Goomen
Shan Hui, Daniel and me went to the Amadeus concert today, Let's Begin Again. It was a splendid performance, the concert technique was like ours; solemn and heavy songs at first, and the second half is much more contempary. I guess Miss Ong wanted to create the ambience that suited all of the audience(Even though most of her audience were her students and that's why it was a full house). She repeated some songs that were ours, but her ones are more challenging. That is why I think Miss Gan didn't like her; she didn't choose better versions of the same song for us.
Anyway after the concert we kind of surprised Miss Ong by showing up.
She was beaming with a gleaming brown-gold gown, cascading shoulder-length brown hair and gripping to bouquets of flowers given to her with gratefulness. People swarmed to her like fans and she greeting them with hospitality. We just stood there below her, off-stage, and she turned to us. Then we just chimed, "Miss Ong do you remember us?"
And she gleamed, "Of course! The three of you!". What is so great about seeing someone after so long is to smile at their surprised reaction; mixed well with ecstasy and excitement. I know we all might just be another batch of students she taught, but everyone shares a deep relationship with her because she is just so likeable. And she actually trusts us, and that is what makes her character admirable.
We had to wait for another good 15 minutes for her to finish talking to her students, and we stood at the corner of the right-audience seats, she came to us, with another guy in black tagging along and leaning not so far away on a chair. We told her what our choir was going through, how unmotivated we are without her around, and the defiance of the sec 1s. I'm glad I got her number in the end, or else it'll be hard to find any of her contact after that.
It's sad the rest didn't come because she was expecting more guys to attend the concert. She was really excited that we went, I mean she actually remembered us.. but as usual she got me and Shan Hui's name mixed up. It was great to see her again, and she is really the best conductress ever. I miss her, can't she teach in our school again or something? We should make some kind of petition for her to come back.
Oh well, tonight's song is Tuesday Morning by Michelle Branch.
Happy Birthday Hanif!
Anyone interested to go to Miss Ong Chiak Yin's (our choir's ex-conductor) Amadeus concert? I heard Tong Liang's sister won't be in this time round; they always change members for some reason. I still have yet to book the tickets... wonder what's taking so long for some guys to make up their decisions on whether they wanna go. I bet Miss Ong would be delighted to see Daniel and the rest la... but she won't remember me.
I just told my Mom about the ticket price, it's kinda steep I agree - $18 for a ticket. I hope there's some kind of subsidy but seems like there isn't. Messaged Miss Gan about it too, she doesn't seem to be interested cause she never reply me.
Today is Hanif's birthday, and I guess it's been a good three years already since we knew each other. Actually, Timothy got to know him first and we became engrossed with the 'Lady Marmalade' song.. and there had been loads of times we fought and all, and our friendship got really torn and bad. But I guess this is what you call true friendship.. it somehow gets back to normal. He's one of those good friends that people don't notice... he has this side not alot of people know.. and they misunderstand him.. it happens to all of us la.
I don't like Timothy Wong at all. He's those kind of people who uses others for his own entertainment. Don't know what I mean? I mean, he carefully picks out people that he likes and those that would humour him (this excludes band friends ar..dunno why people like Ryan and Malcolm can't see this outstanding trait he has). Then, the rest of the guys who are more outspoken, unknown or not as likeable he just ignores them. I was just using the chloroform and yelling when it got onto to my skin because I didn't if it had any effect, he had to make some negative comments about it. When I asked him if the chloroform would make the table stick to the plastic, he snorted;
"Chloroform is to stick plastic right? Will it burn wood? Tsk."
I mean it's okay if you have some stinking attitude problem but hey, I asked politely and would really expect some courteous help than listen to some stinking proud attitude. What is the use of a pretty face when you don't even have a good heart? What matters is how you treat everyone as your equal, don't think because you look more 'tame' you can blow your top at others who might even be better off than you in other points. I wonder if I can ever get people into their senses, Timothy is really beyond hope; he had this attitude since... since as long as I knew him.. that's like four odd years already. And unlike Ezra and Clovis who become more understandable about their schoolmates as they mature.. others just become even better snobs.
I hope he can see that what lies in a friend is his loyalty and honesty, and not just good looks, geeky behaviour, obscure language and wild actions. I don't hate him, I just dislike his attitude to some of us, I bet he's not a bad guy afterall.
Awwww
Well, today I went to the esplanade expecting to buy the TDAT postcards while Tim bought his collar pin. In the end I realise they have some loose postcards on X-Men 2 and changed my decision on what to buy. Soo, I might not have the complete set of mutants now and I am really disappointed everyone took Lady Deathstrike already, I guess it's okay.
Budy finally came today, I thought he was going to look as fashionable as one of those jerks in school but well, I'm glad he's still decent. He's very massive now... I think he bodybuilds and sadly, he's going back to JB tomorrow. Anyway I don't know him well la and he talks to my brother more than to me so it's okay.
English common test was chicken. :X
Someone Comes Tonight!
I don't know why I'm anticipating my Dad's friend's son's arrival from Australia. He's here for a medical checkup and he'll be accomodating here for a bit. I haven't seen that Budy for a good five years.. obviously I look much worse with scars now.. and I bet he's gonna turn out good-looking, he's always been nice la. I didn't talk to him much when we were in Bali; there was an age gap, and besides, I wasn't that intellectually mature at that time.
I won't be at home when he comes, with Chem tuition today and all, and then having to study for Chinese for a good 3-4 hours before I crash.
I heard he broke up with his Koren girlfriend... that girl was really pretty! And she was good-natured too, she even asked me if I would be interested if she'd bought some BoA albums for me! Ain't she nice... that time (about a couple of years back) she came as a stop before she heads to Bali to see Budy.. we went to this restaurant for dinner, and she took one HUGE mouthful of rice. They sure do love rice alot there. Mr. Koh was saying how huge Korea and how complex their transport systems might be, that really makes me detest Korea, I don't wanna give up going with my friends to Australia because I need to go Korea with my family.
Okay, time to go have some noodles.
A Letter To Jon
I finally stopped lingering about helping Jon. Mr. Pastor was saying today to close our eyes, ponder who needs God's help right now.. and I just prayed for Jon.. I think he thinks I'm a hypocrite and all... and after today when I saw that message he sent me about the latin prayer, I could feel that presence of anguish and vengence. I guess he didn't appreciate my concern.
You know it's hard to break into someone's barrier, especially someone like him. I just saw that he was down and as a friend I would really like to help. I once already told him how outcasted his feelings are to the rest of the world, and I thought I knocked some sense into him. How naive I was.. I know some people are constraint towards themselves.. and I don't know if I have that ability to make people see that there are people who care when one is down.
I feel like a failure, I made someone see the wrong side of me. It's weird, because we always had a on-off relationship.. and now it seems to take a milder turn, but to me.. that message was as good as an intentional curse back to my family. I didn't want anyone to open that bulletin, but since he did.. ergh, I can do nothing.
----------
Jon,
You can be as crazy as you, as mad as you are outside school.. and I would'nt had care. You know, when you went crazy I knew you couldn't take it any longer, but I didn't want yo see you go even worse. I know how you feel, and since you think I'm such a bitch to be a nosey parker and care about your emotions, then fine. I'm leaving.
I once told you I'd still be here when everyone goes.. but everyone has left. And you are alone, and you are still choosing who you want to be with.
I can't believe you actually sent me back the latin prayer intentionally to only me, I didn't want anyone to open it.. but what can I do? My family means alot to me.. and sending that to me personally made me feel like you were cursing them. And you know what? I'm not resending that. You made me realise how stupid I was to believe that.. if my family was to cease today, I would still have faith God would take good care of them.
Since Darrell, Aric, Yong Hui are all your good friends and they make you laugh and all, why don't you tell them your problems?
You scarred me, and I'm stronger than before. You can't bring me down. I know you look down on me.. but you know whose the real loser? You. Because you can't tell what's more important and you're gonna make a mess out of your life.. I can tell. I hope someone who you like would come down and help you and you'd be better. I ain't gonna curse you or anything.. just wish you good luck and some light would dawn on you soon.
Shan Yu
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A Step Into The Fields
I was sacked from being the 'creative director' of the choir commitee today. This calles for a celebration! It seems like me, Eugene and Jie Rong are the only ones that were successful in breaking away from the evil clutches of Miss Lee's 'forced' choir commitee. Right now, I'm going to work on 'Ten Ways To Lose Your Choir Commitee Job' article.. it's going to take a while to complete this because I have to step back and see what actions I did to get myself sacked.
Anyway, I found LFO's Life Is Good today at Cash Converters! I was with Iven after buying my ten-year-series physics. I know I'm so lucky.. the CD seems pirated but everything else (lyrics, cover etc.) are real enough.. and the CD is good enough too. I don't care much about it as long as I can hear it.. and I found the album was quite screwed up in the first place. The songs all are really nice and mellow. I saw Miss Yeo today too, while going back from Cash converters and she's currently teaching at Mayflower Secondary... anything is better than SAS right now.
I found Daniel bedingfield's Gotta Get Thru This today.. it's very good but it's for Darrell since I already got my own copy. You know Miss Chew keeps all these pictures of teachers so that when they call, she know it's them? Mr Charles was like acting cute and Miss Kang...... *speechless*
What I recommend today? It must be LFO's 6 Minutes.. it's a love-hate song that's kinda touching.. it's rocky of course, LFO always does rocky songs.. but the lyrics are really meaningful.
Watermelonies
I browsed through the old photos Miss Chua kept and I found the ones we had when we were back in sec 1; painting the art room, SYF 2002 outing and all. The one you saw was the one we took today at the FREE picture gala we had. Miss Chua told us we could use as much paint as we want anytime, so there was a great frenzy to come out with some slip-shot painting, and we're actually going to sell them around next week to the teachers :p
I know Tereece (or however you spell his name) looks really lonely in the picture, I figured he either fell out with Wei Jie or Nichloas wasn't here with him today. I look as ugly as ever I guess, smiling too much just makes your face and all. I actually have the priviledge of holding onto the CD with the pics for only a day.
Miss Chua finally accepted the fact that we love to use the word 'free' on her because of her stingy character. She actually named the unique event 'Free Painting'..ahaha, isn't she whacky.. Jonathan is acting cold again, but like I said I'm used to it, I bet all pretty people have this kind of evasion towards physcially less attractive people than them. Whatever it is, if he doesn't wanna be a friends, then I'm okay. And Dedric stop spreading the stupid rumour that I act cute in front of Ryan. The only time I actually had a conversation with him was when he was telling me what happened in smallville.. so do shut your trap.
Anyway back to studying for Math, tomorrow we're having a test and I bet I'm going tog et a big scolding from Dora for pretending to avoid her yesterday when I was busy.
the free.exhibition @ artroom 1
Limewater
It's already a Wednesday.. has anyone realised that? How fast time moves on when you get busy with life! There's some construction work below my block, and the one of the two road lanes was down for some repair. So, there's only one lane and a person is there, with the stop and go sign, leading the incoming traffic from both sides. A bit chaotic huh.
I heard Lana had went to Paris in Smallville and most probably won't be back for the season finale or another season should there be one. Poor Kristen, I was just getting used to seeing her on television, I guess she's moved on with other projects so hopefully Channel 5 would screen some of them.
Anyway, Hanif is doing the emcee for Founder's Day, he's moving well in his media life in school, I mean Sharul's band inviting him as the lead vocalist of their band and everything.. things are finally taking a better for everyone. Before I go back to some Physics mugging I ought to remind myself that my printer's gone completely dry, and I'm lagging behind with Ten-Year-Series questions. On Friday, I must get some printer ink, ten year serieses and the TDAT Postcards. Tata.
The Resolutions
I made a few resolutions today, I should do at least 15 minutes of exercise and only about the most three hours on the comp each day. Oh ya, I also had a pack with Wei Min that I will save $2 a day, that will make my saving-life less difficult. From these resolutions I have some planning in mind, though my plans don't usually work for a start.
1. Cut down on growing appetite
2. Save more money for Digital Camera NEXT year
3. Hopefully get slimmer to begin next year as a sporting year
I know I have some comical ambitions, but I think I most probably won't be able to attain them. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed first, once I can handle sugared toast every reccess, then I think I'm going to move on with those ambitions.
Anyway, I wanted to get those 'The Day After Tomorrow' postcards (the $12 for 10.. I know it's expensive) today after that animation workshop today at the Singapore Conference Hall, where the SYF Art Competition Gallery was also held. I don't have any interest on animation, though I draw manga and all.. but now.. manga is like a skill I use to portray normal average characters since I can't possibly draw them real-life. Miss Lee, the instructor there did say some weird jokes (you know, jokes only amusing to girls) but she was good, the media and form she uses might be really amateur but everyone starts from a base.
I didn't like the guard there by the door at the gallery, she (whose actually a female because we couldn't tell from first impression) actually told us to hurry up cause she was closing at 6 pm, then when Tim started to sing and she told him this wasn't their Grandpa's place or something like that. Anyway we did finish the gallery without anymore of her yakking, I can't blame her; if I was a guard standing by the door for hours on end I'd be sure abusing my authority on some nice teenagers.
Mr Poon was talking about God looking at people through their hearts and not how they look for this morning's sharing. But in the Purpose-Driven Life book, it specifies that God created how we look exactly, delicately picking out our features., so God must've love looking at us. Whatever it is, what he said was really right; there are just too many people loving beauty and being vain. Maybe everyone should lick their hands on something called 'looking on the inside'. If that term still exists, that is.
Vodka Boodoos
I'm not going to pretend I don't like Mean Girls, because it was a great movie. At first glimspe, you might think it's just another teenage girl flick packed with corny comedy, but it's so much more than that. The show teaches people how hurtful backstabbing and gossip might be, and how these stuff doesn't benefit you. (Very much related to those blabbermouths at the park we saw last night, who were discriminating us taking pictures in Malay) Personally quoted from Lindsay's character, Cady:
"It doesn't make you more clever when you call someone stupid, it doesn't make you prettier if you call someone ugly, and it doesn't make you thinner by saying someone fat,"
If you think about it, what actually do we gain when we say something bad about someone else? Hardly any happiness, loads of scoffing and an additional bad-reputation if it leaks out. I guess we can't stop ourselves spreading rumours about others but we could minimise such situations. That's why I pledge myself right now to try not to talk about someone behind their backs if it is lethal and not very nice.
Sadly, most of the teenage race here in Singapore don't get the point. I know I am a victim of critisism, but I admit I do say bad things about other people too. There is no one understanding teacher that would rise up and face us and say 'It's time for an attitude change,' what we hear is only discussions about it. And are the adults doing any action? No.
The Plastics, a group of mean girls in the show, showed us how bad the human race could be... sarcasm to the fullest, backstabbing to the prime, and how we can counter-attack it. It is impossible to make someone change how they feel about other people, but it is possible to not spill it out. Just imagine someone writing down how bad you are in a compilation that's called 'The Burn Book'. Even though in Singapore, it's not about 'pretty' people and their troubles with life, but it's about looking good when you look bad. What is the use of dressing up to impress girls when the only attention you get are of those who are too caught up in the materialistic world? Whatever it is, Mean Girls prove to be a point of authority where we should do something about the youth society here today.
And about baybeats, it was a huge fiesta outside the esplanade and there were loads of smokers and punks. It's rather hard to breathe in there... kinda like a pasar malam without the friendly faces of vendors. There were nice rock music of course, but Shan Hui, Darrell, Matthew and I just decided to go, it was that hot and humid.
Daniel Bedingfield - Honest Questions
----------------
Can you see
The honest questions in my heart this hour?
I'm opening like a flower to the rain
And do you know
The silent sorrows of a
Never ending journey through the pain
Do you see a brighter day for me?
Another day?
A day?
Do you wonder what's in store for me?
The cure for me?
The way?
Oh look down and see the tears I've cried
The lives I've lived
The deaths I've died
You died them too
And all for me
And you say:
"I will pour my water down
Upon a thirsty barren land
And streams will flow from the dust of
Your bruised and broken soul
You will grow like the grass
Upon the fertile plains of Asia
By the streams of living water
You will grow
You will grow"
Do you know
My story from the start?
And do you know me
Like you've always told me?
Do you see
The whispers in my heart against your kindness
My eternal blindness
Do you see?
Do you see a brighter day for me?
Another day?
A day?
Do you wonder what's in store for me?
The cure for me?
The way?
Oh look down and see the tears I've cried
The lives I've lived
The deaths I've died
You died them too
And all for me
And you say:
"I will pour my water down
Upon a thirsty barren land
An streams will flow from the dust of
Your bruised and broken soul
You will grow like the grass
Upon the fertile plains of Asia
By the streams of living water
You will grow
I will pour my water down
Upon a thirsty barren land
An streams will flow from the dust of
Your bruised and broken soul
You will grow like the grass
Upon the fertile plains of Asia
By the streams of living water
You will grow
You will grow
-------------------
Daniel Bedingfield might be your average, acoustic guy who sings falsetto and makes pleasing ballads. But how do you distinguish this song from the rest of the tracks in his album - Gotta Get Thru This? It's the spirit of the song that pours out from the lyrics and the melody.
Just imagine, someone who was there for you when your world fell down... how would you had showed your gratitude? A thank-you? A ticket to a movie? How about a song that revealed the weakest you at your weakest time.. and that your friend were there encouraging you and supporting you?
Daniel has showed that gratefulness for someone doesn't have to be that superficial. It can be as melodious and as saddening as you want it to be. Your friend had done his part, and he deserves some credit. How many people would be willing to have helped you up at that point of time? You might lie and say that you didn't even fall, but honestly...would you be able to say that if no one was there? Solitude, lonliness are just feelings that are overwhelmed when that right friend comes.
Thank him, and cherish friendship, because Daniel had revealed how fragile the human spirit can be, and how someone had grabbed hold of him before he fell too deep. Open your hearts and find who had ever helped you to be stronger. That friend would had fell with you as long as he could save you.
Dirty Dancing
Jason invited me to a last-minute SAJC Dance performance in the late afternoon when I'd just returned from art club. The whole place there were packed with college people, and everyone looked good, except for me; with my tacky shirt. I guess I need to slim down more before I ever wanna move on from secondary school life. Anyway, the dances were really hot, they covered a wide range of categories; from break dancing to ballet to traditional indian dances. The entire show was cheoregraphed perfectly and the songs accompanying the dance moves became masterpieces.
I really like to thank Jason for that, it was an eye-opener. I myself had always really wanna try dancing but it doesn't seem to work out. You know, I figured out today that the whole SAJC was like a big family and everyone knew how to be united and enjoy themselves. If I hadn't went, I wouldn't know how great SAJC is, I wouldn't had even consider getting into SAJC, now SAJC is back on my goal lists. It is so different from SAS, where everyone is discriminating each other and deceiful people are everywhere. I simply enjoyed myself, even though it was Kallang Theatre, situated at a very deserted spot, I wish they put up another one sometime.
You know SAJC girls love to put up mini skirts? I've seen so many it makes my eyes boggle. Almost everyone has perfect, unblemished skin... it's icky if you see too much perfection.
As for Jason, he didn't want to go himself and I thought it was fine (I've never been to a dance performance before you see), surprisingly he's attending church for a free thinker, alot of people are converting and that's good, God would definetely welcome anyone who wants to be in His hands. I've gotta get myself a bible, I'm so systematic I tend to read the bible from the first page haha. Jason's changed too you know, and I'm glad, he's became much more mature and understanding and very kind.. I'm grateful that he thought I might appreciate the dance performance (which I GREATLY did). Even though we aren't close friends it is kind of fun if you went out with someone you don't know that well and get to know him better. I should pair him up with Shu Hui... they're really very compatible, she's fun-going, expressive and intelligent... fit together man..
Someone Cares (About You!)
I'm a little screwed up these days, but it's okay.
What I need now is long, good rest to keep my feet going. I guess I might try out the math questions today because Miss Sng was really motivating today. She saw how busy I was even though I try to keep it lite and steady. It was math remedial and I was thinking of some revision for the topic on bearings so I stayed there for a good 35 minutes, then I told Miss Sng I needed to go and she gave a worried look.
"Is it art again?"
I said it was choir, and she sighed, "You seem to be very busy everyday, I see you going back at 6pm sometimes," I just smiled and shrugged it off. Indeed, the only day I have for myself is Wednesday, and sometimes that day is loaded off with events too. Of course I spend a specific amount of time on the computer cause I need a place to exert most of my day notes into. I just love to write; it somehow relieves you.. and when you flip back on your weblogs and start to remember all those happy and sad times, that motivates you.
So Miss Sng really taught me that there are people who care; they might act like normal friends, but when you're caught up with the crazy waves of life, they notice, and they try to throw that life-float before you're gone. Someone CARES about you, yes you, the one reading this right now.. maybe you haven't notice how much these people are to you, but at the end of the day, the ones that pay attention to your life are the ones that you should cherish. Well, God pays attention to your life.
Miss Gan came back and we had a choir practice with her today. She actually went through a couple of new songs that sounded much more inspirational and cheerful. We had 'Irish Blessing', a very soft and mellow contempary tune to a warm farewell and we also had 'Banquet Fugue', the song was mostly about eating actions at a banquet and there is a loud BURP! we (the basses) have to do at the end. I can't wait to learn that song, it sounds very interesting, like 'Pokpok Alimpako'.
I was searching for a new skin just awhile back and found out that this Napster skin I'm using now comes with playlists that mysteriously assorted my music library into Night songs, Weekend songs, and Weekday songs. Isn't that a bit unusual? Are computers that advanced to actually sort out the mood of the song? Well, come to think of it, it's creepy.
Tonight I recommend to listen to Mandy Moore's It's Gonna Be Love. It's nice tune to a heavy night like this. Her clear crisp voice accompanied by great lyrics and a unique melody helps merge the song into an inspirational piece before sleep. I know the song is old (two years old) but it still has an impact, regardless if it's old pop or new pop.
Okay, don't let me wayward the topic here... tonight, or at least for this hour your reading, try and remember that there are people who care and they are just nearby. :]
Peel Banana II
I guess no one would really read the post before this, but I was looking for Rebecca St. James - The Power Of Your Love lyrics and I got to this site about what people felt from the song, and it was meaningful if you're a christian. We have to work for a relationship with God and to maintain it. So please spare some time on the post before this and read it up if you're a devout..
Anyway, I haven't done much of the homework and am not intending to complete chinese today.. maybe I won't even do it.. dependng on how much time I have. Right now I am having some trouble with the chemistry homework already.. I think I'm getting really sleepy these days, can't possibly get it done. I dread that feeling. I need a whole cupboard of Nescafe to get through this week.
Today I was wondering how Lim Wee Leng is doing right now. The last I heard from her she had a brain tumour and had to go for some surgery. Oh, some past stuff just can't get off your head. I still remember the day we went to chinatown in Primary 6, so many things has happened since then. And people now are either apart or bonding even better. Ernest was saying today that he had over 100 friends, and like what I told Benjamin, the more friends you have, the more you tend to neglect others. He didn't agree, but I was right in the end. I guess socially we are always talking about everyone as a friend, but what separates the closer ones is how they show concern.. if it wasn't for Benjamin, I might've gone suicidal long ago, but some people don't look at you as others do. I was really glad when Daniel told me when he talked to me, he felt different.. and I was fun-loving and all.. I used to think I had no value as a friend... oh but I guess everything is fine right now. That's why I don't take sadness casually among people now. It was because no one was there when I was sad, then I fell. So please, don't run away from people who need your help.
Well, I had my peice of mind for today, I feel even more sleepy.. okay I guess I got to go, goodnight.
Rebecca St. James - The Power Of Your Love
The weaknesses I see in me
Will be stripped away
By the power of Your love.
Do you know what was one of the happiest days of my academic life? The last day of my last physical education class! I thought, Yippee! No more forced sweating! Now I belong to a gym, and I pay for the privilege of sweating. Life is strange.
I bring up the notion of the high school or college physical education class as an example. If I want to change my physical body, I have to do physical exercise. It is hard work, stressful, and not very enjoyable. I know that people say, "Find an exercise you like." But lying on the couch while reading a book doesn't burn very many calories. No, physical change takes physical work.
Spiritual change, becoming renewed in your ways of thinking and acting according to the Word of God, requires spiritual exercise. You have to give the Word of God serious time on a regular basis. And just like the physical, you can blow all the good efforts made in public by being lazy in private. If I work out four times a week and then go home and eat nothing but chocolate cake, I will still gain weight. If I go to church on Sunday, but do not meditate on God's Word to apply it to my everyday life, I will become spiritually out of shape.
I've seen this happen. Good people who go to church faithfully yet live bitter, angry lives. Why? Because they have not taken the time to let the things they hear in church penetrate their hearts. They have not taken their personal relationship with Jesus personally.
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" (Romans 12:2 NKJV).
In the song "The Power of Your Love," Rebecca St. James sings that the power of God's love will change us. The Holy Spirit at work in us will help us to strip away our weaknesses. But the only way we can see those weaknesses and have the power to overcome them is by drawing near to the Lord. And the primary way to do that is through His Word.
Set aside some time each day to spend time in the Word of God. Go into a spiritual training program. You may find that it requires some hard work. You may find it uncomfortable at times. You may even sweat a little. But if you will continue to study His Word, apply it to your life and conform to it, you will become spiritually fit. You will live the life He died to give you. And you will show the light of His love to others. I know it may sound difficult, but don't ever discount the power of His love.
Let His love change you!
Written by Suzy C
Peel Banana I
I have to admit, I'm not over LFO..how can they split? They are either doing solo albums that don't sell or in bands of weird names (what on earth is 'Bad Mood Dave'?). If anyone is interested, I have their 'Every Other Time' music video and it's pretty nice and cheery... the end is quite heart-warming, I mean the video la. You won't believe that their last piece of news dates back in 2002, that IS pretty ancient.
Ashlee Simpson's Pieces Of Me just won't leave my head. I had been singing it over and over again in class and now Seth is pissed. He didn't say my voice was bad, but he just couldn't stand me ranting the same song over and over. Well I'm not going to buy the album because of a song. I'm sorry but I'm not going to stop singing her song too because it relates alot about myself, I don't have a significant counterpart in my life to sing to la, but the parts of the song where she talks about herself is rather like myself. I'm going to add a link of her on my playlist.. don't read her biography and all that, it's boring. Just get a load of the FREE online song she's putting on.
Music these days have big influences on how I feel, and I bet it does for everyone else. You just turn on the radio and if you hear something like 'Vindicated' then you go jamming with the music, you hear JoJo's Leave (Get Out) then you'll go chanting with her over the 'LEAVE!' 'WHY!' (By the way she's ONLY 13, I can't get pass the fact that she's so young and I'm still not singing professionally LOL just joking haha)
I still have tonnes of homework to complete and I just don't want to start with Chinese. TWO whole Compositions... Ergh, okay, I'm off the afternoon, will be back to rant about the rest of the crazy day.
The Monstrum Era
By writing this, I am intending that the information I am about to disclose is perfectly for my safekeeping. You can read this, you can copy and paste this, but do not publicise this. If you are reading this and feel offended, remember, it is illegal to quote or print out this blog entry, it is under the copyright laws of this site. Now back to topic...
I HATE Dora Lee, I really, really hate her. She is using me to finish up her Sec 4 Graduation Dinner preparation even though it has nothing to do with my rank in CHOIR as the creative director. Okay, let's not talk about abusing supreriority here. She is purposely pinpointing mistakes in me and I just hate that. Period. Her students were frank when they told me I was arrogant and defiant and all but she always has that tinge of sarcasm at the back of her voice that irritates everyone. She called Iven gay, asked if we wore panties and all that.. what kind of limit is she hoping for between us and her? And in the end she expects me to be respectful to her. I just have a different attitude towards her.
Today I spoke to Aaron again, he's changed. He claimed he was taller, slimmer, better hairstyle and so on and on, well, I guess he's becoming those handsome guys and we are here looking plain average. I don't care about hairstyles actually, they might change how you look but it's always a smile that lights up the face, no matter how bad the smile looks (got exceptions la..like the woman I mentioned above). So he made Australia sound so pleasant I might just go there and stay for a couple of years.
Jonathan was having those rather demoralising nicknames for his msn today so yes I was in a dilemma today about whether to help him or not. I'm not his friend already so I couldn't do much, and besides he was still keeping close contact with Aaron. I was hoping Aaron realise that Jon had something bugging him but it seems like he's oblivious. I know, I was harsh to send that email a few weeks back, but I just couldn't stand it anymore. I'm really sorry if I hurt him by saying all those.. frank words. I don't think he's wanting me this friend back, so I just gave a message that he looked pale... I hoped that he would take a load of his mind by confiding with Aaron.. but he didn't came online. Oh well, as long as he still regards me, I wouldn't ditch him if he's down again.
Okay, going back to my spiritual ways...God is great! God is good and he's my Creator...
All America Singing
The America Singers came today, and they were a whole bunch of happy folk that we had no time to talk to. If I had the chance I would've talked tom anyone of the but because of art I had to go. I should have got all those tickets they were giving out. American singers leh; professional, cheery, famous people I should have some of their contacts. They are so hilarious and very humble.. I didn't know Americans actually knew how to be humble. Okay, that was kinda harsh.. but it's a fact, with their cahotic environment I'd prefer to be in Timbuktu than America.
Okay, my printer's like dying of ink (and I'm sure my Dad won't refill it) and I have so many things to print out. That means tomorrow have to make a special trip to Suntec Courts if I have to. If not, I'll make use of the printers in school.. why does the printer die when you need it the most?
Now who was the one who told everyone to get a copy of the full camp robbery events? Gar Meng right? Look, the events are what I've basically collected from accounts, and I intend to keep it confidential. Don't parade around SAS with that article... I'm the one who'd get into trouble you know. Just give me a break, I had enough trouble for this year already. Believe me. SO, would you kind souls out there just READ the events instead of highlighting them and pressing copy and paste? Thanks. I hope no hard copy of this thing spreads out.
7 Days Into Spirituality
I just altered the template of the blog abit because I realised that a small mistakes has grave visual problems in the site. So now it is completely in working order and everything on the blog is working fine, I'm intending to add alot of other links and in the end might just shift the chatterbox to the top.
I just realised I am on the verge of the art deadline and I've lost the art homework. It seems like I've always have the not-so-important worksheets lying somewhere and the important ones missing. I hate school... so today I went to Popular to get this file that I am going to file everything inside and in neat order.
Actually now I'm rather impressed with Seth. In the past I thought he was just some lamer that was always stalking Ryan, it turns out he's fairly good to everyone, has confidence and is a very good leader. I really love that kind of unity I saw in the camp, everyone cheering for Praveen and Gar Meng, and all the the Sec 3 Express boys united to get those robbers.
Come to think of it, I wish I had some contacts with the camp instructors.. but they meet new faces all the time, they do loads of camps... so they won't even remember us.
Anyway I hate my new haircut, I look like a dork. But appearances are not so important for me now; I felt like wearing a super baggy shirt today and picked an old faded 'No Fear' one. Don't follow trends no more. I don't look good in anything la.. ahaha, a confession.
Today I've realised that some people are genuinely kind and friendly. They don't have any selfish purposes. So the TV was broadcasting the chinese concert and the 'oily face' guy came up to sing, I thought he looked pretty good. Even with his small piggy eyes, down-turned nose and thin lips. The world looks different now after 7 days into the Purpose Driven Life book.
The Details Of The Camp Robbery
I didn't post the anticipated details of the recent robbings because of some personal reasons, and obviously because there might be a Normal Tech boy reading this anytime.
But now, I am going to make this clear; I have nothing against the good guys of Normal Tech, and unlike the rest who are spreading the propoganda that all N Techs are robbers. I believe alot of them have nothing to do with it and are either too afraid to report the crimes or were just plain oblivious about it. Whichever the case, the Normal boys are still people and we have every respect for them. At least I do.
Okay, this is the full account that I've heard, I've just recollected the camp events when the incident happened. The data was unedited (by myself) and I hold no bad intentions.
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Day 2 Camp - It was either Ernest or Wei Min who first realise that their handphones were missing, and there was a commotion where it could be. Someone suggested to call one of their numbers and Sin Teck did. Lamely, someone picked up and asked who the **** he was and he could recongnize immediately it was one of the malay normal tech boys.
The band members of 3ST - who first realise the stealings - spread the word to the rest of the class, and everyone decided to look the Normal Tech campsite up.
Before even entering the tents, the normal tech boys came out with broomsticks and one of them asked "Why are you accusing us of stealing?" before we even opened our mouths. Everyone knew then the Normal technical had something to do with this. The thing blew up when the argument was somehow shifted to the middle of the dirt trail to the MPH (multi-purpose hall) and some of the N Tech boys started creating a fuss on why they were accused and all. At this point of time none of them asked us to check their bags.
One of the express boys asked one of the N Tech boys if he lost anything, he gave a hostile 'Ya!' then after pondering..said 'No'. Showing that he just wanted to pick a fight and wasn't using his brain.
Commotion ended with Erwyn Lam (act hero la as usual) who peace-made.
Some 3ST people returned to tell the news and people all over the Express classes began to realise they had lost items. Mostly consisting of handphones and dollar notes. Dollar-notes range from five dollars to a whopping 500 bucks (who brings 500 smackers to a camp? You thing got there got sell MP3 players ar). The camp instructor came and calmed everyone, followed by the teacher-in-charge, Daphne Ang. She insisted each class to present a list of lost items and do not start pointing fingers at N Tech without proof.
The evening came and somehow another commotion started, THIS time the few N Tech boys dared us to check their bags. By then it was confirmed they had hidden the stolen items.
3S2 boys, with Kenneth from normal (thanks Kenneth) and some others witnessed Suraj loitering about the express campsite and they followed him to his base camp. At his departure they ransacked his bag and identified many handphones and a CD player.
The camp had a campfire on the same day. Many witnessed a big bunch of the N Tech class vanishing from the campfire. They also threw stones at express item performances. It was rumoured some Normal Tech ppl were caught lurking. Returning to the tents some of our bags were opened, some in tact while other losing more things. Bertrand was also kidnapped that night as he was the only person who dared to stand up against their malay leader. He was brought back by a bunch of express boys and he did not want to give an account of his experience.
The Express began to plot a scheme of Night-shifts as the N Techs said 'Tonight you die' or something like that. Marco flashed the lights at the back route to the express tents and saw the cap of a normal tech boy. This made people realise that they had tried to plot revenge. The tents facing the corners of the campsite camoflaged themselves and some even got ready for combact or a night attack.
Matthew, Anthony and Nateniel, the infamous trio came loitering in the express campsite and was shooed by the lead instructor. The lead instructor told us the problem was in control and that everyone please hand in information they knew, or else they could not be helped. Alot of 3ST boys, backed up with other express class boyswent to look them up, and having a discussion. Nichloas claimed that they used their brromsticks and kept knocking at his head. The rest of the commotion was unstated.
The night ended with no events.
Camp Day 3: Returning to School - Upon returning, everyone was asked ot sit back down in the tuckshop, and the culprits were arrested. Mrs Ang found a bag of the stolen items and asked the people who has information to tell or lost their items to stay back. Suraj was rumoured to be sent to a Boy's Home and the rest were arrested and under custody.
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This is the whole story, basically everything I know has been written down la. If you're interested you can take a look at it.
An Expresso?
It has come to my attention that camping is basically a boring activity that is enhanced only by the choice of programs and instructors, the whole time there is a mix of both disaster and fun. I really don't want to go into detail but right now, I KNOW someone purposely bent my fork and spoon and threw it somewhere. Oh get a life.
Yes there were theft cases, alot of things went missing and some guys were pointed out, but not every NTech guy is that bad. Some people there are really good people surrounded by a bunch of others that stole. The case is close now, and I hope everyone got back what they've lost (except the cash I mean) and it's a done thing. All I know is this incident is most probably going to cause a feud between the Sec 3 Expresses and NTechs. It was a huge scenario during the camp and luckily we have instructors that made exposure and hostility to a minimum. Let me include Aldwin and Tracey those instructors so I can remember them... err future reference.
Anyway, that LFO song 'Every Other Time' suddenly popped into my mind and I was searching for LFO resources. It is so hard to find a decent LFO page that is still running because the band has like ceased with their last album sheath, which I had never heard of. I just realised that there is another band called LFO too. Anyway, it seems like LFO is long dead with no news of them and not even a proper official site, it's really really sad. And I've just noticed that M2M is long gone too! What a two-doubled surprise. Two great groups gone down the drain just like that.
I think I'm going to go back to charmed. Seeya.
Halos
I just realise today there is like almost NO catholic youth group actively online in Singapore.. that makes you ponder; where are all those self-proclaimed christian youths? I went to this forum today on christian youths in Singapore and it's like a dead zone... are Singaporean teens too 'punk' to accept their religious roots?
I can't believe it, I can't even post something there.. it's so hopeless.. what are all those enthustiastic people gonna get? A dead silence? Anyway, forget it, why not I just head back to chillicrap and start it over.. My Dad's being bias again, I actually thought we might have a neutral relationship but his friend who fixes the comp said I wanted to control all their accounts by making myself an admin and making them have limited accounts.
1. I DID not touch my dad's account, he had alkways been a limited.. besides he hardly knows nuts about the computer and never touches it. It doesn't make a difference does it?
2. My brother WAS an admin too but I found out he was tampering some system files because of his advantage so I made it a limited account.
And by that I am listed as the most-selfish-kid-in-the-world? My Dad is a person who really knows how to get even, he bought an LCD monitor for another computer that he supposedly wants to give my brother, he bought a webcam for it, a leather chair and a much better table. And I'm left with the bare nessacities. But you know what? I'm not going to mumble or whine about it, because I'm sure God is testing me. Right now I don't care, I'm grateful that I have a computer already and I have a relationship with my 4-year-old monitor.
He's set this stupid time frame that all electronics at home stops at 11, and now's 10.30 and he asked me to off it! He always thinks I'm the one that uses alot of the computer and my brother doesn't. In fact my brother had used much more than me today and he just wasn't home to see it. And when it's my turn, he's always at home.
Yeah, I know I ain't christ-like now trying to defend myself and argue.. but I just think.. everyone's bias at home. And you know what? Adults are much bigger gossips than any teen, can't they say something in the face? Tsk.
Whatever it is, I hate being pin-pointed, but I'm gonna endure. I'm not going to blow up over such trival, inhumane stuff and carry on with life with what I have, and not get envious of others. Really sleepy now, and still having a mild aftershock of my headache, back to bed for another day tomorrow...
To Mr. Paparazzi
Haha, can you believe it I have my very own stalker~ well, I still have a gut feeling it's Andrew but then again it might be anyone I know.. but it doesn't really matter anyway, cause I'm beginning to like this attention. The word 'gay' has been used so many times on me, its really become an immuned word, so.. butts up and fart, who cares?
Well, I don't know why you're giving messages and going to my blog and all that, maybe I offended you somehow so I apologise. Really, I do.. even if you're Andrew Guy. I mean maybe the 'black chicken' joke was a little too crude and racist, and I wouldn't had started calling you that is you hadn't critisize us. I mean if you call me gay once in a while I won't mind cause I know I'm not but if you call my friends gay then you'd better start running, I believe you will hate it if someone fingerprint you into something you're not.
Whatever it is, I hope you realise that what you're doing is making you filled with hatred and anger, and that's really not a good thing. You aren't going to make a lot of damage to me with your comments but it is going to fill you up with negative feelings. Whoever you are, I really don't want you to keep these feelings so just stop, and if you have anything against me just look me up and we'll reach some kind of a compromise. And I'm not being sarcastic, I mean it.
I hope you reconsider la, if you don't want it's okay.
30/06/2004
Well, yes I was really sick yesterday, the 6-in-1… cold, diarrhoea, flu, cough, headache, sore throat. That’s a six right? Hmm.. seems right enough. It is extremely terrible to come back to school and get loaded again with homework. Right now, I still have the cheek to be writing this because I don’t really feel like it, anyway I won’t procrastinate; I’ll do it by today.
Come to think about it, there’s gonna be another ‘Nature Ramble’ for the camp – you get into this river flowing with quicksand, tar, and worms and whatever you can find and you’ve gotta cross through to the other side. I hate it, it’s a good event reminiscing, but never doing it all over again. It is horrible, I’m really dreading to do it.
After that long briefing by Daphne and the other instructor guy, (which I was terribly aware of, since the choir has already been there, what bad luck.. no more fun).. me and Iven went to Toa Payoh (I’m gonna skip the whole Miss Lee part because it’s crappy) and we went to the CD-Rama there.
You know there’s this new album called ‘Wow Worship’ right? Ya, I was looking for it just this afternoon at CD-Rama under the Gospel section and I couldn’t find it, and my elbow accidentally hit one of the CDs on the upper-rack and the Wow Worship like dropped onto the lower stack and was right before my eyes. I know it sounds very typical but I know something happened there, it could be a coincidence, but most probably God shed some light. So I felt really guilty not buying it and had a dilemma at the store, but I finally bought it. I’m running through it, and it’s a pretty good compilation. I think I’m going to like this album a lot.
I picked Pink’s Mizzundaztood album and Daniel Bedingfield’s Gotta Get Thru This albums at Cash Converters today. There are loads of good CDs there! I mean their selling a perfectly good T.a.T.U CD at $5 and it’s still selling at CD Rama at $18.90. I only got to fish out my two favourites, but they really really have some good CDs there. Those that you can’t believe are at 5 bucks; Hanson, All Saints, Liberty X, N*Sync, Mandy Moore all those. Their like only an album older and they sound as good.
Andrew Guy is acting idiotic, he actually went to find out my number to message me how gay I was and in the end jacking himself. How stupid can people can be? You know I wouldn’t even had notice him if he knew how to stop criticizing people instead of shooting his big mouth about. I really hate these people, they think their so cool and punk-ish and then when people get back at them they have no backbone to swallow their pride. I know that by counter-attacking back at him is bad, but until I give him a taste of his own medicine that insolent boy wouldn’t repent.
Back to point, I’ve realised I left most of my DnT resources back in school and I cannot do any back at home. Well, tomorrow I’ll have to rush through them. Ergh, I hate it when I don’t bring homework back.
Side Post 2: Reflections
For All Time - Soluna
Only Time – Enya/Vienna Boys Choir
The Reason – Hoobastank
To The Ends Of The Earth – Hillsongs United
Another step was taken, and spiritually, I think I’ve learnt much, much more. This school holidays has been turmoil, a step in faith, a step out of an ordinary life, and in the end you gain something from all the hurt.
Not a lot of people like to grasp their emotions and in the end they just run wild, it’s superficial. I’ve learnt that life is like a vending machine; you have to give to get back. I know, sometimes it seems like what we’re doing now seems to be leading nowhere, but everything is related somehow.. even day-dreams.
If you think that life is like a misery, I’d like to say; it is. Not all the time you can sing with joy and laugh like a foolish child. There are times when you’ll be down, and no one would be there, only when you, and people who truly believe in you can bring you back to your feet. And remember, He’s always there. Time dictates choices, and choices dictate your emotions… you see, there is never possibly a perfect life free from the ups and downs. Trust in yourself, and trust in anyone you used to trust.
Would you believe me if I said, “In the midst, there will be someone who cares,”? Not everyone confesses their care and concern, if you think you’re alone, don’t forget how many people you’re disappointing, you have a responsibility. There ARE people who wanna watch you grow.
Hey friend, you’ve got to believe in yourself. People might think you’re negative, others might think you’re just cranky, but they ain’t you. Only you know how you feel, and only you can pull through yourself ultimately. People will be there to prevent you from falling, but no one’ll be there to help you up.
Well, there are people that don’t care about emotions, who’s cowardly enough to run from their fears and troubles? If you’re sad and down, it means you’re bravely fighting those feelings, and remember – you will win. I know it sounds stupid to talk about this stuff, but whoever’s reading this, I know you have problems. Praise to the ones who has overcame theirs, and to those who haven’t, I believe in you… even if I don’t know you well.
Life is not a marathon, it is a stroll. Take your time, and as the sunlight falls dim, the streetlamps shall lead your way. I’ve learnt that even when you have people who care around you, sometimes we have to fight the battles alone.. we have to rely on one another one way or another, we have to rely on God, we have come by our sadness and come out saying, “It’s okay now,”
At the end of the day, it is our lives that reflect how happy we’ve been, so why not cherish this moment now? That you’re still alive, God has made it possible for you. And he wants you to appreciate every moment, and we too.
25/06/2004
It’s already the last Friday of the holidays, and going back to scare is kind of a dilemma. I mean, advantage is you can see all your friends again.. but there are so many disadvantages that beats to that; we have homework, tests, projects, not to forget those $10 chocolate vouchers that I hadn’t been selling, haiz.
It’s been after awhile since being down and out, and things are a bit more stable now.. I don’t get emotional too much these days, sorted things out with Ben and everything’s fine now. I don’t think he likes me, but I’m reading this book that says you should look at the better possibility than the worse. So I took that advice and am hoping for the best. Come to think of it, my Times voucher were ALL spent on self-improvement books… it’s kind of tragic.. I should’ve gotten a good novel. But then one shouldn’t look back in life too much and say “I should’ve done this and done that then it wouldn’t had been so bad..” those kind of stuff.
My brother screwed up the keyboard again… he’s always banging one it, now the @ is “ and the “ is @... my old keyboard problems are back.. I really should get some kind of refund for this mixed up keys… irritating.
I did say I watched ‘The Day After Tomorrow’ right? Well, I wanna watch it again sometime before it gets out of the cinemas.. Josephine says she sometimes watches movies herself too, and I feel like I should do it sometime. You might think this is lame, but while I writing this, I’m like hearing the ‘Beautiful’ song by Christina… it’s kind of inspirational.. you hardly hear these kind of songs on radio anymore.. they play junk like sexy stuff and a bit too much hip hop..
Okay, back to ‘The Day After Tomorrow’.. it’s really the greatest movie ever. I mean Sam has a crush on his classmate and he actually joined this brainy competition with her (and another black guy) because he likes her. Unbelievable, she should be touched. Then comes this big storm in the movie and it pulled them all together even more; the librarians with them, the old beggar, and the four teens who went for the brainiest competition thingy. PLUS all the great effects and disasters in the show, it’s awesome. It must be weird because only the Western cultures were affected by the Ice Age, maybe it was a sign that was showing that the leading countries of the world are finally under our steps.. nah, it won’t spoil my wish of staying in Australia for a few years.
Speaking of Australia, there was this guy who came for the English course and he said no one wants to employ people with Australian diplomas.. it seems the education level there is so low no wonder everyone’s moving there from Singapore. What I’d do is get my arts diploma in Singapore, or in U.S or anywhere else and then I’ll go Aus to work.. you see? Just one Australia commercial (the very famous ‘I can see a rainbow’ one) and I’m so tempted.. show’s how influential I can be.
Daniel Bedingfield and BBMak are like the best male singers and now BBMak’s gone, and Daniel isn’t anywhere in sight. Hell, he didn’t even make a music video for ‘I Can’t Read You’ OR the even better ‘Never Gonna Leave Your Side’ both were great hits, and BBMak had some fantastic ones too. M2M also has vanished somewhere after a very nice track ‘Do You Know What You Want’. This is just too much to handle. Anyway I wish they all come back or we can turn back time because I remembered P6’s Chinatown trip very well.
Back then we had Kenneth Ong, Brandon Heng, Daryl Lim P.S and Terrence and David and Joseph the twins. It was great, and while we were on the bus chatting about innocent topics (and I’d emphasize ‘INNOCENT’ for these days) and then O-Town’s ‘We Fit Together’ was on, and it somehow described the scene at Parco Bugis – you know the class tunnel thing with shops? That time there was almost no one there and we invaded the shops for the 10 minutes break. We were like the most compatible batch then, and Mrs Lim was like someone we loved to joke with and things are just blissful.
Now, teen-age is very very complicated, you have all this problems and some people just go on and on about dirty stuff and ‘dude talk’ and all that. Stupid. Idiotic bunch of people that are really mentally deprived. So things might not be as fun as before but we’ll try to live by it. Haiz, I saw David and Joseph a few months back (I hadn’t seen them since they went to SJI) and I didn’t talk to them. Haiz.. can’t keep contact leh!
22/06/2004
Finally watched 'The Day After Tomorrow'. It's a really touching movie and everything about it was great. Everything. You just look at it and you can tell it's an awesome flick... Sam was really smart and courageous, and everyone just fits into the picture like a jigsaw puzzle. It's the best movie I've seen so far; I was amazed, shocked, saddened, touched, and angered all in one movie, and I know I can't get that experience anymore since the show's only nice within a cinema. Big sound and big screen for such an epidemic show like that.
Saw Josiah today at the Suntec arcade, he had like dyed brown hair cut in those metreosexual ways. He still looks a bit weird and completely a turn off. I bumped into him a couple of twice, think he still remembers me, even with my specs and hairstyle. I didn't approach him of course, he was too engrossed with a fighting game.. just that now, he looks totally different from Jeremiah, whose looking better and more matured. Josiah is...well... looking more... kiddish, ironically.
Come to think of it, I realised I wasted all of my Times voucher on self-improvement books, since no one's there to help me, I guess I'll rely on motivation and advice as much as possible. Suddenly realised that there were people like me; depressed and just trying to sort out their lives. It's a tough job, when nobody's listening here. You know, teenagers are really weird.. they shun from people who are being emotional but when their sad and everything, they make it so obvious so people would notice. I wish people were a bit more sensitive. Since my fall out with Shan Hui and Choon Kiat I've realised that all I've been doing to make people feel good has been screwed, and that I've been indirectly 'trodden' by people. I came upon this book at the bookstore titled 'I feel guilty when I say No'. I do, everytime I say the word 'No' I just start feeling bad, the book's supposed to harden people up, but I don't wanna be a bad guy in the end.
Every life has its obstacles, and right now, I'm numbed, I can't turn around and look at the sunny side anymore, and I've realised, it isn't all the time when you're sad people would care about you, no matter how much you helped people in the past.
21/06/2004
You know I realised that I never wrote my journal entries with 100% sincerity because there was excitement of the internet around. So I'm glad I took about a week's break off the net and that is down, so I can write my journal's peacefully with no distractions. Okay, now let's start from the beginning of this week.
Well I finally saw 'Darkness Falls' that move that was around a long long time ago, and it's a really good story. I mean how many times you hear about horror flicks with the main monster only attacking within the darkness and cannot touch light? At first you think it sounds like Dracula but that monster in Darkness Falls is much more flexible and can fly about like some crow. Oh I really liked that show. Not alot though, the porcelain mask scares me (you'll know if you see that show). It’s a good show, not exactly fantastic, but there’s a lot of exploitation on emotions in it lah. The beginning was rather cryptic.
Then as the week went on, I am still a bit bugged by Benjamin not keeping to his word, and I did a dedication on Perfect 10 on the same day. I kind screwed it up I guess; I sounded like a sick desperado towards the DJ Grace Chua on that time. We talked about my brother's broken tooth, CDs (for a few seconds only). She’s not that bad, her voice is not as genteel as
Anyway let's continue about what I think about him. I think I wrote everything I felt about him a few journals ago.. so this is kinda an update for myself. Let's see, I was telling him about Kin Peng's BBQ this Sunday and he was like saying his birthday was on the day before that. Actually if anyone told me that under normal circumstances I would've given a really big birthday wish back..but, because of the previous incidents that he did, I didn't. And he still is oblivious about it, that's just really hurtful. So he said if something was wrong with me and I obviously hinted it. He'll be calling me on some day’s 10 pm, but I doubt he will. Like it's already 10 now and I've gotten no call yet. Oh, I bet a hundred bucks he won't call me at all.
Then again this week I told Jon I wanted to go his house, I think he thought I wanted to talk to him or something (he's always like that, don't like to talk to me face to face) but actually, I've fallen in love with his terrace house. It's my dream home! Well, Aaron's house was actually my dream house but he's in Australia now (sigh) so I guess Jon's is a second option. I've always loved two storey estates especially when I'm alone. All I wanted to do was go to a corner of his house, overlooking the street and brood and sulk and sort out all the bad things that has happen this pass month, because I'd liked to do that in my dream home. But I guess like everyone else, he ignored my last message, which was something like 'If you don't like me going just tell me' because I know he doesn't like me.. but he didn't even reply.
I've been sending out messages that don't get replies recently, so you can't blame me if I feel this bad.
Alot of people just neglect me, but like I mentioned I've sorted things out last week, and well, if people don't like me, I can't force them, and I can't kill myself just because of it. I still want to overdose myself with drugs or something to get into a coma or just get unconscious; It's not that I want to die.. I just want to escape.