't it big.. I think I'm going to watch Day After Tomorrow with Daniel after all, since Benjamin doesn't seem he wanna watch with me and he's at camp without giving me a slight note :/ So.. finally I can anticipate that awesome awesome scenes with hurricanes and all those stuff.. weehee.
I finally thought it out. I might be depressed that I was before, but you have to move on. You can't keep wallowing in your own pity and hope someone come and save you.Most of the time, people pick themself up.. and the people around them are oblivious that they even suffered before. I'm back to myself (at least I know because I was being such a hog with first time math tuition today) and well, I am still disappointed Ben didn't call because I trusted him to; it's not his fault - I'm just relying too much on someone I just met.
Today I've been procrastinating again; I did so little of art, and now I'm back playing Divine Divinity - I'm hooked! Its such an awesome game and I can't wait to buy the add-on version Beyond Divinity :D
Now, let's see what we have to say about Mr Math Tutor.. right. I don't even know his name, or anyone else's name at the tutor's house. Apparently its this small apartment they use as tuition and that tutor is the man tutor's daughter's boyfriend (complicated eh?) And the main tutor's called Aunti Sally, as for her disciples I have no idea what their called. Anyway, let's see what I've got to say about this tutor... number 1 he looks much better than my chem tutor (the one with panda eyes) cause he has a healthy physique and all (sick of nerds), he's rather thoughtful and he tries to make math stuff sound simple for me (actually half the time my mind goes blank because I'm bashful with new ppl, but honestly I know most of the math) and well he's very well-liked by the kids there (yeap. not their kids but their there on permanent basis). Problem is he's chanted 'swee' like ten times, makes me feel really bad when I get something wrong and all.
I just hate math ya? So anything related to it; hey I won't like it too. He even asked outside topics and I think he thinks I'm metro because he asked my cca and I said choir :/ bah. Anyway, its been boring, and yes I STILL have not done anything for art >_<
Side Post 1
Well, if you don't know what I mean by a side post, it relates to entries I make that I don't think are counted as journal entries. So I'll keep this aside and let these be some marks that I leave behind before I forget them.
I miss Everwood. Definately. But I can't catch up with the storyline anymore and I'm losing interest of it, I still think it's great but I don't anticipate weekdays 4pm for it anymore. I love Ephram; he's just so smart, and even if he was lonely and was an outcast, he didn't mind it.
Why am I even talking about that? Let's say you portray a scenario today when you were talking to a friend, he sees someone he knows, and he heads up to them and they don't even care to say something to you. I'm not trying to blame Daniel here at all, but it just feels demoralising; like as if you aren't likeable enough to be talked to. Well, it happens alot to me, and I'd say that it feels 100% down to be left alone, and know that not one person is generous enough to actually notice my presence.
Well, I might be a hypocrite in saying this, but I detest selfish people. And it seems like everyone is. They don't bother to talk to you as long as they have someone else, or they take other people's feelings for granted. I started this blog because I knew no one would ever want to read it, but just today someone came up to me to ask for a blog site to publish their blogs, and whatever for? Half of the time to publish their thoughts. It's unneccesary.
I realised that some people you think of high regard don't think as much as you, I won't name examples, but it really feels that way. Especially when someone came up to you and sounded like a true genuine friend, but they can't stop to think about you afterwards. I hold alot of people before me, but I don't get the same position back. Yeap, it sounds stupid, but I think most people like me because they think I'm always cheerful. I thought I was before.
04/06/2004
Well today it's worse because I have choir at 9, rushing to hand in DnT cutting list at 12.45 pm, and then I have to make a big turn back to the art room and do until its dusk. Like I said you never get a break in June, and I am just hoping for 11th June to come; that's when I am absolutely free from work.
I don't know why, but these days hearing all those hillsong songs and that Mazzy Star's Turning Into Dust (featured as the previous the O.C advertisment music), I've started to think about Benjamin. I never thought I'd be attached to anything related to my new class but I did. Well he said he'd add me on msn and call me to go out with but I have no contact from him for these few days already.. maybe he thinks it's abit early to call, maybe he knows that I'm busy and doesn't want to disturb, or maybe he never thought anything of me. And I'm only going to watch The Day After Tomorrow when he calls so please get it off my wishlist Ben!!
Whatever the case, I really have no time to think it through right now and I heard from Iven the Choir Athens Trip might be cancelled! That's because there are so few people actually going there (about less than 20), so they might not go there at all.. Haiz, don't look at me I ain't one of the ones going because I can't afford it. So now, I'll sit back, enjoy Divine Divinity for abit before I rush the day away again.
03/06/2004
As you can see I finally put this template into good use and readjusted alot of the sidebar, leaving behind some links, friends and the chatterbox thing (all thanks to Darrell). HTML looks hard at first but once you get a hang of things it isn't so difficult, but of course I have alot more to learn. Well, I am STILL worried for my art because today is a Thursday and I have choir! So the whole day is for choir and I'll go crazy trying to rush art. Then there's the stupid D&T cutting list to do; but how do you do it without improving this and that and so on? Oh My Gosh the holidays are worse than school days.
Anyway this post IS in the morning so I still have a day's account to write down, but I guess not now because I am mentally exshausted doing this.. this blog. Not to mention I haven't even improved my main website, freewebs.com/whitesyren.
02/06/2004
Its already Wednesday and I still haven't completed much on my art.. anyway, I'm just being a little pessimistic here.. after all that's happened that is. Yesterday I got my comp back, I really don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing because I pissed Shan Hui off again. He was angry with me for suddenly logging off while I was transferring a file from him, somehow since yesterday, I feel that whatever I do has to please him in a way or another, so I have to watch my words like *is it convienient for you to send me this?* instead of something like *send me the file leh* I'm just realy paranoid he gets angry with me.. since I was so shocked when we argued in the morning because of something I thought was neutral. Not that I'm not at fault here, maybe I was too insensitive and all, but having this thought he will be angry with me all the time... its paranoia..
If that's not depressing enough, I think Darrell blocked me on msn. Maybe Shan Hui told him something about the argument, and maybe YK spiced things up a little. Speaking about YK seems like his jealousy is really enraged, he backstabs me because he thinks I have a better life than him, well.. that is SO wrong, and he is really, really insensitive to other people.. make others wait, this and that without even giving a call (it has happened many times before) and then when he hurts someone already he then repents. I was really mortified that he was backstabbing me because even though we're no longer best friends I still counted him as a normal one, and now he does this. I really trusted him. I really really did, and after what's happened... I feel like you're never aware of betrayal.
Now, one thing I wished for, is a bottle of pills. I don't want to attempt suicide yet, but at least remain unconcious for a long long time... and just leave this world at peace. I would had done it weeks ago if I hadn't kept faith to God... I just want to sleep and never wake up, and when I do... I wished it was a nightmare.
a nightmare. but it isn't.